If you’re anything like me, then every year, you wonder what you should be for Halloween. It’s always such a brutal decision. Vampire/Pirate. Vampire/Pirate.

Well, I finally solved that problem. It’s a vampirate. Half vampire, half pirate, half idiot in a lame, unoriginal costume. Yes, that’s three halves, but bear with me, or is it bare with me. I don’t know, bur baring with me could be more fun than wearing a costume.

We’ll run around streaking. Whoo! We’re streaking! Everyone’s baring with me. It’s awesome!

One of the best things about being a vampirate is that you get the best of both worlds. You get to rape and pillage, then you get to suck blood, and fly away. It’s like the ultimate superpower. Well, to really be the ultimate superpower, I think mind control, and nuclear capabilities need to be involved, but we can still agree that a vampirate is pretty f^^king cool.

Yes, the profanity was necessary. It adds an important emphasis. It’s like the difference between good Bacon® and really good f^^king Bacon®. “Wow! That’s some really good f^^king Bacon!®” See what I mean?

Actually, I already am a pirate – For real. I know this because boarding a ship, murdering the crew, and taking the entire contents of the ship to sell on the black market is almost exactly like downloading an mp3 file, or making a copy of a DVD. They’re practically the same. Lopping off heads/mp3 torrent. If you don’t see the similarity, you’re a terrorist!

Being a vampire is wicked cool too. Speaking of blood sucking vampires, for some odd reason that reminds me of the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA). I’m not entirely certain why, but I’ll get back to you as soon as figure it out.

So, anyway. Look for the guy out there with fangs, an eye-patch, a bootleg copy of Pirates of the Carribean, and RIAA stamped on his forehead. That will be me. I’m a vampirate, because it’s not just a costume; it’s a social statement.

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Humor-Blogs.com doesn’t wear costumes.

Scott Adams has a new book out, Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!: Cartoonist Ignores Helpful Advice. The book is accumulated from some of his best posts from his Dilbert Blog. It’s probably going to be great, because he’s always trying to tweak people off, then tweaks some more when the stupid responses roll in.

As Scott said, “The book’s title is inspired by the many insults hurled at me on this blog.”

This seems to be a common theme. You have Diesel’s Antisocial Commentary, Frank J’s The Chronicles of W, and Joel’s Crummy Church Signs book are all compiled from blog posts as well. One difference is that Scott Adams has actually removed the content from the blog, so it’s not there to read for free anymore.

I guess that’s one difference between having a major publisher and publishing the book yourself. Most likely, Adams isn’t even allowed by the publisher to keep the content on his site.

As great as Scott’s book is destined to be, that’s not the best part. He’s running a contest. He wants people to leave a funny “over-the-top” endorsement of the new book. When it goes into it’s second printing, the winning blurbs will be on the back cover of the book.

So, what do you win (if you win)?

The top winner gets a framed original Dilbert strip worth $1,500, and your blurb might appear on the back cover of the book after the next print run. Twenty-five runners up get signed copies of the book, with a little sketch of Dogbert on the inside.

Even if you don’t care about an original Dilbert strip worth $1500, I have 3 words for you: Ebay.

I don’t even know if that’s a word. Does a made up, nonsensical string of letters count as a word, even if it’s a proper name? Just what the Hell is an ebay anyway? Is it an electronic bay? I don’t know, but one thing I do know is that… uh. I seem to have lost my train of thought.

Anyhoo, enter the contest. The rules are all in the post there. Hurry! you only have until November first. If you do enter, paste your comment here too. Posting a comment here does not count as an entry. I just want to know what your entry was.

Here’s mine:

All my life I have had painful,bleeding, pus-oozing anal cysts. Since I read this book, they’re gone! That’s not all! Women are magnetically attracted to me, I lost 30 pounds, and my erectile dysfunction is a thing of the past. This book is a miracle!

Let me know your submission to the contest.

Humor-Blogs.com is always a winner in my book, which is not yet published.

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I’m finally going to get back on track with linking to other people’s blog posts. Hopefully you already know to take the heading for a post with a grain of salt. It’s often part of the joke. If not, now you know, and knowing is half the battle.

Customer Service → The Frogster offers a toast to North American Van Lines.

Fashion → Strap in, shut up and hold on. We’re going back. Johnny Virgil takes us back in time to a place where disco reigned, and polyester was uglier than ever.

Monkey Domination → It Has Begun! The Planet of the Apes will be a reality all too soon. Never fight monkey infestations with bigger monkeys. Also check out what Scott Adams has to say about the Monkey Attack.

Blog Domination → Chris C offers tips on Blog Promotion for You. This reminds me a lot of my own 12 Simple Rules Guaranteed to Improve Your Blogging. I especially like the advice on posting schedules.
Conversely, Ruchir says Your Posting Schedule Could be Hurting You!

Preserving History → Dick Masterson creates The 2010 Man Capsule. It’s got everything, by which I mean Bacon!®

Hot Chicks with Douchebags → DB1 reveals this month’s “winner” of the HCwDB of the Month: The ‘Bag Islander. Since he doesn’t link back to the context posts, click to see the contestants.

Page Rank → Maki rants Google PageRank Doesn’t Matter. Can We Stop Talking about it Now?

That’s it for this week’s episode. Have a nice weekend!

Find More of teh funny at Humor-Blogs.com

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