Keeping in line with my epiphany that I will now support Barack Obama, I’ve decided that Bernie Madoff is one of my personal heroes. Mr. Madoff has done this country a great service, and I am afraid he is being unfairly treated. If he is convicted, I will start a letter writing campaign to have Mr. Madoff pardoned by America Czar President Obama.
Are those boos I am hearing? Hear me out. I can’t imagine how you people don’t get this. Let me see if I can spell this out for you.
First, Mr. Madoff has protected some of the most vulnerable American Citizens. Like the protection offered by President Obama, those being protected probably don’t feel really protected, but I assure you they are. Bernie Madoff has most likely put all Nigerian e-mail scammers out of business. By taking money from a bunch of rich fools, he has taken away a huge chunk of Nigerian spam e-mail profits. It’s likely the Nigerian spam e-mail industry will be crashing shortly.
Second, Mr. Madoff only took money from rich people. Rich people who probably fly in jets. Now, those jet riding fat cats can’t fly in their jets as often because they can’t afford it. Mr. Madoff is saving the environment. While Barack Obama will save the environment by both taking all your money, and raising the price of fuel, Mr. Madoff has no control over the price of fuel. He did the best he could. I’m sure we’ll find out next year that global warming cooling climate change is over. It will be in no small part to Mr. Madoff’s contribution. And like Barack Obama, he knows that it doesn’t matter who you hurt, as long as you save the environment.
Lastly, Mr. Madoff accomplished something my favorite president could never accomplish. He was able to redistribute the wealth of rich people without the power of the IRS. How can you not be impressed by that. He was able to get people to choose to give him their money. That’s a conservative redistributionist right there.
As you can see, Mr. Madoff’s agenda, and President Obama’s agenda are very similar. I don’t think you can support one without supporting the other. That would be dishonest. Since I have recently started supporting Mr. Obama, I will now be supporting Mr. Madoff as well. They have both served their country admirably. They should be rewarded equally.
If you liked this post, JumpOut will be writing more posts about crime and criminals at his law enforcement humor blog, You Should Be Tasered
2004–2010
10 responses so far ↓
1
Snigs
// Mar 12, 2009 at 11:52 am
Jump…I don’t know what to say. o.O
2
Les James
// Mar 12, 2009 at 2:11 pm
Toss Geithner and Summers out on their ears. Madoff (with the loot) is our guy!
3
Steve
// Mar 12, 2009 at 10:06 pm
It saddens me to know end to come back after my retreat to find you have learned nothing. My soul had been cleansed but I can feel the dirty hate from your lies seeping in around the edges. Madoff is a vicious evil man. He is what us wrong with the USA. Obama has nothing to do with these rich people. He will take back what they have stolen from the people and bring a sense of community back to our country. This is a great time of rejoicing and I will not let you bring me down to your level.
4
Snigs
// Mar 12, 2009 at 10:57 pm
Just when I thought it was safe to put away the Barf Bucket, Steve shows up again.
5
Eric
// Mar 13, 2009 at 7:51 am
All I can think of to say.
Aim higher.
6
Dean04Prez
// Mar 13, 2009 at 8:10 am
I think thats awesome that you like President Obama now. Now you need to work on bringig others on this blow to are way of thinking.
7
Jr
// Mar 13, 2009 at 6:55 pm
“If” he is convicted?
I understand he pleaded guilty. He convicted himself.
But you’re right, the similarities are very real.
I hear Madoff is in favor of unconditional talks with Iran, sucks at basketball and has wanted a Portuguese Waterdog for some time now.
8
JumpOut
// Mar 13, 2009 at 7:38 pm
Steve, you’re act is tedious. At least at first you’re comments seemed to be genuine. Now it’s like you’re not even trying.
Jr, he did plead guilty, but I hadn’t heard that when I wrote this on Wednesday.
9
Glenn
// Mar 16, 2009 at 4:29 pm
It saddens me to “know end” that Steve is too stupid to understand parody and sarcasm.
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