A Tutorial by Barack Obama
Hi. I’m Barack Obama. Ever since the 70’s when my idol Jimmy Carter was President, The American Automobile Association has been giving us the same advice on fuel economy.
Clearly, with oil consumption increasing every year, the people of all 58 States of this embarrassing country still have not stopped clinging to their guns and bibles long enough to learn a new language. Nor have they learned the key to unlimited oil supply.
Today, I am going to show you how we will never need to drill for another drop of oil, forever and ever. Unicorns will frolic, and cats and dogs will play together. It’s easy to follow these simple instructions on maintaining the condition of your motor vehicle.
How to Keep Your Car Running Right, by President Barack Obama
First, pop open the hood. You should see something called an Obama. No, seriously, it’s called a dipstick. See. I made a funny. Pull out the dipstick and wipe it off. Now you put the dipstick in. You pull the dipstick out, check the oil level and you shake it all about. You do the hokey pokey and you… Ahem.
Make sure the oil covers the dipstick in the textured area between the minimum level and the maximum level. Is your oil at the proper level? Can we do it? Yes we can!
Next check the tire pressure. You don’t want the tires to be over inflated like my ego, or under inflated like my qualifications. For this step you will need a tire pressure gauge. Apply the tire pressure gauge to the valve stem and allow a short burst of air to flow through and measure your tire pressure.
Careful now. Don’t let the tire pressure gauge cling to the valve like a bitter American or you’ll wind up with tires as empty as my campaign promises. Your tire pressure as measured by the gauge should match the manufacturer’s recommendation as printed on the tires.
You may have noticed I have a funny name, and I don’t look like all those other President’s on the dollar bills. That really doesn’t have any relevance to this, or anything at all for that matter, so let’s continue.
You should check the rest of your fluids the same way. Check the levels on your brake fluid, transmission fluid, power steering fluid, and headlight fluid. Did I mention I’m black? But let’s not make race an issue.
Using these tips, we could save all the oil that they’re talking about getting off drilling, if everybody was just inflating their tires and getting regular tune-ups. You could actually save just as much.
This will be important, because saving 20 cents a gallon at the pump will almost offset the 25 cents per gallon tax I will implement in the first 6 months.
This will be a key part of my Obama 10 years plan to solve America’s energy crisis with hope and change, but mostly just hope. And wind up cars.
I’m Barack Obama and I approve this satire.
Humor-Blogs.com also approves. Thanks and gratitude to Dr. Les James for the Obama Oil Check and Obama Tire Pressure photo enhancement. Wind-Up Car by ToastyKen
* Don Surber uses facts, logic, and numbers to show just how insignificant the gains would be.
2004–2008
18 responses so far ↓
1
RT
// Aug 4, 2008 at 9:06 pm
Brilliant post!
2
Les James
// Aug 4, 2008 at 10:14 pm
Boy, when you get something in your head, you go for it! Funny stuff.
3
Chris C.
// Aug 5, 2008 at 4:42 am
I don’t know whether Obama is stupid or clinging to the old meaning of a tune-up which was adjusting a carburetor to get the optimal fuel efficiency. Maybe he thinks cars still have chokes or that you can flood an engine.
4
Les James
// Aug 5, 2008 at 12:22 pm
My 1973 Cadillac Eldorado use to only get 7 MPG. Now because of your brilliance and fore-thinking leadership, I now get 9 MPG! That’s a 22% increase! If only more people would listen to you, we would be free of the yoke of Saudi oil in a week! And the Polar Bears would have ice to live on and won’t have to crap in the woods. Bless you, Senator Obama.
5
Augusto
// Aug 5, 2008 at 12:39 pm
Les, with that mileage you need to get a Hummer to tow that Caddy.
My 61 Cadillac convertible gets 15 mpg but maybe that is because I keep that tire pressure just where it should be thus making my car run almost on wind-power alone.
And I take out my spark plugs to polish them every time I drive the car to ensure optimal sparking.
6
Two Dogs
// Aug 5, 2008 at 5:45 pm
Fitch, not to just drop in to point out your errors, but Barry is correct, proper inflation of your tires with save as much oil as the Democrats propose to drill. I am sure that you regret the error.
And according to Obama, he had already visited 57 states, with one more to go, but his staff wouldn’t let him go to Hawaii or Alaska. There are actually 60 states. I am sure that you regret the error.
