Wow!

That’s pretty much my reaction to that poster from 1911, or just about anything currently coming out of the mouths of the Democrats.

Not a day goes by that I don’t hear a new twist on the same failed policies from the past. No, not the ones George Bush used. I was thinking of the failed policies of Francisco Franco and Benito Mussolini -amongst others. Both of whom are still dead.

You suck my blood like a leech
You break the law and you preach
Screw my brain till it hurts
You’ve taken all my money
And you want more
Excerpt: Death on Two Legs, lyrics by Freddie Mercury

By in large, politicians just don’t listen. Once elected, they conveniently forget to the old, two ears, one mouth rule.  Still, there is a bit of difference between Democrats and Republicans. Some Republicans are starting to listen… a little.

Once they removed their giant elephant heads from their cranial repositories, they discovered a bunch of upset folks. Folks that are ready to vote them out, if they don’t straighten-up and fly (to the) right. But the Democrats have their donkey heads rammed so far up, it’s doubtful they could hear anything, except the non-stop, rhetorical diarrhea flowing from their pie-holes.

I’d have to suspect that talking that much shit -with an anal sphincter tightly constricted around ones neck- would lead to their bodily systems running in reverse. It’s no wonder they’ve got backwards ideas, like government creates jobs and Capitalism is too big. And of course, my favorite: the people of Massachusetts we’re so angry at W, they elected Scott Brown. If that’s not comically inversely proportional to reality, I don’t know what is.

With that kind of contrary thinking Dems, it’s time to kiss your asses goodbye. Some of you have more time than others, but all should practice puckering-up.  It should be convenient, your lips are already so very close.

But… There’s always a but when it comes to asses, and there are few larger butts or bigger asses than the one I’m about to mention. Believe it or not, I can actually think of one Democrat I’d like to see elected in 2012. It’s with this seemingly ridiculous statement in mind, I want to be first to throw my considerable political influence behind the campaign to elect Ted Kennedy as President.

Think about it.

Now that he’s dead, he finally knows how to keep his mouth shut.

We won’t have to worry about him being assassinated. The Secret Service will be happy about that.

Teddy wouldn’t be able to sign any spending Bills into law. This will make him extremely fiscally conservative.

He won’t be boring us, every other day, with some inane teleprompter speech. I’m pretty sick of hearing Obama read bromides that direct platitudes back to the speaker.

This list could go on and on. Feel free to add your own.

Still, the best reason I know,  to go All the Way with Teddy K in 2012, is no matter how much he stinks, it can’t be worse than the stench coming out of Washington now.

Conservative Political Satire and Climate Change Humor by Les James can be located at Sideshow Mirrors and Mild Max

In the Oval Office. Wednesday January 27, 2010. Just before the State of the Union Address which is scheduled to begin at 9pm Eastern time.

An advisor goes over some of the last remaining business of the day with President Obama.

What should we do about the earthquake that devastated Haiti, Mr. President?

We’ll have to investigate what role Climate Change played in this catastrophe. Assemble a bipartisan committee to research this troublesome matter.

But, Mr. President, What if Global Warming — I mean “Climate Change” had nothing to do with the earthquake?

Come now, you can twist statistics and data to support anything, especially with the right funding, if you know what I mean.

Of course, sir. Government grants can certainly inspire hope, and CHANGE of relevant data when there are threats of withdrawing next year’s grants.

It wasn’t necessary to explain to me what *I* meant.

Of course not, Mr. President. I was just noticing that bucket in the corner and was concerned that you might get your head stuck in it. I was thinking that I should call maintenance and have it removed.

What bucket?

That one over there, Mr. President.

I see no problem with that bucket. I’m quite certain that there is no possibility of it getting stuck. Look. I’ll prove it to you.

No! Mr. President. Dammit! Too late.

See. I told you it wouldn’t get stuck. It comes right… Uh. See you just lift it. Maybe if you just wiggle a little as you lift, then that will… No. Give me hand here. I wouldn’t want to say that this bucket is stuck on my head, but I think an extra pair of hands might just do the trick.

It’s not coming off Mr. President. I think it’s stuck.

No. Just jostle it side to side as you pull. It will pop right off then.

Still not working. I’m pretty certain that it’s stuck. I never should have mentioned it. I know you have a knack for doing these sort of things.

We need to get this off. I have a State of the Union Address coming up and I need to consult the Mighty TelePrompter as to what my postitions are on a few issues. I don’t know where I stand yet. There’s no time!

Maybe Jack Bauer can help. He’s always good in a pinch.

He’s not real you idiot. Get this damn bucket off my head before I have to go live!

