Since an extra numeral of the date will change in a few hours, society obligates me to acknowledge this arbitrary time tracking system by posting a roundup of the best political humor of the last 365 solar cycles.

Before I proceed, I want to talk about your favorite subject — Me.

Lately, I’ve been required to do a lot of driving a forklift. If you’ve never driven a forklift, you might not have any idea just how different it is from driving a car. When you are driving a car and you turn the wheel hard to the left and then let go of the wheel, the car straightens out on it’s own. If you wanted to straighten out on a forklift, you would have to turn hard right in order to go straight again.

We’ve turned so far left in this country that we’re going to have to spin five turns to the right just to get going down the center again.

The best posts of 2009 are determined by random drawing. No. That isn’t right. Popularity as determined by Google Analytics will be the judge, so if you don’t like the order, complain to Google. Then beat a hippie. It will make you feel better. They may even have a few at Google.

Sadly, I realized the top 6 posts of 2009, by page view, are from either 2007 or 2008. Actually, most of the top 40 were from previous years. Political Humor is the gift that keeps on giving. As a result, I have unilaterally disqualified anything not published in 2009.

The Most Popular Political Humor Posts of 2009

11. Chris offers some Tips on Avoiding Swine Flu to begin the countdown. What, you thought this would be a top TEN list? We go against the grain here at RadioactiveLiberty.com. That’s what makes us the best.

10. The number ten entry seems to be an advertisement of some sort, but looks can be deceiving. Look a little closer and you will notice Economic Stimulus Funny Pictures by Les James.

9. The 2009 Summer Blockbuster movies came and went. They Call Me Senator Boxer was a favorite of Les James while I was partial to The World According to Gore. I like comedy. Especially the ones with inept fat guys.

One time I read some advice that if you want to have interested readers, you should talk about them. I think this advice sounds stupid and ridiculous, but since the year is almost over, I guess it wouldn’t hurt to give it a go. If it does, I’ll just beat a hippie, and that will surely make me feel better.

Did you ever think about how metaphors sometimes are more accurate than we give credit for? Did you ever have an idea in the back of your mind? If you were to go into a cat scan it would show activity in the back region of the brain. Do you get sick and tired of things? Do you notice if you frequently suffer illness? What might happen if you got fed up instead? You might lose some weight.

Enough about you. You’re boring and tedious to write about. Back to the list.

8. If you remember Jumpout (We miss you man. Come back), He televised a steel cage match between Rush Limbaugh and Obama. It was very entertaining.

7. President Obama offers some sage advice about work from home business job opportunities.

6. Les James introduced a line of political humor merchandise in 2009. Obama Coins are out, RL Gear is here. Speaking of merchandise…

For the naysayers, those who would not believe that it was possible to make money writing political humor, You can now have your crow and eat it too. This site has turned into a literal funnel of cash, raking in money hand over fist for a whopping sum of $79.24. That’s nearly enough to pay for the hosting, which will be due in February. Think about that. I wrote – what – 3 posts or something like that this year and made a cool 80 bucks. I am seriously considering giving Les and Chris a 50% raise. Merry Christmas.

5. Teabaggers and teaparties and Glenn Beck, Oh My! The 9-12 March on Washington Pictures.

4. In the fourth position, we find out what Obama would do to save money.

What would Obama do? Sorry Les and Chris, a raise will just put you in a higher tax bracket. I cannot in good conscience allow you to be punished for your achievement, so I’m cutting your pay by 50% to save money. Don’t blame me. It’s what Obama would do.

3. The second runner up is actually named to be a runner up. Penultimately Bad Obama Jokes and Funny Pictures captures the bronze.

2. Aptly, number two, has to do with a giant pile of crap, as advertised by on of this year’s untimely deaths, Billy Mays. Billy Mays, Obama Amazing TV Offer.

Speaking of piles of crap, 2009 heralded the new Obama plan for Hope in Afghanistan. The Obama plan calls for the US to hope in one cargo plane and shit in the other. As soon as the planes are full, they will fly over Afghanistan and drop their load. Personally, I think it’s a good plan, because I know which plane will fill up first. The question is, will the people of Afghanistan notice a difference?

1. The number one political humor post of 2009 is by our licensed doctor of photoshoptography, Les James. Potty humor rules the day with the Smell of Economic recovery. That’s how we roll here at RL.

If nothing else, 2009 had it’s ups. It had it’s downs. It had it’s atrocious cliches. It had a missing owner to a popular website. In summary and as a fitting epitaph, I will leave you with this: As I heard a wise man once say, “the best thing about the past is that it’s over.”

Goodbye 2009. And good riddance.

Happy New Year!

It’s almost 2010. Holy crap, that was fast. I could go on and on -giving you a retrospective  about the last year- but it hasn’t been a great one for conservatives. So, I’ve decided to skip the Auld Lang Syne this time in favor looking forward to next year. And what better way to do that then to start out with a big party?