I am sure that these little miscues were only typos on your part, but accuracy in media is paramount. Keep up the good work, RACIST!
Yes, according to an e-mail I received today, I too am a racist.
7
Skul
// Aug 5, 2008 at 7:21 pm
BO is absolutely right. Inflating your tires to the recomended pressure will save a percaentage of gas. I’m bumping mine up to the 350-400psi range and sell the excess gas my car produces. If everyone does that, we’d be an oil exporting county again.
8
Fiar
// Aug 5, 2008 at 9:30 pm
TD. I think you’re correct 0=0. I’ll be sure to put a correction on page D4 next Tuesday.
As far as the number of states, that was a little convoluted. you could argue anything between 57 and 60 was indicated by the clip.
The #1 way that it is searched for on the internet is with the search term obama 58 states. Google it and see if the site holding the #1 and 2 spot seems familiar. So, I can’t say as I regret an error that brings in so much traffic, especially when it’s debatable just how many states he thinks there are.
See the screenshot of my keyword traffic:
Last point, of course you are a racist. Aren’t all Mississippi hillbillies?
9
Two Dogs
// Aug 5, 2008 at 10:00 pm
Fitch, get it straight, there are not many hills in Mississippi. We are rednecks. Remember Joe Scarborough continually saying over and over after Katrina hit, “The Redneck Riveria?” He did not say, “The Hillbillie Hollywood,” now did he?
And I keep watching that video of Barry over and over, I actually think that he says 57 snates. I am not sure what a “snate” is actually, but that is what it sounds like to me. And if he says there are 57 snates, you can take that to the bank.
On your searches, it says “veloci-crap-tor.” Imagine that instead of eating anything and everything, the velocicraptor did, well, you get the picture. Dammit, that is funny.
10
Fiar
// Aug 5, 2008 at 10:01 pm
Skul, Great to see you again. Between your idea, and Augusto’s I think I’m getting an idea to solve the energy problem.
11
Fiar
// Aug 5, 2008 at 10:05 pm
I’ll be sure to correct the hillbilly error on page D4 next Tuesday as well.
I’m off to look up what snates are, and if they will solve the energy problem, or if they help my car maintain the correct tire pressure.
Wait, wouldn’t that be the same thing?
12
Fiar
// Aug 5, 2008 at 10:11 pm
Chris I don’t know whether Obama is stupid
I’m convinced he makes George W. Bush look like Stephen W. Hawking. President Obama is so dull that I keep expecting him to collapse in on himself into a singularity of stupid.
13
Two Dogs
// Aug 5, 2008 at 10:21 pm
The Obamoron is so dense that when he walks by the refrigerator, magnets fly off and smack him smartly about the melon.
14
Les James
// Aug 5, 2008 at 10:45 pm
“I’m convinced he makes George W. Bush look like Stephen W. Hawking”
Bush has a talking computer? That (and being Texan) explains his English.
Two Dogs - “smack him smartly” wouldn’t that be a Oxobamoron?
15 Satire | Obama Air Tires | Political Humor by Radioactive Liberty // Aug 8, 2008 at 9:01 am
[...] Auto Maintenance With Obama ← Hippies Recycle Everything Including Their Mantras [...]
16 Satire | Energy Independence: The Perot Plan | Political Humor by Radioactive Liberty // Aug 26, 2008 at 9:03 am
[...] goin’ to fix somethin’, when they don’t even know how it’s put together. Tire pressure, my big ears. They’re incompetent. I wouldn’t let either of them supervise the trash [...]
17 Republican National Convention Schedule Heats Up | Political Humor by Radioactive Liberty // Sep 4, 2008 at 11:39 am
[...] Walken in a homicidal nightmare. I suppose President Obama made some sort of speech about checking the tire pressure in our cars, and brushing our teeth before we go to bed, and may have even asked for some [...]
18 Obama Putting Lipstick on a Pig in all 57 Islamic States | Political Humor by Radioactive Liberty // Sep 10, 2008 at 8:14 pm
[...] that there will be a new line of Obama Lipstick coming out to complement the Obama Air Tires, and Obama Air Gauges already for sale. Then again, maybe he sees pig farming in the future. Be on the lookout for the [...]
Leave a Comment or the Terrorists Win!
If you're wondering how to get an icon next to your name, go to gravatar.com and sign up for a free account.
Remember, only terrorist sympathizers don't have a gravatar.