Get ready, because after this one, the next 8 to 10 Christmases will have President Obama in da (White) House!

Any time now, I’m expecting the phone to ring. On the other end will be the Beastie Boys, just begging me to let them use these lyrics. Until then, break out your kid’s karaoke machines and your old turntables. [Ed note: White guys shouldn't be allowed to rap or write rap lyrics. BTW the Beastie Boys suck]

da Nite B4 Xmas

Want a tell ya little story, ‘bout one Holy Night
A lil somethin’ somethin’, that just wasn’t right

It went down like this, I’m right here to say
Your ass better listen, ‘cus I’m Les J

T’was the night before Christmas, and in the White House
Rham Emanuel was workin’, as quiet as a mouse

The stockin’ weren’t hung, ‘cus that ain’t PC
There be none of that shit, for the First Family

The kiddies was happy, all warm in their rooms
Their heads all filled-up, with Hip Hop and rap tunes

While Ma in stilettos, and Pa in do rag
Had just dashed upstairs, for a quick midnight shag

When out on the lawn, there arose such a ruckus
That it caused the First Couple, coitus interruptus

Pa quickly jumped up, and out of the sack
Threw a chair through the window, took aim with his Mac

A bodyguard burst in, he shattered that door
He’d once been a bouncer, at Club 54

“What da hell!” he exclaimed, to his posse a shout
“We gonna show dem mofo’s, what we all about”

“Yo Dazz, Too Pic, and Sweet Baby G
Get your asses on down there, find out what it be”

“Lil Sweet to the roof top, Mr. Scrap to the wall
Move your feets now, ‘fore I blows off your balls!”

The lights all came on, and flooded the scene
Was some major shit, where the Rose Garden had been

Deep in the bushes, a black Lincoln sat smokin’
And somethin’ inside was red, and was glowin’!

The three hit the ground, expectin’ a blast
But the Lincoln’s doors open, and they gave a gasp!

What they saw next, just blew them away
Was that drunk-ass, som-bitch, Red Nosed Teddy K!

Then wearin’ tight leather, as red as his nose
Stepped out of the Lincoln, eight tiny ho’s

From up in the window, Pa gave a whistle
And a bedside lamp, found his head like a missile

He sunk to his knees, and felt ‘round at his head
Then slowly got up, left to find a spare bed

Out on the lawn, the three backed away
It just wasn’t right, there was somethin’ at play

Then puttin’ a rolled bill, right up his nose
Teddy K did a line, of the finest white blow

From behind cover, the crew watched it all
The lady’s was fine, but so’s a brick wall

Down the ho’s tops, Teddy K was a peakin’
While his red nose, it shown like a beacon

Silent above, prowled a Predator drone
Locked-on his nose, then found it’s way home

When the dust settled down, Teddy K, he was gone
And there was a big hole, in White House lawn

Now over the scene, flew a jolly, old elf
He tossed the controller, and laughed to himself

As he flew out of sight, his voice they could hear
“There’s only one Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer!”

Word

Yo, get yourself over to Les J’s political satire and humor at Sideshow Mirrors or I’ll bitch slap ya! Merry Obamass to all and to all a good night.

Category: Political Humor Tags: Humour, Night Before Christmas, noads, Obama Christmas, Parody, Political Humor