Every Sunday, we take a step back from the seriousness of politics and make a little fun of ourselves and the nature of internet arguments. It’s pretty stupid to get all wound up over an opinion some asshole expressed on teh interwebs, so that’s exactly what we do to kick off each week.

This week’s topic is once again submitted by the prolific and hilarious Les James:

Speedos: High fashion or high crime?

Discuss.

If you have a suggestion for a flame war parody topic, please use the contact form and select “SRA Suggestion” from the subject pulldown menu.

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Announcer: “Live from one of Obama’s 58 states, are you ready to play…”

Crowd: “Guess…The…Illegal!”

(Mad applause ensues)

Announcer: “And here he is, your host, Chris Cameron!”

(Even more applause)

Good evening everyone and welcome to Guess The Illegal, the hot new political humor game show where contestants vie for cash and prizes guessing the immigration status of random people.

Today’s contestants are fellow political humor writers here at Radioactive Liberty, Les and Fiar. Tell us a little bit about yourself guys.

Fiar: I can’t decide who I like least, illegal aliens or hippies.

Les: Babies Fiar.

Fiar: Them too.

Interesting. So let’s get this started. The game is simple. Each round you will be shown a picture of a person who’s legal status appears questionable. Contestants will try and guess whether the image is of a legal or illegal alien.

Ready guys? Round One:

Fiar, what do you think, legal or illegal?

Fiar: Charlie Sheen! That’s quite the mugshot. Will he ever grow up and stay out of trouble with the authorities? His Grampa may have immigrated from Spain. But he’s a second generation American citizen. Not illegal.

Fiar says legal. Les?

Les: Way too obvious. He has either Colombian drug kingpin or Middle Eastern bomb maker (they all look the same to me) written all over him. I’d say he’s really a second generation New York falafel cart owner, or a legal resident, southwest sales supervisor for Microsoft. I think I’ve got this guy nailed.

Les says both and gets a whammy.

The answer is illegal. He’s Jose Luis Rubi-Nava who is believed to be an illegal alien and also suspected of murder. Since Les got a whammy and Fiar said legal, no points this round.

On to Round Two:

Les, what do you think, legal or illegal?

Les: Where did you find this one? I thought all those pictures were destroyed. Some of you might be tricked into believing this is Charo and maybe our illegal. In fact it’s the now infamous shot taken at a 2004 Halloween party. Get ready for this. That’s Diesel from The Mattress Police, in drag. I think he’s legal, at least his residency.

Les says legal. Fiar?

Fiar: Gold digger! Clearly this is a Russian mail order bride. By the looks of it, one of the lower quality ones. I bet those bangs are hiding some serious wrinkles. A little Botox goes a long way, Honey. Legal by a technicality.

Fiar says legal. Circle gets a square.

She is legal. Charo may be past her prime but she is a US citizen, having achieved that status in the 70′s. Both of you get a point and we are tied after two rounds 1-1.

Before we get to the final round we need to take a short break for some commercial messages. See you in two and two.

Fade out….fade in….

A man and a woman are discussing something and he is looking at her breasts. She slaps him.

Narrator: Women, do you have trouble with men making eye contact with you?

A man and a woman are talking at a nightclub and he is looking at her breasts. She slaps him.

Narrator: Men, do you respect women but can’t help letting your eyes wander to their cleavage?

A man and his mom are talking at a BBQ and he looks down at her chest. She slaps him

Narrator: Is this behavior causing embarrassment and a sense of uncomfortableness? Then you need the new Boob Away watch!

Narrator: Developed from German technology in WWII, Boob Away works with your pupils and when it senses you are traveling into a visual danger zone of uncomfortableness, it’s sends a 15 volt shock into your wrist telling you your not maintaining eye contact. The negative stimuli will stop the behavior immediately.

A man and a woman are talking on a park bench. Eye contact is achieved and maintained. Both turn to the camera and give a thumbs-up sign.

Narrator: Order your Boob Away today!

