I once saw a hippy on the street
So I stomped him to death with my feet
As I cleaned off my shoe
I saw the bottle of shampoo
Said, “lather, rinse, repeat”

What’d you think, RT?

Well, I asked you to make your own FAQs and it took a while, but I finally have the answers.

dragonlady474 asks: what made you start blogging?

I can tell what it wasn’t. It wasn’t a desire to change the world, or anything like that. I really don’t know. I just started out posting some things I thought were funny or infuriating, and it has evolved from there. I actually started blogging, quit for a while, and started up again. I continue to be shocked that I have a readership. I remember when I first installed a sitemeter, it proved only that I was the only one reading my blog. Now other people read it too. I also contribute to Fmragtops Spews, Blogs for House, Love America First (Occasionally, but rarely), and Aggressive Tendencies. I think I may have even forgotten a few. Now that’s really amazing, when people say, “Hey, I’d like to have you contribute to my blog.” See more on my So When’s My Blogoversary? Post.

fmragtops asks: Why are you so hostile to your fellow man, monger?
Must you be so damned sarcastic all the time? Why do you post horrific photos in your satire posts? And why do I still find amusing and sick all at the same time?

I’m hostile to my fellow man because so many people are stupid, and that makes me hostile. Yes, I must be sarcastic. It’s part of who I am at my very core. Asking me not to be sarcastic is like asking the French not to surrender. It just goes against the natural order of things.

I use horrific photos in my posts to make a point. I often use sarcasm and satire together. You either don’t get it, or the point hits you like a sledgehammer to the teeth. I am not a subtle person. My hope is to (figuratively) grab you by the throat, slam you against the wall, place my mouth on yours, and vomit the truth straight down your throat. That’s graphic, and so are the images I use. I also think some of the best satire isn’t the least bit funny, but the point made is unmistakable.

You find it sick and amusing all at the same time because your a sick, demented, warmongering, hatemongering, bastard like me.

von asks: What are some things that you DO like?

I like things. Prove I don’t! I like snowboarding, and football. I like Slayer, Soulfly, and Rammstein. I like my family, and I even sort of like my job, even though the pay sucks.

rt asks: Besides blogging, what do you do for fun?

??? I like to do things with the family. Play miniature golf, or take the dogs to the park. I’m not big on partying or that sort of thing. I like to watch TV or a DVD and just relax when I get home.

jt asks: Are you really going to answer all FmRagtops questions? Cause he asked a bunch of ‘em…

See above.

SeanS asks: What makes you think that you are right? Can’t I be right just once? And here’s the important one: If Paris Hilton and Shakira got into a pillow fight wearing nightgowns from Victoria’s Secret, who would you root for and why?

I don’t think I’m right, I know I’m right. I always offer the opportunity to persuade me that I’m not. Really it started as a joke, where I was told, “You’re always right, aren’t you. You always have to be right.” I just took it from there. Much like we adopt “chickenhawk,” I adopted that.

You can be right once. In fact you can be right every time you agree with me. I doubt that you will always agree with me, therefore, you are wrong at least some of the time, so only I am always right.

fmragtops says: Personally, I’d root for the STDs

I agree with FM, I would root for the STDs.

von asks: What’s the difference between a link and a nuclear family? Don’t get me wrong, I like being in the Nuclear Family, but I’m just an average guy like everyone else. What can a blogger that hopes to one day be in the Nuclear Family section do to actually get there?

Mostly the Nuclear Family is blogs that the owners of, are readers, and that I enjoy reading as well. That’s not entirely the case, but it’s supposed to be the case. I have a few of them mixed up wrong though. Basically, if you want to be in the Nuclear Family, read my blog, and have one that I enjoy reading as well.

Insolublog asks: What were the inspirational neuron firings behind the names Scout and Isis?

This was a lengthy response. Read the whole thing in A Dog’s Tale.

jt asks: Have you always been this way, or were you konked in the head by a giant blue slab of ice that fell out of an airplane?

I was never “konked in the head by a giant blue slab of ice that fell out of an airplane.” I did electrocute myself when I was about two years old, but I’m pretty sure that I’ve always been this way. That would explain the compulsion I had to stick a pair of pliers in a light socket.

Kate asks: Are you a native Pennsylvanian? How old are you? Do you have a favorite movie? What kind of sports do you enjoy watching? Do you play any sports?

I was born in PA, and have lived here all my life, except for a few months that I lived in Delaware. I like PA better. I am 33 years old right now. My b’day is in November.

I don’t think there’s any one movie I could call my absolute favorite, but I do own the full “Planet of the Apes” series, if that tells you anything.

I like watching Football and Hockey, but I don’t play any sports, at least not anymore. I played lacrosse, and swimming in my younger days. I still enjoy snowboarding when I can get both the time and the money to do it, which is not often.

Wild Bill asks: Why do you think you deserve a radio show? Can I call your radio show when you take my time slot?

I really don’t think I deserve a show, but when I heard that You had one, I figured that standards had dropped low enough for me to get one. You had better call my show when I get one. Otherwise I won’t be able to think of anything to talk about.

spacemonkey asks: Do you like cheese? If so which kind(s).

Of course I like cheese. I like monterrey jack, cheddar, nacho, mozerella, and most importantly, American cheese.

I’m questioning people’s patriotism today, but before I do that make sure you visit the Carnival of Comedy at Acme Anvil Co.

You would think that with a name like Terrorism News that they would be reporting on the activities of, say, for example, terrorists. Instead it seems to mean, “news for terrorists.” Another possibility is, “When CNN just isn’t pro-terrorist enough.” Don’t bother to try to comment, they have a policy. I question your patriotism, and keep your eyes peeled for the arm of the military industrial complex, there, “H”. That would be Fox News for the uninitiated.

Shoot a Liberal gets a Leftard that admits he doesn’t support the troops. In fact he seems to find the idea of supporting the troops to be offensive. Can I question his patriotism, or can we just shoot him in the face?

Misha I shoots down an idiot that wants to acheive the socialist utopia through another terrorist attack on American soil. Traitor.

JohnnyVirgil plays a practical joke…. State Trooper shows up.

Holy crap, I’m an idiot. I forgot to put in one of the links! Talk about short attention spans. The faqs will be up soon.