Political Humor | Al-Qaeda’s War for Oil

Via Counterterrorism Blog

The Associated Press reported yesterday that in the online magazine Sawt al-Jihad (Voice of the Jihad), the terrorist faction Al Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula called for attacks on oil facilities throughout the world. The terrorist group included Canada, Mexico, and Venezuela in the list of targeted countries:

Wait a second - War for Oil in Canada, Mexico, and Venezuela was my idea. Someone tell those goat fiddlers to bugger off.

One of the main causes for our enemies’ gaining hegemony over our country is their stealing our oil; therefore, you should make every effort in your power to stop the greatest theft in history of the natural resources of both present and future generations, which is being carried out through collaboration between foreigners and [native] agents. . . . Focus your operations on it [oil production], especially in Iraq and the Gulf area, since this [lack of oil] will cause them to die off [on their own].

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A late 2005 report in Newsweek outlines a possible “nightmare scenario” for oil prices, noting former CIA agent Robert Baer’s belief that “a concerted attack at several points” of production in Saudi Arabia could “push[ ] oil prices up from their current prices in the range of $60 to $70 a barrel to well over $100 for weeks or even months.”

Now hold on a second. I don’t remember invading Canada to steal their oil, why would Al-Qaeda want to attack Canada? Iraq is the only place we supposedly invaded to steal oil. What do Mexico and Saudi Arabia have to do with that? I think it’s clear that AQ wants to conduct it’s own imperialist war for oil. I didn’t know we were stealing Saudi Arabia’s oil. I thought we were BUYING it.

I suppose the “Anti-War” crowd will hold protests against AQ’s illegal war for oil. They’ll have signs saying, “No blood for oil.” Code Pink can hold up signs that say, “I support Al-Qaeda… When they shoot their officers.” Some Islamic version of Cindy Sheehan can protest outside a cave in Pakistan, demanding to see Osama bin Laden, not realizing he’s been dead since Tora Bora.

Maybe there can be a Jihadi version of Ehren Watada, and people can point out that he didn’t really volunteer to be a suicide bomber, because once he signed on, and accepted payment, they actually expected him to go get himself killed for this illegal war for oil.

Perhaps the Democrats can spend several weeks hammering out a non-binding resolution expressing their opposition to Al-Qaeda’s invasion of a foreign, sovereign nation to conduct an illegal War for Oil, And Hillary Clinton can say, “If I knew then what I know now, I would have never voted in favor of Al-Qaeda’s use of force.”

“Bin Laden Lied! People Died!”