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Today, our flame war parody deals with language, and how we use it. And more to the point, Southerners. Today’s question revolves around the phrase:

I’m Fixin’ To

Is it the language of the South: a Non-Standard English Dialect, or just a bunch of uneducated Rednecks blabbering incoherently?

Discuss.

Today, Global Warming brought an onslaught of snow and continuing cold weather to many areas around the Great Lakes, and in the Northeast United States.

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Now, I’m not a repository of quantitative data on what the weather is supposed to be like on November 21 each year, but there are a few things I recall quite clearly. I remember that I could never go snowboarding in winter unless I went to Vermont, because the temperature wouldn’t drop below 45 degrees, even in February. I would look at the weather report and scream at the television – “Just get cold enough for them to f^^king MAKE snow!” In fact, “most of Pennsylvania’s snowboard mountains close down in February or March.” Yet the skiing industry is booming this year.

I would travel 6 hours to Vermont, and still, I would be lucky if I didn’t wind up going over a rock that put a gouge the size of Springfield Gorge in the bottom. That is, if you could even actually go. Slush has a tendency not to conducive to going fast.

I also remember, as recently as 2 years ago, going to the beach in the middle of October. People would think this is odd, but it’s only 3 weeks after the end of Summer, and it’s actually usually warmer than it is 3 weeks before Summer starts, especially the water temperature. You know, like Memorial day weekend, that people think is the official start of Summer

This year, instead of going to the beach in the middle of October, I was pulling the winter coat out of storage. The temperature hardly ever gets above 45 degrees. The Global Warming People’s Temple Cult and Inquisition won’t see any of this as relevant. They’ll just charge me again with heresy for daring to question the validity of human caused Global Warming.

I know, it makes me stupid to think that humans might not be that important, or powerful. Clearly the entire Universe revolves entirely around us, and the Earth has always been in a solid state, right up until humans ruined the perfect balance with their evil technology. The sun, ocean currents, and volcanic activity are not factors at all, of course. Except to heretics.

The fact is, we are now in a cooling cycle, and the global warming moonbats will find some way to finagle that into being caused by global warming. Mark my words. We’re in for some sort of unbelievable logic that will tell us it’s getting so cold because of all the damned global warming.

How is global warming treating you this year?

I also suggest continuing to follow the facts about global warming thread. I get some real zingers on that. Subscribe to its comments.

More Global Warming Humor: Global Warming Shuts Down South Dakota

Update: Global Warming has waged a vicious attack against southern Louisiana. JumpOut has more details.