For rules and background see the Introduction to the Flame War Parody.

Hippies: Beat them with rubber hoses, or hose them down with firehoses?

Discuss.

Is the Ron Paul Revolution over yet?

Update: Ron Paul has officially ended his campaign, so the quips below about how donating to Ron Paul is a waste of money are now even more correct. Sorry for your luck Ronulans.

I really want to know if Ron Paul is still running for President. I thought Ron Paul was supposed to be our last, best hope for America and Freedom. I thought all those internet polls that were so not-gamed and entirely representative, showed how Ron Paul was voice of Alex Jones Knuckleheads America.

So, Ronulans, where’s the beef? It’s all fun and games to troll the internet and create phony support for a candidate, but you need to leave mom’s basement to cast the REAL votes. You know – out here in the real world – where you’re nothing but a socially inept loser who has never mated within your own species.

Oh, and your dog called. He didn’t enjoy that.

In the real world, Ron Paul simply hasn’t shown up. Not that it’s any surprise to those of us not infected with a brain eating bacteria.

Ronald Reagan won election on a vision of America as a shining city on the hill. Ron Paul continues to shame himself by running on a vision of a shiny 6 million dollar blimp in the sky. Sending money to Ron Paul is even more wasteful than burning it. At least burning money can keep you warm and let you roast a marshmallow.

Of course, when you have a roasted marshmallow for a brain, sending money to Ron Paul somehow makes perfect sense.

I hope Ron Paul is still in the race. We need something to keep it entertaining now, that perennial Presidential candidate and Travelocity spokesperson Dennis Kucinich has bailed from the race.

Watching Hillary Clinton attack Barack Obama for being black is just too predictable to be amusing.

Vive la Ron Paul Revolucion!

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Ron Paul is the Last, Best hope for Political Humor. I do wish he would have continued the political campaign, though. I would have been more fun.

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For Heath Ledger the worst thing about being dead - besides the not-living part – is that he will be forever known as the Brokeback actor. I know people are going to argue that his last role as the Joker will be the one we remember.

I would agree with you, except my mind is busy trying not to compare his final performance to Beetlejuice.

And what the hell was up with the massage therapist calling Mary Kate Olsen first? Apparently she needed advice on what to do next. I have never stumbled upon a dead body but I’m pretty sure I know the protocol.

1. Don’t touch the body except to see if they are alive.
2. Call 911.

Two easy steps.

When you are someone who felt the cold body, yet assumed Ledger was merely unconscious, would it be a too much of a reach to know what to do in that kind of emergency?

Last week:

• A dog saved a man from a fire.
• A cat dialed 911.
• Birds opened doors.

Yet a human dropped the ball.

The animals are clearly better at emergency procedures than humans, which is scary. What if they turn on us and use their advantage against us? Like in Planet of the Apes.

“C’mon Lassie, open the door so I can get out of the burning house.”
“I’m sorry Chris I can’t do that.” The dog says, ordering the parrot to clutch the doorknob thus preventing me from opening it.

Of course all I hear is barking so I have no idea the dog said that. The animals are sneaky that way.

There is no truth to the rumor that Mary Kate Olsen previously instructed the therapist to call her whenever a celebrity dies so she could get some free publicity out of it. Sure, it sounds macabre but famous people always ride the coattails of anything in the media for some attention.

Just ask Green Day. One of the many bands that used ‘Canon in D’ to create one of their most successful singles ‘Basket Case.’ It is no surprise that a group on its way out chose to hop on something familiar to go platinum.

Did Crosby Stills Nash and Young use ‘Ohio’ to create press for a world tour? Was Bob Dylan using the message of ‘Subterranean Homesick Blues’ to sell records?

In the end, Heath Ledger will be remembered for the guy who overdosed on six different meds and played a gay cowboy, while the rest of us got exposure from talking about it.

All aboard!

Chris Cameron’s other works of oddness, debauchery, and silliness can be read at Humor by Angry Seafood.

Humor-Blogs.com mourns the loss of Heath Ledger. Go there now to pay your respects.