I am pro-choice. No. No. I’m not talking about abortion. That, my dear mongers and mongresses is the murder of human life. I’m talking about male birth control from the womb! WOW! This is the best thing since bacon®.

Just think if you don’t want to be hassled with grandchildren and babysitting, all a mongress has to do is eat lots of red meat. It turns out that her yet to be determined male child, if she has a male child, could quite possibly maybe have a chance to experience a low sperm count. Now, tell me, what guy wouldn’t love that excuse? “I’m shooting blanks because of my mommy.” (Yeah…it is always mom’s fault.) Granted, the guy’s wife might want to take toxic hormones to combat the “‘gender bending’ chemicals that act like human sex hormones” to become pregnant. (Then he’ll just be born with one eye and a twitch. He’ll probably end sentences with prepositions, too.)

Choose beef! Mmmmm….steak is yummy and now it has added benefits! Steak wrapped in bacon® is even yummier!

Don’t be surprised if Hillary adopts this as a campaign slogan since she worked so hard during her husband’s administration to limit population growth. (See: reproductive stuff…umm…she means abortion)

Via the Al-Qaeda Times

MIAMI, March 26 — An accidental prescription drug overdose killed Anna Nicole Smith last month, the medical examiner who performed her autopsy said Monday.

Dr. Joshua A. Perper, the Broward County medical examiner, said he found traces of many drugs in Ms. Smith’s body, including muscle relaxants, pain relievers like methadone and several anti-anxiety medicines. Dr. Perper described her cause of death as combined drug intoxication, the primary drug being the potent sedative chloral hydrate.

What? When I posted about the Useless Twit dying I never would have guessed that it could have been an overdose. Who knew?

I am shocked! Shocked I say. Absolutely astonished.

In unrelated news, a panel of experts from the Bureaucratic Institute of Governmental Advanced Scientific Studies (BIGASS) has concluded a study and determined that water is wet.

Also, 6th graders agree, the Sun will rise in the East.

In related news, Al Gore commends Anna Nicole on her new Carbon Neutral lifestyle.

Editorial note: Did they misspell Dr. Pepper?

I think I differ from my fellow fascist, hate monger, fear monger, war monger, racist, bigoted, homophobic, right-wing death beasts in that I don’t perpetuate the lie that we see children as a wondrous, precious, miraculous gift. I openly admit my visceral disgust for children because I refuse to live a lie.

Just the other day, I was in the mall, and a toddler was eating an ice cream cone. I grabbed it from her tiny hands and threw it to the ground. She started crying and I said, “That’s what you get for having your entitlement mentality! It’s always ‘Me, me, me! Mine, mine,mine!’ Life ain’t fair and it’s about time you grew up and faced the cold, cruel reality that only the strong survive.” Then the mall Gestapo showed up and I hightailed it out of there. I yelled, “You can’t stifle my freedom of speech, you PC Nazis!”

In the words of Henry Winkler, “Give me Liberty or give me a jukebox that plays when you tap on the side the right way.”

Nightcrawler demonstrates why I hate children so much.

When they are forced to resort to the ballot-box to pass their agenda, [Democrats] hide behind lies and play on the emotions of the people by making their Socialist agenda “for the children”.

So, you see, if it weren’t for children, Democrats wouldn’t be able to advance their Socialist agenda. Hey, wait a second, there are some rotten kids across the street. I’ll be right back.

**

Haha! I pushed the one kid down and gave him an atomic wedgie. Then I looked at the other troll and said, “You see! That’s for helping the Democrats advance their Socialist agenda, with their ‘What about the Children™‘ emotional appeals.”

Now they were both crying like the spineless, gutless America hating, Socialist Swine they are. “Just like a dirty Hippie,” I said. “Always playing the victim. Well, go cry to Mommy. You Commies are all the same! You always want someone else to take care of your problems.”

They were running off and I yelled down the street, “Get out of my country, you Commies!” I don’t think they’ll be back. Who let them in my country anyway?

Uh oh. There’s a woman at the door, and she’s got her Stormtrooper with her. “Go away, Socialist! I don’t need your Nanny state.” I really hate children.

I may have to get going, but I know that Humor-Blogs.com would never stifle my freedom of expression that way.