5 Surefire Ways to be More Unproductive
If you wanted to increase your productivity, you already blew it the moment you opened up your internet browser.
Clearly, there is something else that you ought to be doing. It’s just as clear that you have no intention of doing it. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here.
I know as well as you do that what you want are tips on how not to get things done.
Here are 5 tips on decreasing your productivity:
↓ Read a blog
You’re already doing this one, so it’s an easy choice. Just keep clicking through the recent posts or the archive. You could also follow some of the links to others that I have provided you, like Humor-Blogs.com. Whatever you do, stay on the internet.
↓ Sleep
Sleeping feels good. When you do it, you’re unconscious, so obviously you’re not being productive while you sleep.This one does come with a warning label, though. It’s possible that when you wake up you will fell invigorated, motivated, and energized. I suggest following this one with the next tip.
↓ Watch TV
Not only is watching TV unproductive, it has the added bonus of making you dumber. The more you watch, the less you do, and the dumber you get. Watching TV is a great way to avoid productivity.
↓ Get a job
There’s almost nothing more unproductive than having a job. You spend over half your waking hours being told what to do, when and where. During this time do you get to read a good book, spend quality time with friends and family, or fulfill your life’s purpose? Do you get to enjoy your hobbies, absorb the beauty of nature, or set your own schedule? If you do, you’re probably not a very good employee. There is one thing more unproductive, and that’s our next tip.
↓ Plunge into an addiction
Whether it’s pr0n, drugs, alcohol, gambling, or whatever, having a destructive addiction is the #1 way to be an unproductive person. When you’re drowning in debt, your wife has left you, you have no income, and you have sold out every bit of humanity you have left to get your next high, you won’t be accomplishing anything worthwhile at all. Congratulations! You’ve reached the pinnacle of unproductivity.
Good luck, and keep avoiding doing anything meaningful.
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Category: Humor
2004–2012
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Well, I read a few blogs today and I’m working on a post that probably won’t get posted until tomorrow, because it requires some sincere thought.
I took a really long four hour nap today–having a “fatigue” day.
When I woke up I was motivated—to watch television and read more blogs. I wasn’t motivated to do things that I should be doing, however.
I have a job. So, looking for one, unless I’m helping my mom look for one, is out of the question. Well, unless I plan on moving to another state, which I might, so maybe I should look at that state’s jobs, eh?
Addictions are fun and require a lot of energy, which means more sleep. I used to smoke about a pack a day. I could return to my addiction. I could probably get addicted to sex, but you need to be having it to be addicted. Is that so destructive, though?
Well, I don’t have to worry about my wife leaving me, as I am not married, nor am I a lesbian. I have income, but it is sucked up by the non-income earner under my roof, thus I am drowning in debt.
Yeah, right now an addiction sounds good and productive.
Thanks, Fiar. I appreciate it!
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You must visit my blog, now. I have reflected upon your genius.
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I didn’t bother to read the post. Just wanted to say “yer feet stink”.
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Ok, Ok,I read the damn thing. Awright,here’s the pooop.
Read the post. Put me to sleep. Still asleep. Woke up enough to go back to sleep.
Screqw this. I’mgonu’to bed.
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Wouldn’t work ChrisC. FIAR is one of those invincible dog turds. Always fresh, always ripe.
He has been known to stick to teflon. Save your self before it’s too late.
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Suicide I feel would be another sure-fire way to lower your productivity. Go from giving 110% to 0 in mere minutes! And if you fail and live, it still lowers it!
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Does being bored and unable to sleep count as productive? I figure blinking my eyes is productive.
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I will never be productive again. Thanks!
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I’ve pretty much given up on the whole productive thing. It’s no fun and too much work. I now just create the illusion of productivity. I always walk with purpose even when I have none. Keep lots of papers and documents on my desk even though I just shuffle them from one spot to another. Pretend to studiously read my work email when I actually have my browser open to Radioactive Liberty minimized and can quickly pull up my email when a coworker walks by.
If only I could sleep while pretending to work.
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Ummm, whatcha doin with da site, hippy?
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Breakin’ stuff. You got a problem with that?
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I thought I noticed stuff changing last night. How very productive of you. ;P”””””””
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Yes I do. Change is bad, bad, bad. Complete mind-numbing stasis is where it’s at. All the cool kids are doing it.
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Like the new look.