Political Humor

This week’s flame war parody is going to pick up where we inadvertently already started one on the Gore Blames Humans for Myanmar Cyclone thread.

But who can help it? That’s the sort of thing that happens when you just don’t take yourself too seriously.

It began when I asked which was tastier, the babies or the wild animals. Daniel pointed out that the babies are tender like veal, and the wild animals are tough and gamey. Then Les James jumped in with the suggestion of stuffing the baby in the wild animal. David finished up this week’s suggestion with this:

This is on a path to a new turducken. These things do work best in 3’s…..what to do…

Now, just in case you don’t know, a turducken is a chicken stuffed into a duck stuffed into a turkey, and cooked up into a delightful triple poultry powermeal.

So, finally, after the longest introduction ever: What’s the recipe for the “new turducken?”

Discuss.

Humor-Blogs.com visitors helped start this discussion, and hopefully they’ll help finish it.

It’s a battle royal between two giants in porcelain bath fixtures. American Standard –the K Mart of this industry – has tossed its hat in the ring and taken on Kohler. Kohler –long regarded as the high-end leader in this competitive market- never seriously considered that there might be competition.

For years Kohler assumed that they would be the throne that the next president would sit upon, having been in the White House before.

American Standard announced Thursday that they have been heavily lobbying Clinton, McCain, and Obama since late last year and would continue to do so until this November.

Their position is that it’s time for a change and they continue to have high hopes for this election.

A Kohler spokesman said American Standard simply would not be ready on day one to handle the flow. They maintain that this upstart wouldn’t even understand the basic paperwork involved in the Presidential Retreat, but might be ready for a secondary placement.

None of the three candidate’s campaigns would offer official statements, but off the record comments indicated that both McCain and Clinton supported Kohler and would likely prefer their throne in a white to beige color.

The Obama camp, while tight-lipped, seem to indicate that American Standard would be their candidate’s choice, but no color preference was given. The one place where they all could agree was that in had to be an environmentally friendly low water consumption model.

However, Obama’s pastor -in a sermon given last October- stated that no white fixtures should be a part of the Black Experience. Obama’s campaign refused comment, but did say that they would be issuing further apologies for Pastor Wright.

Click to embiggen

Humor-Blogs.com is the nation’s biggest manufacturer of Porta-Vote booths. You might even find some political satire there too.

Al Gore, never one to shy away from a golden opportunity to schlep his political snake oil went on NPR radio to blame humans for causing the cyclone in Myanmar.

This coming from a man who used computer-generated footage of Antarctic ice shelves from the movie The Day After Tomorrow for his Inconvenient Truth documentary. Gore makes Michael Moore look like an objective film maker.

I think this might the opposite of irony, taking film from one fictional movie sensationalizing climate change to use in another.

And don’t think I missed the fact that our buddy Al claimed the cyclone’s strength was due to warming oceans yet right on the NPR.org website is an article by a disappointed scientist saying the oceans have in fact been cooling the last few years.

Oh no, was I the first person to point that out? Whoops my bad.

You have to wonder how long it will be before Gore shows up one day on television wearing a ski mask, pointing a gun at a toddler and demanding we give him a billion dollars or he will raise the global temperature five degrees and kill the kid.

We just don’t know how far this guy will go to prove he is right.

He’s already blaming us for a potential 100,000 deaths in Myanmar. He thinks anyone against Global Warming must also believe the Earth is flat or that the Holocaust never happened. He is even ripping off movie scenes to push his whacky agenda.

I guess the Nobel Peace Prize wasn’t enough.

And how far will the Liberals go as a whole? What happens, hypothetically if we are to blame and we actually are able to fix the climate change problem? Sure, only 5,000 people will die in a cyclone in Myanmar in the future but rest assured the moonbats will complain about other things…

Moonbat One after seeing that picture on the internet: “She’s got her belongings in plastic!”
Moonbat Two: “Plastic is bad for the environment! I’m calling our Congresstransexual!”

