If you vote for the Obama/Biden ticket, they only ask one sacrifice: some of your hair. Joe Biden has been mining his body for hair plugs for years now and experts claim that he reached Peak Hair about fourteen months ago.

Now, of course some of you are reading this and sighing at my cheap shots at Joe’s Hair Club for Men Vice-Presidency. To those people I ask: Do we really need another person with a vanity issue on the left side of the ticket? Look how well that worked out with John Edwards.

So you want facts. Fine.

Not only did this guy vote in favor of the Iraq War but he even offered up his infamous plan to divide Iraq into three parts which, if you remember passed in the Senate.

Barack Obama, by the way missed that vote. So does that mean he was against the plan before he chose his running mate, thus making him for the plan as of Friday?

Of course Biden wasn’t for the war before he was against the war either. (That old gag)

The Vice-Presidential Candidate did have a funny line though:

“One of the poorest members of the Senate, Biden lamented how people like him sit at the kitchen table at night worrying about how to get by in tough economic times. ‘That’s not a worry John McCain has to worry about. It’s a pretty hard experience. He will have to figure out which of the seven kitchen tables to sit at.’ “

I guess the Democratic ticket finally has their asshole. I don’t mean that he is one, just that every management team needs someone to play that role, and God knows Obama would not make it alone in a messy political campaign. Joe came streaking out of the gate Saturday putting Bush and McCain in the same sentence so many times you thought this picture was more telling then previously thought.

I’m not kidding about the asshole manager concept. Look at the last Presidency. Dick Cheney. Helllooooo! The Boston Red Sox have Larry Lucchino. Castro had Che Guevara. It almost becomes a good-cop/bad-cop routine in a sense.

Biden: “I’m gonna kick McCain’s ass if he wins!”
Obama: “Folks better vote for me because my partner here is pretty uncontrollable.”

And what the hell is the big deal about a rich person not knowing how many properties they own? That is why they have accountants.

So Obama, with his million dollar-plus home is more in touch with the common folk than someone who can’t remember how many houses they own? It must have been really rough for Barack schlepping through Harvard Law School suffering with day-old Foie Gras instead of the fresh stuff. It is no wonder he does not know constitutional law despite studying it. He was suffering from having to endure such hardships.

I ask, how can anyone concentrate on schoolwork when the lobster at dinner was lacking the traditional champagne-infused butter?

But this is not about being rich or being poor, about the haves and have-nots. It is about your hair and how much Joe Biden wants it.

“Joe Biden served me admirably as my Vice-President and will show the same dedication in the same capacity for the United States of America.”
~Sy Sperling, President and member, Hair Club for Men

See what I mean?

Chris Cameron writes offbeat political humor for Radioactive Liberty every Thursday and in this case a Wednesday also. He also writes his original and odd brand of funny at his own humor blog, Angry Seafood.

Satire
The following is a paid Public Service Announcement by H. Ross Perot.

Howdy, I’m Ross Perot and I have a better energy plan for America.

We’ll get to it in a few minutes but first we need to get a few things straight.

Most of you may not remember me, but I ran for President in 1992 and 1996 as the Reform Party candidate. But some of you people are still blamin’ me for allowin’ Clinton to end up in the White House. I say stop your snivelin’, you bunch of whinny babies. I made you stronger by havin’ to put up that slimy polecat of a politician… and her philanderin’ husband.

Let’s get this out in the open, I’m a self-made billionaire. Five million, that ain’t rich. Seven houses? Why I think I bought twice that many just last week, I really don’t know. Prices are way down, so it’s a good time to invest. You may think that I support John McCain after sayin’ that. No sir. That dog don’t hunt. I supported a man who knows how to run a country like a business, Mitt Romney.

But it’s time to get down to where the rubber meets the road.

The state of our fine country today has me concerned. On this first chart here you can see the economic out-look for the next four years as compared to the price of tea in China from 1938 until today.

Now you may be askin’, “what’s that got to do with my ability to fill my gas tank on an ever dwindlin’ paycheck”. Nothin’. It’s got nothin’ to do with nothin’. Just like all the idiotic speeches given by the all them self-servin’, say anythin’, do nothin’ but harm, Water Moccasins in Washington.

Speakin’ of Washington. Do you know what Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln, and Teddy Roosevelt all have in common? They’re good politicians, that’s what. Why? ‘Cause the only good politician is a dead one. That’s why. Are you listenin’ to what I’m saying?

War has rules, mud wrestling has rules – politics has no rules.
H. Ross Perot.

Their ain’t no way you’re gettin’ the truth out of either Obama or McCain, while they’re yammerin’ about how they’re goin’ to fix somethin’, when they don’t even know how it’s put together. Tire pressure, my big ears. They’re incompetent. I wouldn’t let either of them supervise the trash removal at one of my offices.

