Apologies to the World for Barack Obama

April 8th, 2009 by JumpOut · 14 Comments ·

Dear World:

I’m Sorry. I’m sorry you had to view the uncomfortable display of our President on his apology tour of the world. I know it was a hard thing to witness. I have to think it was like watching the Bridges of Madison County. You have America (fuck yeah!) who, like Clint Eastwood, has spent most of its career developing an image of kickassery and awesomeness. Then you have Barack Obama acting like Clint Eastwood in Bridges of Madison County. All of our fans around the world must have been like, “WTF?”

Maybe it was less like Bridges of Madison County, and more like Hugh Jackman hosting the Oscars. Hugh Jackman played Wolverfreakingrine. America is very much like Wolverine. We have kickass retractable claws, and we are unbreakable. Barack Obama is alot like Hugh Jackman at the Oscars. I mean Barack might as well have said, “America is super, thanks for asking.”

Reagrdless of the comparison, it must have been pretty uncomfortable to watch President Obama shed his, and his country’s manhood on a worldwide stage. He’s all like “I’m sorry my country acted like a dick”. Where the hell is Marlon Brando when you need him? Oh, yeah, he’s dead.

Did John Wayne apologize to Robert Duvall after he shot his ass? Hell no! Did Admiral Nimitz Apologize to Tojo after smashing his fleet in the Pacific? Hell no! Where the hell does our wiener in Chief get off breaking tradition and apologizing to a bunch of people whose asses we either have kicked already, or might possibly kick in the future?

I feel sorry for you, world. It looks like this huggy-feelgood, hopeychange will be going on for a while. I hope you foreign folks can keep your tea and crumpets down while President Obama is blowing rainbows up your knickers.

You can rest assured, though, that there are still good, old fashioned, patriotic Americans here that won’t apologize for our greatgrand fathers stomping mudholes in your asses. Nor will we apologize for our grandfathers walking the aforementioned mudholes dry. You can rest assured that even though our President is out prostrating himself before fancy princes in frilly hats, America is still the beacon for kickassery and awesomeness to the world. So, world, I give you a hearty fuck you, and I look forward to kicking your ass in the future.

If you are a foreigner that needs his ass kicked, you can find JumpOut at his law enforcement humor blog, You Should Be Tasered.

Category: Political Humor Tags: Apology Tour, Barack Obama, Humour, Obama Funny, Political Humor, President Obama

14 responses so far ↓

1 Elm // Apr 8, 2009 at 10:45 am

Maybe JumpOut should consider running for President. America needs a commander who will allow us to whoop ass around the globe.
2 USA_Admiral // Apr 8, 2009 at 11:19 am

Hoo-RAH!
3 Angie // Apr 8, 2009 at 11:19 am

Hell, yeah! Some 52% (give or take, depending on how many were votes cast from cemeteries or some ACORN asshat’s imagination) of Americans thought they were electing a “black” man to the Oval Office, and here we find out he’s a big purple dinosaur in disguise.
4 Alex L. // Apr 9, 2009 at 12:00 am

‘So, world, I give you a hearty fuck you, and I look forward to kicking your ass in the future.’

Good to hear, I was worried for a second you went and changed on us.
5 Skul // Apr 9, 2009 at 4:17 am

Well, I take it jumpout” is not pleased with having a community organizer as the leader of our nation.
Thousands of dollars were spent for your “diversity” training you little ungrateful twit!!!1!
Where is your undying gratitude??
6 JumpOut // Apr 9, 2009 at 11:54 am

Diverstiy? What’s that?
7 Les James // Apr 9, 2009 at 1:20 pm

The big question for me is, did any of these new friends accept Obama’s apology? I have yet to hear anything from the MSM, which I’m sure we would. Over and over and over and…

And if they don’t, are they holding a grudge? Will this be Bush’s fault too? No one can sulk like the French.
8 Chris C // Apr 9, 2009 at 9:13 pm

Les the new scapegoat is FOX News haven’t you heard?
9 RT // Apr 9, 2009 at 11:45 pm

Obama just gave lunch money to the bully. Ass.
10 conservative09 // Apr 10, 2009 at 4:37 pm

Why the hell would the US owe apologies to Europe? Look at all the crap that manifested over there, past and present!
11 TJ // Apr 13, 2009 at 12:33 am

Excellent post…but Hugh Jackman is an Aussie. Maybe all the kickassery has been outsourced down unda’.
12 JumpOut // Apr 13, 2009 at 8:41 am

I would have bought that had Hugh not been so faaaaaaabulous during the Oscars.
13 Obama Works on Next Appeasement Speech | The Planets Best Political Humor at RadioactiveLiberty.com // Oct 15, 2009 at 11:39 am

[...] “Let me be clear. We must have something to apologize to them [...]
14 Obama Works on Next Appeasement Speech // Oct 15, 2009 at 6:55 pm

[...] “Let me be clear. We must have something to apologize to them [...]

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