There’s something seriously wrong with our immigration policies, as I will demonstrate with fake, but accurate accounts.

To Whom it may concern:

I am a 36 year old computer network engineer from Birmingham England. I would like to apply for American citizenship.

Sincerely,

Stephen Kingsley

7 Years Later

Mr. Kingsley

Thank you for your interest in becoming an American Citizen. We regret to inform you that your request has been denied.

Meanwile, at a bureacratic office somewhere in America

“Hello, My name is Miguel Ortiz. I have been in your country illegally for 7 years now, and I would like to become a citizen.”

“Done and Done.”

““Pardon me. Do I have to fill out an application or something?”

“Look down. It’s already stamped ‘Approved.’”

In Canada, Ibrahim Ali bin Muhammed and his friends are nearing the U.S. Border.

(Translated) “Just a few more steps, and we will be in the United States.”

“Then what do we do?”

“We tell them that we are survivors of the Taliban, and get a free education at Yale, where we will learn to creat computer viruses, and learn about nuclear fusion, and rocket science to build ICBMs. Aren’t the infidels so wonderfully stupid?”

“Yes, Praise be Allah.”

**

Trackbacked on Mudville Gazette

Tags Immigration, border, Security

As I have mentioned before, I am a noob to the world of 24. I am finding myself wondering why there is so much emphasis on Jack’s personal relationships. Well, anyone’s personal relationships.

I don’t think it makes for any additional interest value, and it seems to ruin the momentum every time. A few times I have recorded and then watched the show. Every time I do that, I skip any conversation that includes Penis Nose or Martha.

I honestly don’t give a crap about Penis Nose. I don’t get why Jack does. (Don’t kill me Jack) So, we have Jack feeling guilty about letting her think she’s dead, and Kim trying to make him feel guilty for the same thing. OK. I get that. Can we let it go?

Do the shows writers think we care? I suspect they just need to pad out the script, but they would be much better padding the script with humor than with melodrama.

Let’s go back to when Martha was trying to convince her flaccid and useless husband that the Vice President was attempting to take him down, and become President himself.

I would have much preferred if Limpwrist had replied with something like, “Well, at least he’s capable of making decisions on his own,” or “That might actually be good for the country.” Tha’s the kind of padding out the plot I’m looking for. I certainly don’t feel any allegiance to a clearly impotent President. I’m not thinking, “Oh no! I wouldn’t want him to lose the Presidency!”

Think about who your audience is people. We’re people that like bad guys getting tortured ruthlessly. Does that seem like the type of person that gets drawn into touchy feely emotional crap? Not in my case, and I suspect I’m not in the minority.

I really need to stop doing these commetaries before I “upset” Jack. I sure don’t want to see that happen. I think I might stop watching the show live. That might help me continue to remain alive.

First off, I would like to point out that Fmragtops lied when he said that I was “in good health.” Sure. Perfectly good health, if you don’t count the fact that I can no longer count to ten using just my fingers. Oh, plus there’s that pesky gaping hole in my gut, but no worries, it’s just a flesh wound. I’ll be alright.

I’m really irked about the fact that I can’t give people “the finger” anymore. It’s just not the same throwing out the pinky at someone. Plus, unlike some adults, I’m still incapable of actually counting to ten without using my fingers.

Sure, some of you are thinking, I can do basic math in my head. Weh-he-he-hell. Goody 2 shoes for you. Some of us aren’t so intellectually inclined as you “know-it-alls” though. Also, it sucks typing with just a few nubs.

SO! Here’s what really happened.

After he ruthlessly tortured and disfingered me, he impaled me, and hung me up in the air on a pike. As a sidenote, it’s really boring up there. I can’t even check my stats for the day, or browse through my favorite blogs. Boooooooring. I tell you.

Anyhoo, it turns out that the “steel” pike was actually only steel plated – steel plated bamboo. it must have been made in a union shop. So, it couldn’t withstand the weight of my (slightly overweight – ever so slightly) body, and it snapped, allowing me to go free.

I got to the nearest internet connection I could find, and tried to log on to my site. “NOOOOOOOO!” I couldn’t get in. “Now he’s done it,” I thought. He took down my site. “BASTARD!” I can let bygones be bygones when it comes to removing fingers and impaling me on substandard pikes, but this I will not have.

Fortunately for him, it turns out it was the hosting company screwing me around again, and everything is fine now. A few days of bedrest, and I’ll be good as new, except for the missing fingers, but I’m sure I’ll adapt.

**

Trackbacked on Mudville Gazette