I’m really pissed-off. Want to know why? Whether you do or not, I’m going to tell you anyway.

It’s like this, did I get any money from the National Endowment for the Arts? No! Did I get to be in on the teleconference with Buffy The Walmart Slayer Wicks? No! Did I get asked to do art work for our Beloved Leader. No! No! And hell no!

Why not? I don’t understand it. My stuff is just as good as all those so called “artist”. Well, I don’t care why.  Screw ‘em. So instead of shilling for Obama, I got something for their non-art appreciating asses.

I call it,

Obama’s a Monster

And here are the pictures to prove it.

The NEA should have just ponied-up some taxpayer cash. I bet next year I’ll get a grant. Sorry sons of bitches.

After a little break Quick Hits is back. This edition looks at the holidays, G20, and odd robberies…

Dunkin Donuts Says Only 91 More Shopping Days

I think this is some kind of record for holiday marketing overkill. Two days ago, on the first full day of Fall, I stopped at a Dunkin’ Donuts for a coffee that was in a cup just like the one on the left:

A frigging Holiday/ Kwanzaa/ Hanukkah/ Three Kings Day/ Solstice/ Advent/ Little Christmas/ Yule Day/ Festivus/ Tau Ting Tang Day/ Screw You I’m Calling it Christmas coffee cup? On September 23rd? Really?

I’d hate to work in retail…

Me: “So what’s the meeting about tomorrow?”

Boss: “We’re rolling out the holiday merchandise.”

Me: “We need a meeting to get ready for Halloween?”

Boss: “That’s only this week. Next week we roll out the Thanksgiving stuff and the week after that we set up for Christmas.”

Me: “Isn’t that rushing things?”

Boss: “Yup but we are gonna be ready.”

Me: “So when do we bring out the Easter merchandise?”

Boss: “You serious?”

Me: “Sure, what the hell.”

Boss: “November 11th. Just in time for Veteran’s Day.”

Me: “You never cease to amaze me sir.”

Boss: “That’s why I am in charge.”

Me: “Indeed we are blessed.”

Boss: “Really, you mean that?”

Me: “Sure, what the hell.”

(Picture courtesy of Buffalo Chow.)

If You Liked The United Nations You Are Gonna Love Our New and Improved G20

Tired of the G7 being a drunkfest?

G8 summits not providing enough room for anti-globalization protests?

Now there’s the new and improved G20, Obama-made in Pittsburgh:

In a historic shift recognizing the rising influence of China, Brazil and India, the leaders of the world’s top 20 wealthy and developing nations decided that the G-20 will take over the role of preeminent council on global economic cooperation, a function that for more than three decades had been performed by a smaller club of leading industrial countries known as the G-8.

The G-8 will continue to meet on matters of common importance such as national security. President Barack Obama initiated the move, which was to be announced Friday.

Apparently eight politicians were not enough to screw up a global economy so Obama wanted world finance matters in the hands of twelve more hacks.

G20, now with 150% more incompetence! Act now…operators are standing by!

On a side note is it a good idea to put the words “take over” only two sentences before the name “Barack Obama“? I thought there was some kind of liberal media rule against stuff like that. Bush must have hacked into AP’s computers and edited the article.

Yeah, that’s the ticket.

Using a Chopper for a Robbery?

Maybe not the best idea in the world:

Swedish police said they were holding one suspect after armed robbers used a helicopter to stage a spectacular raid on a cash storage unit on the outskirts of the capital on Wednesday.

The gang landed a helicopter on the roof of a cash storage facility belonging to Anglo-Danish firm G4S in Vastberga, just south of Stockholm, and made their way into the building through a window, police said.

While the ability to add another axis to the getaway potential in three-dimensional space seems great on paper it is not easy to hide a helicopter.

It might have worked, however if they had this:

Nobody is catching robbers when they fly the Blue Thunder. It’s got stealth for crying out loud.

Nothing beats the best quote from the story though, an understatement for sure:

“It was well-organized, it was well-planned,” police spokesman Christian Agdur said at a press conference.

You think? They used a helicopter!

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Political Humor Quick Hits is a commentary on the news/current events written by Chris Cameron. You can also read his odd take on things at his own humor blog Angry Seafood and his serious take on politics at Clearly Political.

A Fascist Black Guy, a Radical Jew and a Greasy White Dude walk into the White House… Sounds like the beginning of a really bad joke, and it is. So, what’s the punchline? We get screwed. Told you it was bad.

In case you’ve been a hermit for the last year or so, the joke’s about Obama, Emanuel and Axelrod. As Chris C has observed, it’s not very funny when you have to explain it. Then again, what’s happening to our country isn’t very funny either.

Hey, there’s an upside -as in up your’s and up mine. I’ve been bent over the pork barrel so often that I’ve got splinters from my chin to my shins. There’s a region in between those two areas that’s really complaining, both the front and the back. Which brings me (slowly) to today’s observation. It’s about getting screwed by people who’ll even lie to you about respect in the morning. And here I thought prostitution was illegal in DC. Guess not, since we’re paying these ass clowns very well to pork us.

Speaking of aberrant sex practices, I think I finally understand all the fuss about those gay, lesbian, trans-gender, and other twisted individuals, rights. Personally, I don’t understand the attraction, but then again I’m an evil mongering, racist, bigoted, homophobic terrorist suspect. And even worse, a conservative. Gasp! So what do I know? But I’ve got a handle on the fuss -and it’s attached to a ten foot, one inch pole.

It’s all about gender-bending in Washington, DC. Something happens to people there, and it’s happening below the Beltway. Our elected representatives are afraid that the good folks who sent them to those offices will laugh and call them names, if they don’t enact laws to stop them. Why? It’s simple. Once they get there, they change.

Here’s what I’ve observed: Elected Democrat women turn into dicks and elected Republican men turn into pussies. You’ve seen the results for yourself. Nancy Pelosi is the biggest dick I’ve come across in a long time.

Name for me more than a handful of Republican men in the House, who aren’t ready to drop trow and willingly let Nancy ram home some extremely painful legislation. Can’t, can you? That’s because they’re pussies! At least Barry Frank is honest about liking it. The only time he’s eager to cross the aisle, is when he’s rushing to get in line.

It’s the same in the other chamber. Harry Reid -who secretly is a very ugly woman, with a giant strap-on- runs around shoving it down the throats of almost every Republican in sight. And they don’t even gag. Larry Craig taps out code with his foot for seconds.

Okay, I’ve been beating around the bush long enough. The title ask, How are Democrats and Republicans Different? Here’s the answer: Dems like to screw everybody in sight, and Repubs -male, female and whatever- are eagerly sticking it where the sun don’t shine. So by being submissive -rolling over and exposing their throats and genitals- Republicans still screw us. The bottom line ends up with very little practical difference.

If all this makes you want to gag, join the club. It’s big and getting a lot bigger. Promise, no hazing.

Bonus Feature.

Bonus -as in extra, not the Government Bonus. You know the one. We bend over, they bone us. Fine, it’s an old joke, but it’s still funny.

Thanks to my little brother for the inspiration for this image.