Imagine Sierra Club’s outrage that there is no recycling plant in Myanmar. All those water bottles could end up in the ocean. But in an incident of irony the group will block the plant because they do retarded things like this all the time.

So how did we get to the point where a wooden washed-up politician who’s wife once tried to ban the music we listened to growing up get to tell us what to do? When Tipper wanted to take Twisted Sister albums off the shelf we should have seen the warning signs.

Dee Snider stood up to Tipper and it is time we stand up to Al. Say no to Gore and save the planet.

Chris Cameron writes this weekly insane political humor column here every Thursday. He also has his own blog of original humor Angry Seafood.

Visit Humor-blogs.com to help solve Global Warming one laugh at a time.

A recent report from Germany’s Leibniz Institute of Marine Sciences indicates that the next ten years or so, man made global warming will be engaged in a blood feud with Mother Nature, Earth Mother Gaia herself. It seems that the oceans are cooling. The thing about the oceans is that they are big. Really big.

I don’t want to get too bogged down in scientological explanations, but when things are really big, they make a major impact on other, uh… Things.

I hope that concept won’t make your brain hurt as much as it hurt mine. So, anyway, these big, cooling oceans will cause atmospheric cooling of the Earf as a whole.

Global warming hyperventilationists, and peddlers of global warming snake oil - Guaranteed to cure all your tax increase, and intrusive government regulation needs - Assure us that there’s no need for alarm. “Man made” global warming will continue unabated.

It’s just going on a brief holiday while Earth Mother engages in a perfectly natural cycle of cooling. Perhaps Gaia is merely carrying out some counterterrorism measures against that plague most vile and wicked - People.

Take for instance, this Global Warming Amway salesman, Richard Wood, who says:

Those natural climate variations could be stronger than the global-warming trend over the next 10-year period. Without knowing that, you might erroneously think there’s no global warming going on.

Am I the only one more than a little skeptical of a source named Dick Wood? Maybe that’s just me, erroneously thinking that there’s no global warming going on. Seriously. Dick Wood? Is this a news story or a global warming satire?

Another “expert,” Noel Keelnyside, needs your help to free the funds from a Nigerian Bank account:

If we don’t experience warming over the next 10 years, it doesn’t mean that greenhouse-gas warming is not with us. There can be natural fluctuations that may mask climate change in the short term.

Right, I’ll forward you my bank account number post haste Noel.

Either way, the planet will undergo a decade or so of totally natural and organic cooling, which will make it seem like as if there is no warming trend at all. But rest assured, filthy humans will stop at nothing to destroy the very environment that allows them to live. Especially when there’s a profit to turn.

After all, Death and Destruction are such profitable industries. That’s why Democrats support genocidal policies that keep black people out of the way, like their support for the right to murder 50% of the black population before it’s born.

Democrats also like to round up all the black people and cram them into prisons for petty drug related crimes, where they learn to kill each other even more efficiently upon return to their government funded section 8 housing, and wait for the next food stamp pay day.

Sorry, I got a little nostalgic over the whole Death and Destruction thing. I love destruction.

The Global Warming Multi-Level Marketing pyramid scam is in some - to use the technical term - Deep shit. Now the con artists and hucksters want us to ignore the entirely natural cycle of warming and cooling that the Earth undergoes.

Global Warming isn’t even an issue. It’s a religion. The Church of Global Warming, Pope/Nobel Prize winner Al Gore presiding. He couldn’t win an election no matter how they tried to twist the vote counting, so he started a cult.

Just like a few knuckleheaded Christian fundamentalists believe in the solid state theory, Global Warming Cultists think that the Earth is, always has been, and always will be exactly like it is. Just so long as the infestation of Humans don’t screw it up.

Nothing to see here, move along. Sure, I did happen to notice you’re combating global warming with a snow shovel, but that doesn’t mean that global warming isn’t happening. Move along, or you might be burned at the stake as a heretic.

Come to think of it, Global Warming really is man made. In the sense of being entirely contrived and fabricated. Also like a religion.

Humor-Blogs.com will destroy the world. I’ll bring the beer and the conservative political humor.