Warning: May cause death by electric shock. Do not use Boob Away when engaged in a conversation with a large-breasted woman as such side effects can occur.

Welcome back to Guess The Illegal. There is one round left to determine the winner of a great vacation package grand prize. Who will win?

Here we go…

Legal or illegal, what do you say Fiar?

Fiar: Isn’t that the guy that works the night shift at the Quickie Mart? He came here as an exchange student and overstayed his visa. Go back to your country of ambiguous origin you leech! Illegal.

Fiar goes with illegal. Your pick Les?

Les: This is a cropped mug shot from when Mexican national, now U.S. citizen in waiting, Carlos Delgado-Mendes was taken into custody along the Texas-Mexico border for smuggling parakeets in his shorts. Why is he smiling? The police photographer had been hitting a helium filled balloon.

Les says legal. Judges? Oh I’m sorry he is illegal, Jose A. Morales who is suspected of lying about his legal status to become a cop.

And that means Fiar wins! Don tell him what he has won.

Don Pardo: Fiar you have won a three-day two-night vacation for you and a guest to beautiful Lawrence, Massachusetts. Once a former thriving Northeast mill town, it is now a bustling city with one of the highest concentrations of Hispanics in America. You’ll stay at the luxurious ‘Motel No-Tell’ and take in the local Mexican cuisine and culture.

That sound like a lot of fun Don. Boy, I bet you’ll be able to play the home version of our game on that great vacation. Thanks to both our contestants for a well-played game. This is Chris Cameron saying good night and make sure you keep guessing the illegals!

Chris Cameron writes this political humor column every Thursday. He also has his own odd works of humor at Angry Seafood.

Want funny blogs by legal US residents? Make sure you visit Humor-Blogs.com.

Being a webmaster of a famous political humor site has it’s drawbacks. Every day I get flooded with hate mail. For some inexplicable reason, people are always asking me who I hate more: Babies, black people, or hippies.

I honestly don’t know where this even comes from. I love babies. In fact, I never tasted a baby that I didn’t like with just the right marinade. Sure, I’ve had a few platters that were overdone, and dry, but I blame the cook on that, not the dish.

And where does this assumption that I hate black people come from? I don’t hate black people. In fact, some of my best friends are… Well, ok. Truth be told, none of my friends are black people, but that’s only because I don’t have any friends.

I don’t understand that either. I meet people. They seem nice, but then they turn all weird when I scold them for letting their kids run wild like that. “They’ll get all tough and stringy,” I tell them, and they look at me like, “Are you mental?” Then they make up some excuse about how they have to go visit their great aunt at the nursing home. But I know what’s up. They’re just trying to get away from me.

Now dirty hippies, they are a threat to the existence of the whole human race.

I hate hippies. They’re progressive, which is a compound word that combines progress – to move forward, and regressive – to move backwards. They’re always looking for ways to move society backwards a few thousand years.

Hippies are opposed to technology, unless it was invented 20,000 years ago, like the windmill. That’s somehow the solution to our increased energy demands. f^^king windmills. Just ask T. Boone Pickens. I don’t know who the Hell he is, but I know that he can’t even spell T-Bone right, so I am inherently skeptical that he has anything worthwhile to say.

Windmills. Hey, I’ve got an idea, lets carve this stone into a circle and we can call it “the wheel.” Won’t that be a hoot?

Hippies have never invented anything worth inventing. You can credit them for pondering what the definition of “is” is, eating garbage, and inventing man made global warming. That’s about it. Oh, yeah. They also forfeited a war we were winning, and their proud of their stunning defeat in the face of victory. I’d call them losers, but they would celebrate that like it’s a Good Thing™.

Let’s just skip to beating hippies instead. It patriotic, and fun for the whole family.

So who do I hate more? Definitely the hippies.

Share this on Facebook and retweet it on Twitter and get a free T-shirt, assuming you beat a hippie and steal his T-shirt, but who would want that stinky thing anyway?.