On top of that, I don’t trust ‘em as far as I can throw either of ‘em. I ask you, which one would you let your daughter marry?

And they’re both out there flappin’ their gums in the wind, about how they’re the only ones that can get us out of this energy mess… that they got us into! I say they, meanin’ politicians. They bought the bed with our money, made it,  and now they want us to sleep in it. It’s a cryin’ shame.

American can find its way out of this problem, but not with the current thinkin’.

T. Boone Pickens is a fellow Texas billionaire. He’s got a plan too. Yes, sir, he surely does. It’s called The Make T. Boone Pickens Richer Plan. You see, he’s heavily invested in the same snake-oil schemes that he’s peddlin’. Being an oil man, former conservative and all, you’d think he’d know that while we can’t just drill our way out of this problem, we can fight our way out of it.

It’s obvious that we’ve gotta stop tryin’ to make friends with folks who don’t want to be neighborly. We know what the problem is. We don’t need another Congressional study. I say, if you see a snake, just kill it – don’t appoint a committee on snakes. In plain Texas talk, it’s ‘do the right thing’.

I suppose this view makes me an activist. But as I’ve said before, ‘The activist is not the man who says the river is dirty. The activist is the man who cleans up the river.’ It’s time to stop jawin’ and start actin’.

Those belly scrapin’ shysters in Washington don’t want to tell you that almost all wars are about resources. War for oil? Damn straight.

Now you got them A-rab camel jockeys and their Persian kissin’ cousins holdin’ the world for ransom. Why, in 1979 when two of my employees were being held in Iran, I sent in Col. Bull Simmons. He and a small team got my people back. Action, I say.  Action is what we need.

I wasn’t for the first Gulf War but I can tell you it’s high time to get down to business and secure the future of our country, by keepin’ the oil flowin’. Think what we could do with the 82 Airborne and a little tactical air support.

That’ll keep them Rooskies from gainin’ another strangle hold on the oil the free world needs, like they’re tryin’ to do in Georgia. And if they don’t like it, well… they can go piss up a rope for all I give a hoot.

We could take care of our current needs while developin’ the massive oil resources we have right here in this country, and at the same time give us some breathin’ room to work on the technology-based energy sources of the future.

For more information about my plan to make America energy independent, visit my website at: www. PerotPlan.org.

Thank you and may you all have yellow roses bloom in your victory gardens.

Humor-Blogs.com

Wouldn’t it be great if, for the sake of political humor, we could choose anyone for President? It couldn’t be any worse of an outcome then the two political parties give us for supposed choices.

Dee Snider

He’s been a rocker. He was the voice over guy on CNN. He has a syndicated 80′s rock radio show, the House of Hair. When you are a man who’s done all that, the only thing left is the White House.

Ronald Reagan’s Corpse

Everyone is still talking about the Reagan Revolution and how great conservatism was then, and how we need some of that back. I say let’s bring back Reagan himself. It can be like a political version of Weekend at Bernie’s. He can have high-level meetings with Ariel Sharon and Fidel Castro. I can feel the good old days coming back already.

Matthew McConaughey

There would no longer be world conflicts because the men would want to be in his Mantourage and the ladies would be too busy trying to get pictures of our shirtless President surfing or playing Frisbee.

Brendan Fraser

It hasn’t happened yet, but we could have a mummy problem any day now. They estimate over 28 billion people have died since modern humans first walked the earth. That is a lot of mummies.

Plus, Brendan has beaten the boss mummies, which signals the end game. Further, if what they say is true, we might a real problem at the Center of the Earth

Michael Phelps

I don’t know how well he knows foreign policy or the economy but he would help save on travel costs overseas with his swimming ability. He could get to Europe in a couple of hours.

Markos Moulitsas Zuniga a.k.a. KOS

There is nothing funnier then a man with delusions of grandeur in a position of power because eventually he will fall from grace, and what better place to expose him as a façade of political power then in the White House? I know there is that risk that KOS will completely f^^k things up even worse then they are now, but we survived four years of Carter and everyone is ready to suckle up to Obama for a term or two so why not take that chance?

After all, a guy who thinks his blog was the reason why Democrats captured a majority in the Senate in 2006 has to have some nutty ideas he would try to implement if he was in charge. When you believe your website brought Jena to the nation’s attention I guess the next step is a meeting with terrorist groups with your Secretary of State Cindy Sheehan.

Glory days are here again my friends.

You can read Chris Cameron’s political humor column here every Thursday, and his own form of odd humor at his own humor blog, Angry Seafood.

Humor-Blogs.com is full of funny blogs. Some might even be better choices for President than Obama or McCain.