Santa Claus never delivers presents to Jewish people despite the fact he is secular. Just because they celebrate an alternate version of Christmas earlier in the month does not give Santa the right to simply bypass them all together.

I wonder if it is a personal issue. Is Santa Claus envious that Jewish people aren’t fed up with Hanukkah like the Gentiles and Christmas? You never see a Jew stressed out this time of year because their holidays aren’t complete pain-in-the-ass events.

Everyone talks about how much things cost these days, and for Santa surely there are higher expenses hitting the production end. With the recalls and lead in Chinese products, he is forced to buy American, which in turn drives up prices. Maybe it is too costly to train the elves to make dreidels, so toy-making for the Christians is a cheaper option.

The fuel prices alone must be killing the old man lately. I don’t know if they make hybrid sleighs, or what Rudolph’s carbon footprint is, but the rumor is that Santa’s workshop uses more energy in a month than Al Gore’s mansion uses in a year.

But this is not about St. Nick and his eco-friendliness. It is about why he does not give Jewish children presents. Even though the last thing he needs is more people on his gift list in a time of rising costs or environmentalists breathing down his back, there has to be something else behind this conspiracy at the North Pole.

Perhaps Santa doesn’t hate the Jews. He has to prioritize his gift giving to those who believe in a holiday that technically has to do with another potentially fictional character.

When we were children we were told that if we didn’t believe in Santa Claus he would pass over our house. Instead of the first born male child being slain, it was coal in the stocking.

Maybe if more Jewish children believed in Jesus then Santa Claus would climb down their synagogue and leave them chocolate coins on Christmas Eve.

Chris Cameron and Angry Seafood wish you and yours a safe and happy holiday season, even if you believe in Festivus.

Humor-Blogs.com believes in Hanukkah Harry. Go there now for a prize.

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In the wake of the interest rate cut by the Fed last week, Americans are scrambling for answers. The stock market has taken a dive.

The word “recession” was reaching a cacophony on Wall Street, and the Fed acted to stabilize the economy with a interest rate reduction of of quarter percent.

Just minutes after the December 11 announcement by Bernie Bernanke, the Dow Jones tumbled 197 points and the S&P 500 dropped 24 points.

Bernanke has faced harsh criticism, including calls for his resignation.

Where does this leave Middle America?

Many Americans are struggling to know what investments are safe, and what are not. The Radioactive Liberty financial department sought the opinions of top Financial experts in the fields of market analysis, and investment.

While loudmouth Jim Cramer says that now is the time to invest in IPTV hardware supplier, Sigma Designs (SIGM), actual financial experts gave the nod to beachfront property in Arizona, but cautioned against the risk of placing assets in the Brooklyn Bride commodities market.

Alister Skul, the CFO of VampireKlown technologies admonished investors to be wary of offers to buy the Brooklyn Bridge, saying,

“Sooner or later, the Brooklyn Bridge will fall into the water…so will California.”

Global Warming may play a role in securing the long term viability of Arizona Beachfront property, according to a top advisor from Pope-Terry Mutual Investments.

RT Mongress, of Mongress and Mongress Financial, agrees that Arizona Beachfront Real Estate is a sound investment, and claims that there is “plenty of sand for everyone!”

Only Harris Bloom, founder of Harris, Bloom, Bloom, and Harris was found to have a favorable opinion towards investing in the Brooklyn Bridge, but skeptics point to the fact that Harris Bloom is one of the chief investors in the Bridge, and question his objectivity.

Chris Cameron of Idetrorce Mutual Funds encourages Americans to think outside the box to alleviate financial woes. According to Mr. Cameron:

“With a more creative approach, you can buy both and move the bridge to Arizona. Now you have a tourist attraction that can compete with the London Bridge.”

This can help to mitigate risk by offsetting a potentially bad situation with the ability to create a big boost in the Arizona tourist industry.

Humor-Blogs.com will have more on this story as it develops.

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One of these days I will set this up to autopost first thing in the morning.

For rules and background see the Introduction to the Flame War Parody.

Which is came first, the chicken or the egg?

Discuss.

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