NOTICE: The comments section is malfunctioning on this post. Please jot down your rage-filled rantings so you won’t forget the exact vitriol-laced verbiage when it comes back on-line.  Still, the only reason you would do that is because you’re gay.

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Gratefully, I was an Army Recruiter before that inane rule came out. After 1993, recruiters could still disqualify guys if they were commies, but not if they looked for magazines under their mother’s side of the bed. Thanks, Bill.

I’ve been retired for ten years, but I can’t imagine opinions have change much concerning Pole Smokers in uniform. This politically correct and insightful post will focus on those kind, as we men really don’t care if a few of the opposite sex prefers some tacky little pamphlet in their daddy’s bottom drawer. It’s well known, most red-blooded American males secretly lust for some dirty love with a pair of lesbians.

“I’ve been licking this carpet for 3 hours and I still don’t feel like a Lesbian!”   Eric Cartman

Men are dogs… sometimes poodles. I’ll be the first to admit it. It’s true. We hetro guys fantasize a lot about inserting our Tab A’s into a female’s (or six) Slot B’s. That’s just the way we roll.

Those homo guys on the other hand, think a lot about sticking their Tab A’s into our Slot C’s. Not cool.

This is one reason the Greatest Fighting Force in the World doesn’t need flamers, burning down the door as they burst out of their closets, -or in this case, wall lockers- before flitting out to prance around the parade field.

Jeff Foxworthy said, “I’d like a beer and I’d like to see something naked.” I’m 100% certain Jeff was talking about women. That pretty much sums up most dudes, but not all.  President Obama wants the Department of Defense to slide butt pirates into that statement. That’s something I’d pay good money NOT to see.

Don’t try to tell me that they’re only interested in other gay guys. I call bullshit on that notion. If that’s true, the Armed Forces should also allow married males to group shower with married females. After all, they aren’t interested in those women, right?

Seriously, the last thing I’d want -if I was still on active duty- is to have to shower with a guy who was checking out my military member. The essence of this is, human nature is human nature, no matter how unnatural and sickening it may be.

Still, if you want to serve your country and you’re some kind of deviated pervert, do everyone a favor and keep it to yourself. Don’t dick with the good order and discipline of the U.S. Military by attempting to co-mingle your nasty twisted, with their straight, precious bodily fluids.

Come on, really… what makes anyone think that telling a heroic group of young, testosterone laden warriors they should serve with guys who openly admit to wet dreaming about them, is going to have a positive outcome?

Here’s a thought for our wonderful men in the Armed Forces, if Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell does get rescinded, don’t punch them in the face. Instead, every time some Puss in Boots looks at you wrong, pats you on the back, or makes any kind of statement that you could even remotely take as an innuendo, make it known you’re uncomfortable, and believe you’ve been sexual harassed. They want all the same rights and privileges. Give ‘em to ‘em.

I’d like hear your thoughts on this subject. I’d especially like to hear from women. Ladies please let me know what you think about Lesbos in Camos. That, and are you and a girlfriend into three-ways?

I’m only ah, joking about the three-ways thing. Yeah, that’s it. Really. Please don’t tell my wife. I’m kind of attached to my… er… you know.

What’s the easiest way to get one Trillion dollars at absolutely no cost to you? Yes, it’s true — You really CAN get something for nothing. With the President Barack Obama Health Care plan you can turn lead into gold, save the planet from global warming, and get better mileage with your car (especially if you’re using Obama Air Tires).

But wait! There’s more. Order your congressman or Senator to vote for this bill in the next ten minutes and we will throw in, absolutely free, this Obama commemorative coin.

You can go, go, go, in your Hoveround and it won’t cost you a penny, and neither will the Obama Trillion Dollar Health Care Plan.

Just to make sure that you will be able to live the last 20 or 30 years of your life as a drain on society, we’re even going to make sure that your Social Security benefits are safe. In the unforeseen case that the Trillion Dollar Health Care Plan may cost a dollar or two more than we project, you can have the peace of mind in knowing that your Social Security Check is in the mail.

The trillion dollar health care plan slices! It dices! You can even cut a tin can with it. And if you accidentally cut your finger off in the process, it can be surgically reattached without costing the taxpayers a dime. The Obama Health care bill will cost enough money to fill a warehouse, but if you act now, you can recieve this special offer absolutely free!