New Year’s Eve has got to be a blowout bash this year. The booze and food are easy. I’ll invite all my friends and… Okay, the guest list the gets tough. I don’t have very many friends. No, don’t get all mushy, saying “That’s alright Les, your a really nice guy. It’s their loss”, and other mindless drivel. The fact is I don’t have many friends… on purpose. I choose to live in rural America and limit my contact with people. You’ve been around ‘em. Seriously, are most of ‘em worth your time?

Off track again, sorry. Anyway, if I did have friends, then I’d need a great guest. I was thinking of a big-named, right wing personality. Wouldn’t that be cool? You’d want to attend, right? Yeah, NOW you want to be my friend.

So, I wrote a list of all the conservative media types I could think of, and then started crossing them off. What I ended up with, was this short list:

My Short List

Sean Hannity – Nice enough guy, but there’s one great big problem –he’d want to listen to cowboys yodeling or off-pitch caterwauling from some guy with a washboard strapped to his chest and another playing a two-string, stand-up bass, made out of empty pony keg and a broom stick. He’s off the list.

Mark Steyn – That dude’s funny. Every time he sits in for Rush or guest host for Hannity, I’m there. Too bad he’s Canadian and his head hinges all wrong. Sorry.

Michelle Malkin – Way smart. I appreciate that in a woman, and she looks good in a bikini too. Serious. The only issue I see is when she gets wound-up, it would be like listening to your old high school chemistry teacher explaining hydrogen bonds. Boring. She’s gone. Well, on second thought. Maybe if she wore skimpy swim wear…

Rush Limbaugh – Wow! What a coup that would be! I’d have to hire armed bouncers to keep both the right and wrong people from crashing the party. It’d be expensive, but worth it. Except… there’s those cigars. Sorry, Rush. There’s no smoking in my house. Won’t make an exception, even for you. Guess you won’t be getting an invitation either.

Laura Ingraham – Naw. Her name should have been crossed off earlier.
Way too confrontational.

Sarah Palin – Totally hot! I’d even let her husband tag along. He seems like a cool guy. I lived in Alaska for several years. I can relate. She’s down home, girl next door nice. Sensible… except, there was that wardrobe thing during the elections. I never believed the rumors, but she just sold a jacket for like $57000 or something. Oh, Sarah.

Ann Coulter – Okay… ah, how do I say this? I love listening to Ann, but I’m not sure I want her in my home. Fine, I’ll just say it. She kind of scares me. I think part of it those massive, fake eyelashes and black eyeliner. Plus, I picture her house having a sound proof basement. Please Miss Coulter, don’t take offense at this… please.

Glenn Beck – YES! Perfect. Beck it is. The guy’s funny, down to earth and he seems really accessible. Sharing a beer with Glenn Beck, what could be… Crap, he’s a recovering alcoholic. This isn’t going to work. So I guess he’s gone too.

So much for my fantastic Conservative New Year’s Eve Party. I suppose I’ll just go bed early on the 31st… again.

Les James also hangs around Sideshow Mirrors, which features political satire and humor, and the global warming denying, Mild Max.

Twas the night before Obama’s Unprecedented Christmas, and all throughout Washington,

Not a creature was stirring except Tim Geithner and his printing press.

The Mao ornaments were hung on the White House Christmas tree with care,

In hopes that St. Karl soon would be there.

And under that tree will be some really cool stuff of course.

“When it comes to gifts, ‘I give nicer stuff than I get,’ President Barack Obama said half-jokingly in an interview to air on ABC television Sunday.”

I bet the Queen of England can’t wait to open her present.

At least an IPod is better then the gift our government is giving us: health care reform. Grandma better not get run over by a reindeer in 2013 or she will be facing the death panels.

The Congressmen and women were snug in their beds,

While visions of Obama signing the Health Care Reform bill into law danced in their heads.

Yahoo also has visions of Obama-mania apparently:

“The Obama family faces yet another first this holiday season: their first Christmas in the White House. The people want to know what they’ll do and where they’ll be.”

Who are these “people”? Obama doesn’t show up on the web pulse list in the picture. He’s getting beat by the Van Halen version of Guitar Hero and appetizer recipes.

And as of this writing he doesn’t come up in the top twenty of Yahoo’s Buzz or Google Trends.

Bo Obama the family pet, however is like #11.

Is that unprecedented too?

Obama’s ratings are dropping like a rock. He isn’t coming up at the top of search results anymore. Hell, his dog is more popular then he is.

And it’s not even 2010 yet.

Twas the night before Christmas and all throughout the land,

Conservatives slept happily knowing the defeat of liberalism is soon at hand.

Merry Christmas everyone.

________________________________________________________

Chris Cameron is a writer/columnist/beat reporter for Radioactive Liberty. He also has his own blog Angry Seafood.