Do not let the news that Al Gore allegedly sexually assaulted a masseuse diminish your faith in Global Warming, or Climate Change or whatever bull they are calling it these days.

What, you did not hear the story? Here you go…

Vice President Al Gore was accused of repeated, unwanted sexual contact with a massage therapist at a Portland hotel room in 2006, according to police reports.

The woman told police she was “repeatedly subjected to unwanted sexual touching” in Gore’s hotel room at the Hotel Lucia, according to the police report.

Is the climate change scam now going so badly Al Gore can not afford an actual hooker, hoping to get off on the cheap with a masseuse?

That is just the tip of the iceberg.

Gore was staying in the hotel under the name “Mr. Stone”, a very un-original alias. Even Michael Vick was more creative, referring to himself as “Ron Mexico” when he went for herpes testing a few years back.

At one point he tried seducing her with Pink’s “Dear Mister President”. That alone is a bad move. First off, the song sucks. Second, the accuser is an admitted member of the Birkenstock crowd.

In other words she is a hippie.

Go with some Grateful Dead or Phish or some other band that plays the same song for twenty minutes. Oh, and don’t forget the pot. I don’t know how many times I used the “want to go up to my room and get high” pickup line in college. It worked very well and I am sure times have not changed in that regard.

His accuser also called him a “crazed sex poodle”. If you just got a little throw-up in your mouth it is understandable.

This whole thing could lead to new public service ads too…

Bill Clinton calls Al Gore on the phone, asking him where he learned to sexually assault women. Gore angrily shouts back “I learned it from watching you!”

Presidents that sexually assault women have Vice Presidents that sexually assault women.

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Chris Cameron is a columnist, writer, and reporter for Radioactive Liberty. He also has his own humor blog Angry Seafood.

Category: Political Humor Tags: Al Gore, Climate Change, Global Warming, massage, portland