The economy is bad. President Obama says that the financial crisis will only get worse. And worse. And even worse still. One concerned reader has written to Obama for advice on how to navigate this recession.

Dear most benevolent one,

I have recently lost my job, and I have been unable to find new employment for several months now. I have looked everywhere, but in my area there really just aren’t any jobs to be had. I am struggling to make ends meet, and soon I will run out of money that I had socked away for a rainy day. I really need some advice on how I can back on my feet. I eagerly await your reply, My Liege.

~ Jobless in Jacksonville

I would try to be more resourceful. There’s a whole Internet out there that Al Gore invented, and it’s rich with home business opportunities. I would look into some of these options to begin generating some income.

For example, did you know that you can get paid to fill out surveys? I find that almost as intriguing as I find the dimensions of this bucket, which may or may not be big enough to fit on my head. My favorite surveys are the ones that ask questions like:

How would you rate President Obama’s job performance? Good, Great, Awesome, or Rock on Dude!

Another perfectly legitimate work from home jobs option is to work from home stuffing envelopes. You could send out new posters with me on them. Sadly, there are many Americans that only have posters of me from before I was elected President. You can help by being part of the solution instead of part of the problem.

You could also try blogging for dollars. There are many people writing these weblogs, or blogs, these days, and I have found that they can be a great way to make money doing nothing. You could make a blog about how awesome I am.

If you can develop a rabid and devoted following that hangs on to your every word as if it were gospel, you can sell almost anything. You could even tell them that your shit doesn’t stink and they will believe it. And if your shit does stink, we’re running a limited time offer on my new Obama Colon Cleanse. Satisfaction is guaranteed. If my colon cleanse doesn’t clean you out, my tax increases will.

See how easy it was to throw a little sales pitch there in the middle? I know many people worry about looking like shady, slimy, corrupt marketers by asking people to buy something. One of my best friends is a domestic terrorist, and I got elected President of the United States of America, so clearly there is no need to be concerned about your credibility. It wouldn’t be at all difficult to sell a few Obama Victory Plates, Obama tshirts, Obama Chia heads, Obama bobble head dolls, or Obama coin collections.

It’s easy to make money without contributing anything at all of value, and if you don’t believe me, just look at my own career for proof. However, you may have a little difficulty with this business strategy if you are not a vacant, empty suit with bubble gum pop star appeal.

Disclaimer: Don’t take home business advice from a political humor site, and don’t take blogging advice from a guy who can’t stop getting his head stuck in a bucket. Obama Colon Cleanse may or may not be a real product, but if it is real it’s a sure sign of the Apocalypse.

Obama Bucket Head Image courtesy of Sideshow Mirrors Satire. Origin of Obama Bucket Joke by Frank J of IMAO right wing humor.

If you have a question for What Would Obama Do, please leave it in the comments.

Since the election, many political blogs have pondered just what the Liberals will do with their incoherent rage once President Bush was no longer the President. The answer has now become clear. The new object of the Liberal Mental Disorder is non other than Rush Limbaugh.

Obama/Soros Radio Attack Ads Use Rush to Target GOP Senators

FEMALE NARRATOR: (dramatic music) Listen to what Rush Limbaugh said about President Obama’s agenda and his jobs package.

RUSH ARCHIVE: I hope he fails.

FEMALE NARRATOR: (dramatic music) The Obama jobs bill overwhelmingly passed the House… But not one Republican voted yes. Every Republican member of the House chose to take Rush Limbaugh’s advice. Every Republican voted with Limbaugh and against creating 4 million new American jobs. We can understand why an extreme partisan like Rush Limbaugh wants President Obama’s jobs program to fail, but the members of Congress elected to represent the citizens in their districts? That’s another matter. Now the Obama plan goes to the Senate, and the question is: Will our senator, John Ensign, side with Rush Limbaugh too?

RUSH ARCHIVE: I hope he fails.

FEMALE NARRATOR: Or will he reject the partisanship and failed economic policies of the past, and stand up for the people of Nevada Call Senator Ensign now at (202) 224-3121 and tell him he represents you…not Rush Limbaugh.

Here’s another ad against Limbaugh from the same faction of Limbaugh Derangement Syndrome patients.

All is well in Liberal La La Land.

Did you know that children are the leading cause of our ballooning deficit?

According to Senator Nancy Pelosi they are. She is pressing Obama for millions of dollars in funding for family planning services, i.e. abortions as a way to stimulate the economy.

Don’t believe me? Here is what Pelosi said when asked by George Stephanopoulos about the subject (this is verbatim folks):

“Well the the family planning services reduce cost. It reduce cost. The states are in terrible ffff uh fiscal budget uh crisis now and and part of it what we do for uh children’s health for education and some of those elements that are to help the states meet their financial needs.

One of those one of them ahh initiatives you mentioned ah ah contraception is well reduced cost to the state and to the federal government.”

Pelosi might sound like an angry Porky Pig/caveman doing an interview but God damn it the bitch knows economics. Abortions are good for the financial health of America after all.

Abortions also make sense from a social standpoint as well. If only more people had that option for free birth control after-the-fact then life would be easier…and quieter.

To think of the times I have gone out to eat only to have the ambiance ruined by a screaming spawn of Satan; the child’s wails cutting through the air like piercing daggers of sound.

I still have nightmares of the lovely miscreant in the apartment above mine who enjoyed television at full volume at six am on a Saturday, just three hours after I went to bed.

Senator Pelosi you have my vote.

Chris Cameron writes this weekly political humor column every Thursday as well as his own weird humor blog Angry Seafood.