‘Arizona Beachfront Property Strong Investment,’ Experts Say
In the wake of the interest rate cut by the Fed last week, Americans are scrambling for answers. The stock market has taken a dive.
The word “recession” was reaching a cacophony on Wall Street, and the Fed acted to stabilize the economy with a interest rate reduction of of quarter percent.
Just minutes after the December 11 announcement by Bernie Bernanke, the Dow Jones tumbled 197 points and the S&P 500 dropped 24 points.
Bernanke has faced harsh criticism, including calls for his resignation.
Where does this leave Middle America?
Many Americans are struggling to know what investments are safe, and what are not. The Radioactive Liberty financial department sought the opinions of top Financial experts in the fields of market analysis, and investment.
While loudmouth Jim Cramer says that now is the time to invest in IPTV hardware supplier, Sigma Designs (SIGM), actual financial experts gave the nod to beachfront property in Arizona, but cautioned against the risk of placing assets in the Brooklyn Bride commodities market.
Alister Skul, the CFO of VampireKlown technologies admonished investors to be wary of offers to buy the Brooklyn Bridge, saying,
“Sooner or later, the Brooklyn Bridge will fall into the water…so will California.”
Global Warming may play a role in securing the long term viability of Arizona Beachfront property, according to a top advisor from Pope-Terry Mutual Investments.
RT Mongress, of Mongress and Mongress Financial, agrees that Arizona Beachfront Real Estate is a sound investment, and claims that there is “plenty of sand for everyone!”
Only Harris Bloom, founder of Harris, Bloom, Bloom, and Harris was found to have a favorable opinion towards investing in the Brooklyn Bridge, but skeptics point to the fact that Harris Bloom is one of the chief investors in the Bridge, and question his objectivity.
Chris Cameron of Idetrorce Mutual Funds encourages Americans to think outside the box to alleviate financial woes. According to Mr. Cameron:
“With a more creative approach, you can buy both and move the bridge to Arizona. Now you have a tourist attraction that can compete with the London Bridge.”
This can help to mitigate risk by offsetting a potentially bad situation with the ability to create a big boost in the Arizona tourist industry.
Humor-Blogs.com will have more on this story as it develops.
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Category: Humor Tags: Arizona Beachfront, Bernanke, Business, Fed, Financial, Global Warming, Humor, Idetrorce, Investment, Stock Market, Worthless News
2004–2012
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I maintain that my vote was not swayed at all by my financial interest in the Brooklyn Bridge.
I would further argue that an any investor knows, a contrarian approach works best, ergo, the fact that I was the only person to back The Bridge means that The Bridge is the better investment vehicle.
If anyone would like to buy a piece, I have plenty for sale…but it’s going fast, so hurry up.
Rock On,
Aitch
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“Mongress and Mongress Financial”
Heh, that’s good.
BTW, Harris, are you related to Flowers, by any chance?
Check his papers FIAR.
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Full disclosure Harris! Full disclosure! NO! NOT FULL FRONTAL! Ewwwwwwwwww!!! Put that away! NOW!
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My lawyers have advised me that I may not make a comment at this time, though believe you me, I would like nothing better than to clear my name in this whole Arizona Beachfront/Brooklyn Bridge Fiasco.
Flowers Bloom?
C’mon Skul, you’re better than that.
Rock On,
aitch
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Well, Skul, he hasn’t denied a relationship to Flowers Bloom
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I have fourteen shiny canadian dollars how much of the bridge can I buy with that…
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Good point FIAR.
I therefore stand by my fake but accurate question.
Probably most of it PT.
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(I am just testing out the edit feature).
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It didn’t work Eileen, yer comment still came though.