Obviously Hitler needs a t-shirt. He is the only bad guy from the past who hasn’t turned it around and become a role model thanks to clueless generations of people who have no idea who the fuck he was. As you can see he is not happy because of all the catching up he has to do to against some of the big names and places in the cultural role model venue.

We have Che Guavara, a veritable saint. From the way people talk, you would say he is equal to Mother Theresa in both goodness and works. After all he was one hell of a guy. He ran the soup kitchen on Fridays, helped old ladies crossing the street, and saved cats stuck up in trees. He was just a wonderful human being. That stuff about killing hundreds of people and being Castro’s right-hand man are just hearsay and rumors.

Earlier this year Congress honored Rachael Carson, the author of the book “Silent Spring” which directly led to the banning of that awful DDT chemical in the 1970’s. Her timing was excellent as she made sure the developed nations had rid themselves of their malaria issues first. She really was a hero. God Bless her.

We didn’t need any scientific evidence either to ban it, just a book written by someone equal to the Pope in reverence. Of course I am talking about the current Pope who has no racist thoughts and never says negative things about other religions. He loves Islam.

Besides, did we really need hundreds of millions more Africans to live over the last thirty years? Hell, AIDS and famine didn’t kill that continent, so we need something better. Might as well let them use DDT because it will finally kill them off. Getting to the diamonds and the oil is a pain in the ass with all these Africans around.

My question is: why stop there? We need to keep going because there are a lot of misunderstood people and events in the past. It can’t end with Che and Rachael.

On a side note, doesn’t that sound like a fun nightclub act?

Rachel: “We’re Che!”
Che: “And Rachael!”
(Cue the joke-telling background music)
R: “Hey Che I just killed five million Africans this year!”
C: “How will I fill my death camps then Rachael?”
R: “Leftovers I guess.”
C: “Leftovers again!?”
(Crowd breaks out in laughter.)

The ‘leftovers again!?’ line would be their running gag of course. Hollywood will then stretch it out into a ninety-minute movie that sucks. But we aren’t talking about the film industry. They require a separate essay on their image problem.

This is about making not-so-nice people and events more palatable. This is about embracing them in a positive manner.

The Khmer Rouge had no choice but to stop an uprising. The arts community in Cambodia was really awful and it would have had significant impact on the worldwide film industry if it was allowed to continue.

Mao Tse-tung liked Peru; he just wanted to challenge them to strive to be better. The so-called ‘march’ in Bataan was actually a parade just with no elephants. Mussolini wasn’t so bad once you get past the micromanagement issues. Was the Wicked Witch of the West so horrible when you consider the story from her viewpoint: woman seeks revenge for the death of her sister?

In order for us to move on as a society we need to make sure all of the past figures, leaders, and events are remembered as role models for us to all aspire to one day become.

So remember everyone, buy your Hitler T-Shirts now before everyone else does and he goes mainstream.

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