That’s Not All! You can eat all you want and never gain a pound! Get all the prescription drugs you want and it won’t ever cost anyone anything. That’s right. It costs nothing! We make this satisfaction guarantee that this one of a kind trillion dollar spending bill will have no effect on the deficit. It won’t add a single penny. If your not completely satisfied in the first 90 days, You’re still stuck with it anyway. All Trillion Dollar health care plans are non-returnable, so they’re completely safe for the environment.

Call your Congressman today!

In case you didn’t know, the Winter Olympics are going on, even as you read this. (Unless you’re reading this some time after the Olympics are over, then…) I prefer to watch the Winter versions over the Summer ones. This is my own personal bias. Call it prejudice if you like.

Some might say it’s because I’m a White, Racist, Sexist, Homophobic Conservative, and very few Winter Olympians are Black. Some of them are Asian, but very few are Hispanic. A bunch are women, and a few are gay. Well, I’d like to explore this a little deeper, by using five recent American medalists as examples.

Shaun White is White. He’s also a longhair. I like Shaun, despite his hair. But of course I would. After all, he’s a Rich White Guy.

Lindsey Vonn is White, but she’s also a female, a hot female. Did you see her Sports Illustrated bikini layout? Of course I’m going to like her too.

Apolo Ohno may not have won any gold medals… yet, but he is Asian. Us White folks don’t have problems with Asians, as a rule. We really like their food, but chopsticks may be taking things too far.

Evan Lysacek is also White.  Now I don’t know anything about his private life, but his choice of costume designers have me shaking my head. The last couple of years he’s had his stretchy pants and girlie blouses designed by Vera Wang. “Who are you wearing?” “Oh, I’m wearing Wang.” Enough said.

Then there’s Shani Davis. Oh, no! He’s Black! It’s okay though; he’s a clean, articulate Black man with no Negro dialect. I guess we have to have a token, just like South Park.

This is how the Vast Left Wing Conspiracy would have you believe that I think. What a bunch of fucking retards.

I like the Winter Olympics because America dominates them, and our fabulous athletes are some of the nicest people you’d ever want to meet. They have no problems stomping on the competition in the morning, and then taking them out for a friendly beer that afternoon.

How do I know this? I live in Central Oregon, where we’ve got elite winter athletes on ever corner. And no, they aren’t holding signs, looking for handouts.

I’ve met a lot of them and worked with a few. These people are dedicated, hard working, honest, none-steroid taking individuals. Emphasis on individuals. I’d go so far as to say they are small business entrepreneurs.

I haven’t meet a one that didn’t want to make a living off of the years of labor and sacrifice they’ve dedicated to their sport. A few have. Some have made a butt-load of money. Good for them. They are the American Dream.

Democrats would have you believe that Shaun White is evil. He must be. With all his endorsements and other business deals, he’s rich! Not Al Gore rich, but still way over 250K a year rich. Some estimates are into the millions.

According to the Dems, his kind are not an example of what’s right with America, he’s what’s wrong; too much wealth in the hands of too few. Democrats are Communist.

Speaking of communist, there’s those figure skaters, with all those sequins and lacy, see-through costumes. And then we have the females… It’s like I’ve taken a trip to San Francisco.

Maybe you can guess, I’m not a big figure skating fan. Aside from the limp-wristed aspects, it’s the fact that those Pinkos have ruled the sport for years. The Chinese couple, Ying and Yang -or whatever their names are- won the gold. Fine, they’re good, really good, but still commies.

The Russians are going to do well too. What? Russians aren’t communist? Come on, did you really think they woke-up one day, found their empire had collapsed, and suddenly turned into Capitalist? With the ex-head of the KGB and his puppet running Russia, they’re still Red.

If I had my way, I’d get rid of figure skating and put in figure-eight, short track racing. Now that’s entertainment.

Americans love winners. We all want to be one. Most Americans would like to have enough money to never have to worry about it again. The vast majority celebrates those who have worked hard and earn an honest living.

Most of our elected officials don’t want you to have these things. They don’t like honest winners. This is why President Obama, and the Democrat Congress, are on their way out.

Next time you see one of these dishonest, lying bastards commenting on how proud they are of our Olympic athletes, try not to throw anything at your TV, or you’ll miss seeing Real Americans at work. It may be the last time. Four years from now there won’t be any snow.