A voice came over the PA. “…The man with the plan. He brought Hope. He brought Change. Ladies and gentlemen. Let me present to you, The President of the United States. BaaaaaaaaaaaaRack OoooooooBaaaaaaaaaaamaaaaaaaaaa!”

You’re just going to have to go out there with a bucket on your head sir. I’m sorry.

Yeah. Me too.

I ran into a liberal on Monday. Actually, it was the other way around, the lib ran into me. This is a true story. It isn’t funny, but I believe it’s worth telling.

Stuck indoors for the last few weeks -while the Pineapple Express sent one warm, wet storm after another our way- I’d contracted cabin fever.

Here in Central Oregon we’re use to snowy winters. But once in a while the gulf stream shifts in such a manner, as to allow the moisture to come in the form of cold rain and wet snow. Those gray, Seattle-type winters make me very aware as to why Democrats living on the west side of the Cascades are such a miserable lot.

Monday, we had a break in the abysmal weather, and I wasn’t about to let the opportunity slip by to get some sunshine. I jumped into my little car and took off. The 32 MPG Aspire had 241,000 mile on it, but still ran like a top. With front wheel drive and studded tires, it beat the hell out of driving my four wheel drive truck in the wet and icy conditions I knew I would encounter going over the mountains.

So, no shit there I was, minding my own business. Off to enjoy a beautiful day. Driving through slushy snow and crossing patches of black ice is not something I like to do, but it’s something I’m pretty good at. Since conditions were poor, I was going all of about 35-40 MPH, on a major highway that cuts across the Cascade Range.

Here’s where the story gets interesting. While I was carefully negotiating a long, sweeping left turn, I saw a red car -coming the opposite direction- slide across the highway, hit the guardrail and proceed at a high rate of speed, right at me.

Let’s recap. I was driving very conservatively. I’d adjusted to the current conditions, not over extending my resources or taking wild chances. I obeyed all the laws and carefully planned out my future path. In other words, doing everything right. Doing everything a good citizen should be doing in that environment. Yet, there was a car in my lane, going the wrong direction.

No matter what the driver did, their failure to read the lay of the land meant that a major crash was inevitable. Panic took the wheel in the red car. The front tires jerked frantically from side to side, but the surface was slippery. The car was now out of control, and we were going to hit head-on.

Calmly observing all of this, I knew I couldn’t brake hard, so I applied slow, steady pressure to the brake pedal. At the last second, I turned my little Aspire so the impact was on the front right side, and not square into the grill. The force of the blow sent me and my damaged property across two lanes, and straight into a snow covered guardrail.

The air bags deployed as the vehicle came to a very sudden stop. If you’re wondering, no, I didn’t die. I knew I hadn’t died, because the pain from being slammed into from the side and then impacting into the guardrail -causing the airbags to smash into my chest and face- was intense. I had difficulty hearing for a good hour.

Remember, I did everything right, but my car is gone, I’m bruised, suffered a minor concussion and can’t get rid of the headaches, but it could have been a lot worse.

The young woman who was diving the red car was very shaken-up, but aside from some scrapes on her face from the airbags, in pretty good shape. I hope she’s learned something, but if the bumper stickers on her car were any indication, she’ll most likely blame it on everything, except her own poor judgment.

I’m left to pick-up the pieces. What I’ll get for the car won’t replace it. I’ll be sore for a while, but will heal. I think the headaches will be with me for a longer time. I’ll find a way to replace what I’ve lost. Until then I’ll drive the gas guzzler. I’ll get another smaller car. It may take a while, but I will get a replacement… and it will be better than the last one.

There’s a lesson here, a teachable moment. The red car can be seen as current political policy, and driving it is Obama and the Democrat Congress… in our lane…going the wrong direction. I’m pretty sure a few Republicans are in the back seat, along for the joy ride.

I, just like most of our readers, have played by the rules. We’ve worked hard, been productive, paid our “fair share” of taxes, and asked for very little from anyone, other than to be left alone. Now, our out of control government is bearing down on us. A head-on crash is inevitable, but it’s not going to be an accident.

After the crash, we conservatives will do what we’ve always done. We’ll pick up the pieces, put them back together as best we can, and get on with rebuilding our lives. It may take a while, but we will rebuild… and it will be better than before.

On a side note, I’ve only been in two accidents. In a bizarre coincidence, I’ve only owned two small cars. Both of them met an early demise at the hands of young women who were into sharing. That is, sharing my lane. Conclusion: These women are very attracted to me when I drive a small car, or -and far more likely- Younger Women Can’t Drive!