A Politically Correct Guide to Mother’s Day.

A Very Bad Beginning

According to the National Restaurant Association, Mother’s Day is their busiest day of the year. This is when you are supposed to treat your mother to a meal, served to you by someone else’s Mom. Hummm…

Why do you do this? To make the one who gave birth to you, feel special for a few hours once a year. That’s why. Is that asking too much? Damn straight it is! Oops, sorry, I really shouldn’t assume you are…straight that is. How very un-PC of me. I apologize.

The history of Mother’s Day goes back to ancient Greece and Rome. There they honored the mothers of their gods. Oh my goodness, a religious holiday. That’s strike one.

The Greeks celebrated it around the Vernal Equinox, while Rome’s began on the Ides of March. If Brutus had only taken his Mom out to lunch…

The practice continued across time, until the custom found itself swallowed up by the Mother of All Churches, the Catholic Church, sometime during the Middle Ages. Dear Mother of … a Christian religious festival! Well, that’s strike two.

During this era of great social inequity and repression, it was celebrated as a holiday that was timed to coincide with a tradition. One that allowed apprentices and women in servitude to go home -just once a year- to see Mom. Terrible, terrible, terrible.

Now, we don’t even let store clerks, cooks or wait staff off to see their Moms on this day. Outrageous!

If everyone can’t do it, no one should be allowed to. After all, we’re the greediest, mostest resourcest grabingest, dividedest people on that planet. Still, we have a duty to see that justice be done, by shutting down the evil corporations that subjugate these underprivileged people (most of whom are minorities), if only for one day. Strike three? Nope, foul ball, right down the left field line.

2 Strikes, 1 Ball, America’s Up To Bat (a poorly worded analogy)

Julia Ward Howe, pacifists and social activist, who championed women’s suffrage, suggested the American version of Mother’s Day. It was supposed to honor women, but really never took hold in her lifetime. Now that’s about as Politically Correct as you can get, right? If you said yes, you’d be wrong.

She’s also the woman who wrote new lyrics to the song, John Brown’s Body, in 1862. She called this version, The Battle Hymn of the Republic. You remember, Mine eyes have seen the Glory of the coming of the Lord.

If you’re just coming back from that deeply emotional, near religious experience, then you fully understand why this is strike three at the bottom of the ninth.

Game’s Over, But The Controversy Continues

In 1908, a year after her mom’s death, her daughter, Anna Jarvis, was instrumental in ushering in the first Mother’s Day celebration. It was held in the very same church where Anna had taught Sunday school. Worse still, that church is now the International Mother’s Day Shrine and it’s a Historic National Monument to boot. The shame of it all.

The obviously well intentioned but misinformed socialist, President Woodrow Wilson, declared the first official Mother’s Day in 1914. A few years after this, Anna Jarvis -after seeing the commercial exploitation of her Mother’s dream- renounced the holiday as the epitome of pure evil. You go girl!

The Politically Correct Solution

I think that you can see where this is all going. Here we have a capitalist, Hallmark Holiday, which doesn’t even allow all of those who are being honored to properly celebrate it, and is blatantly in violation of the Separation of Church and State clause, as set out in the U.S. Constitution. It’s right there in Article, ah… I can’t find it right now, but you know as well as I do, that it’s in there.

It’s high time we put an end these divisive, Christian holidays. This year, I implore all men, to do the right thing. Don’t buy gifts or flowers. Don’t make reservations for some fancy brunch.

This Sunday, go fishing, play golf, or just have a few beers with the boys and watch the game. Help break with this vile tradition. You’ll be honoring all women by this gesture.

As for me, I’m leaving on Saturday for a four-day river trip with a buddy, who also is married and has a daughter and living mother. They’re going to be so proud of us, for taking this bold stand.

Oh, almost forgot. Men don’t mind being exploited –especially sexually. So ladies, don’t forget the Home Depot or Bass Pro Shop, or better yet, Hooters gift certificates for Father’s Day.

Humor-Blogs.com is the perfect gift for Mother’s Day.

Image: Pino: A Mother’s Love