Is it just me, or is it time for Al Gore to shut the fuck up? I know Al Gore likes to think of himself as the smartest man alive, and the media likes to gargle his nads, but I have to think that there is a better time to release a global warming book than in November. I mean, it was snowing in South Louisiana about that time last year.

If you live in Minnesota, and you’re freezing your ass off, no shit, I mean you’re shivering, and your ass literally falls off from the cold, do you really want to read some bunk science from Al Gore? Wouldn’t you want to stab Al Gore in the eye with a rusty spoon when you read “The Earth has a fever…” after you just lost your ass to the bitter cold? I’m just sayin’.

I know to dissent from the opinions of the all-knowing Goracle is a hate crime against Gaia and all, and E.L.F. hippie commandos are planning a raid on my house right now (bring it, pussies), but at what point does common sense come in and kick global warming hysterics in the face? I’m no climatological geothermal high priest to the altar of the religion of global warming, but the snake oil these hippies are selling doesn’t pass the smell test. When you can’t accurately predict the weather a week from now, don’t pretend to know what the weather will be ten years from now. Or, in other words, don’t piss down my back and tell me the climate is changing.

Forgive my cynicism, but since when have hippies been right about anything? I mean these people used to be the champions of doing copious amounts of drugs, listening to shitty music, and shagging anything with a hole and a heartbeat. I don’t trust ‘em. They vilify developed nations as being the rapers of the Earth, but they fail to see the fact that the third-world, shithole, “developing” nations pollute the most. And in their eco-insanity, the hippies fight the exportation of modern technology that could clean up these shitholes. When the founder of Greenpeace quits because his little rabble of jolly eco-pirates became raving lunatic commies, that should tell you something.

The problem is that these disingenuous assclowns have an ulterior motive. Be it Marxism like what you see with Greenpeace, or good old fashioned greed like you see with the Goracle, they’re using these environmental concerns as a vehicle to push other agendas. That sets off my bullshit detector.

Well, I will say this about old uncle Al. He is a charitable bastard. He plans to donate all the proceeds from this new book, titled “Our Choice”, to charity. That’s right, he’ll be giving all that money to the Alliance for Climate Protection. Pay no attention to the fact that the chairman of the board of directors for the Alliance for Climate Protection is Al Gore.

Insert pithy comment about JumpOut’s law enforcement humor blog You Should Be Tasered here ________

In Florida, teachers and other moonbats came up with the idea of dropping off 2.6 million pennies on the state capitol steps to show support for a one-cent boost in the state sales tax.

A bunch of people spent time collecting $26,000 dollars in pennies to rally for a tax increase only to give the money raised to a charity that has nothing to do with education.

This is more insane then Massachusetts voters choosing not to abolish the state income tax last November. How’s that working out these days?

Let’s see there’s proposals for a nineteen cent state gas tax increase when you fill up at the pump and a carbon usage tax when you park at Logan Airport. They also want to increase the restaurant and hotel tax. There was even an idea floated for a tracking device in the inspection stickers so residents could be taxed on mileage.

Next up I guess is a tax on existence. Live another year, pay a fee. Makes you want to get out of bed every morning doesn’t it comrade?

Give the politicians a tax inch and they will take a couple thousand miles, especially when we give them the green light to take more and more of our hard-earned income.

Pennies at a time of course. You know, the coins with Abraham Lincoln on them.

You can rest assured, however residents of the Commonwealth, all those tax proposals are already creating jobs.

Recently, Governor Deval Patrick picked former state senator Marian Walsh to be the assistant executive director of the Health and Educational Facilities, a position that has not been filled in twelve years.

A government position mind you, that has two prefixes in the title. How that one stayed vacant for so long is beyond me. There’s usually a waiting list for those kinds of hack positions, especially in Massachusetts.

And in a show of good faith, she has agreed to a pay cut, reducing her salary from $175,000 to $120,000.

What a trooper. She feels our pain.

I just hope Marian will be able to survive on that kind of income. No more Chilean Sea Bass for dinner every other evening. The pate for the dinner party next week will have to be canceled.

Oh the humanity.

It’s no wonder why our government and taxes are joined at the hip. They are soulmates. Both like long walks on the beach, paying people with our money to do nothing, and running up tons of debt.

Here’s one for you nineteen for me, gas tax that is. Not to worry though because it’s only pennies right?

Chris Cameron writes this political humor insanity every Tuesday and Wednesday here at Radioactive Liberty.

Hooray the Banks are Rescued

After spending the weekend in the US Treasury basement printing money, Tim Geithner revealed his new bank rescue plan: buy the toxic loans for a trillion dollars.

And by toxic, I mean the same ones we were supposed to buy back in November for $700 billion. That’s  a $300 billion dollar increase by the way for those keeping score.

No wonder AIG and the two FM’s are handing out bonuses. Not only did their employees lose trillions of dollars, but they grew the worth of craptastic assets labeled with one of the most-negative adjectives in the English language by nearly thirty percent in just four months.

Those are the kind of people you want to give retention pay to. Anyone that can increase the value of something “toxic” is a genius. They are  the Johnnie Cochrans of finance.

Wait a minute…he’s dead.

(Thanks to Luke Mullins of Yahoo Finance for the hazmat suit picture idea.)

Liberals Not Very Politically Correct Lately

We all know Obama likened his bowling score to that of a Special Olympics athlete. But were you aware Barney Frank topped our Messiah-In-Chief  by calling SCJ Antonin Scalia a homophobe?

“I wouldn’t want it (gay marriage) to go to the United States Supreme Court now because that homophobe Antonin Scalia has too many votes on this current court”

So I guess it is okay now to be politically incorrect. Obama you should wear a helmet instead of a bucket. Barney Frank you fag.

Don’t get mad at me, I’m just following the example of our leaders, the ones we can throw out of office if we so choose.

I’m looking at you Massachusetts.

Farting No Longer Legal

Is this the first step towards cap and trade for Methane? From the news story:

“An eighth-grader was suspended from riding the school bus for three days after being accused of passing gas. The bus driver wrote on a misbehavior form that a 15-year-old teen passing gas on the bus Monday to make the other children laugh, creating a stench so bad that it was difficult to breathe.”

I may be guilty of giving a past girlfriend or four the Dutch Oven but none of them ever died as a result. I think this news item is flatulent in its accuracy but troublesome at the same time, especially when I read this line later in the article:

“A 13-year-old student at a Stuart school was arrested in November after authorities said he broke wind in class.”

Arrested for farting? What kind of world do we live in when passing gas is now a misdemeanor, or worse a felony at some point in the future?

It is a shameful day in America when “carpet bombing” is considered illegal.

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Political Humor Quick Hits is written by Chris Cameron every Tuesday exclusively for Radioactive Liberty.