Billy Mays, Obama Amazing TV Offer
Want an Official Obama plate to hang on your wall? Or how about a few of those coins with the Certificate of Authenticity but you don’t want to pay an arm and a leg for them? Or maybe you just want something unique in the way of Obama-ploitation mementos? Have we got the perfect keepsake for you.
Hi, I’m Billy Mays. I’ve promoted a lot of wonderful products in my time but I’ve never seen anything like this. Image owning a piece of history that you’ll be proud to display on you mantle. Think of what you friends will say, when they see that you have your very own bit of Obama.
Obama-mania is sweeping the nation. But many of these products are limited to short runs and will simply disappear in the next few months. And once they’re gone, they’re gone!
DemTools is very happy to announce that they have reached an exclusive agreement with our new President, for a phenomenal collectible that you can keep on collecting.
What makes this such a national treasure you ask? That’s simple. Like any good renewable resource, this one is very abundant and has little impact on the environment. What could this delightful product be?
It’s the amazing Barack BM, and we won’t be running out any time soon.
Over the course of 8-10 years, the average person poos 2927-4212 times, but not our new President. He’s full of it, and want’s to spread the wealth. Best of all, the more he spreads it, the deeper it gets. Isn’t that fantastic?
We expect at least 20 times the crap from him as compared to any other President in living memory. Matter of fact, every deposit is so large, we divide it up into hundreds of smaller souvenirs. So there’s plenty to go around.
Watch this. Ordinary human excrement is soft and smells bad. [Squishes some in his hand] Wow, that’s nasty!
But not the amazing Barack BM. It’s tough as nails. [Bangs it loudly on the table] Would you do this with a regular bowel movement? [Holds to nose] and Barack BM doesn’t stink! That’s incredible!
After repeated washings, Barack BM still looks as fresh as the day it was made. It’s completely lead free, you can let you kids play with it. Non-toxic, organic and is bio-degradable, it makes the perfect gift.
Best of all, it comes with a Statement of Ingredients; you’ll know just what’s in each pile.
Here’s a testimonial from a satisfied customer. It’s from Mikey, a 9 year old boy from Pennsylvania.
[Billy reads]
Wasn’t that touching?
Approved by the FDA, the Federal Defecation Administration, and it’s certified. That way you’re guaranteed, that if it’s from President Obama, it’s 100% Pure H#1t.
Order yours today and we’ll throw in a free Michelle Obama tampon! You’d think supplies would be limited but this First Lady’s always on the rag.
Get yours now!
Les has more Obama S#1t available at Sideshow Mirrors
*Les, I assure you I read the whole thing and did not just squeeze this crap out through the queue ~Fiar
Category: Political Humor Tags: Billy Mays, Dirty Obama Jokes, Humour, noads, Obama coin collection, Obama Mania, Obama memorabilia
2004–2012
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Well, if that s#1t don’t beat all.
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Yeah, and if you don’t like what Obama’s laying down, remember Billy’s demonstration-tough s#1t.
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You can’t make this s#1t up.
Hey! where’s the price? I know it’s priceless, but the quantities are so vast everyone gets some. Where’s the economic stimulation in that? Surely there is a $149.99 shipping fee. What kind of s#1t is that?
And that michelle tampon thing is some seriously disgusting s#1t, I’ll pass.
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I can not understand how you can even write this after the last eight years of Bus#1t. His father was not as bad but Reagan was the biggest pile of fecal matter this country has seen since W. Obama will clean out the sewer that is the conservative “movement” and then the ultra far right that people like Bush and his oil robber baron buddies belong to will be gone forever. Terrorist like Limbaugh and Bill O’reily will find themselves in jail for treason. How do you like that s#1t?
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I sincerely hope I’m not speaking out of turn here, but damn Steve, STFU already. You make Billy Mays and his pile of poo seem mighty damned enticing.
Les, you’ve outdone yourself with this. I read it at work, where I didn’t have time to reply. However, I got the boss, the other assistant and my husband to the computer to read it.
Your s#1t about his s#1t is THE s#1t!
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This s#1t’s a ripoff. Everybody knows ‘ol Billy doesn’t just sell one item. Where’s the “BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE”. What happened to the over valued accessories for free? Huh! Can you answer that? Where’s the special punchbowl, the gold colored pedistal? Maybe some crystal flies or something. Crap, I spelled pedestal wrong. Well, it’s too late to change that s#1t now.
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Eric, Skul- That’s just like the two of you to expect more. I worked my ass of putting out this s#1t but are you satisfied? Nooooo… As it happens, Billy was under special contract to DemTools and wasn’t allowed to sell anything else.
You know Obama doesn’t competition. He’s doing his best to eliminate it at every turn.
If you don’t like my answer, I don’t give a s#1t.
Snigs – Thanks. I hope you still have a job.
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Oh yeah, I do. The boss is pretty cool like that.
The co-worker however, is stupid. The entire post was over her head. I enjoy confusing her and thank you for helping me do that today.
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Obama wasn’t running against Bush Steve. He won because of the economy. So why are other things being addressed FIRST?
Good thing we closed Gitmo because that was priority #1 when America voted for change.
Good thing we reversed a ban on abortion funding because that was the subject of endless debate during the elections.
Meanwhile the economy lost 71,000 more jobs TODAY. That is the only economic change happening in America.
It reminds me of the classic Fraizer/Ali fight…
(edit: whoops I meant Fraizer/Foreman)
Down goes the economy! Down goes the economy!
The best Obama has is a plan that hasn’t even passed yet. Does it even have the votes? Is that why it is taking so long?
A plan by the way that will help improve education for only 10% of school kids. Which ones get to be the chosen few?
A plan that will fix 10% of America’s schools. That’s like one school per state. Hope it’s the one in my town.
A plan that will make medical records electronic. Didn’t anyone read about the identity breach last week?
Hell, Obama’s phone is not 100% secure despite what they say. It can be hacked. Anything can. You want your medical records in cyberspace?
A plan that will give us back $2 a day in payroll taxes that will earnings and thus subject to other taxes like SS and state.
It’s probably closer to $1.25 or $1.50 by the time you get the paycheck.
Meanwhile we have no transparency as far as how much all these banks have in debt and no one talking about reducing spending.
I know when I make less at work, I need to either spend less or work more. Unfortunately many people in Washington never had real jobs so they do not understand this concept.
They think spending more is the solution. Not THEIR money after all right?
Obama won’t make it to a second term if he doesn’t SERIOUSLY address the economy. If we have job losses that are only 5,000 a day in 2009 on average that would increase unemployment by nearly 2 million. That would put us right in the 10% wheelhouse.
The sad part is there are easy but painful solutions. Reduce the overall the money supply and cut spending as well as taxes.
See? Very simple. It’s the execution part that is the bitch. Too bad we as a nation do not have the resolve for it.
So Steve have fun hating Bush for the next four years while our leaders do nothing and are held accountable to no one.
Then again, that’s the status quo for Washington and politics in general.
/end rant.
There, I feel much better.
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$1.75 a day will get me another cup of Starbucks coffee. I do not hate anyone. I want justice. Justice is blind. Just as you are blind to the truth. The truth is you have issues with a man who will free America from the bonds of slavery that your big corporations have imposed over the working people of this country for too long. Education is freedom. The RIGHT to chose is freedom. The slave masters have been thrown off of the plantations and the people will be soon again be free. Your hate speech is not an instrument of freedom. Your bigotry only serves the masters with the whips of servitude. The evils of this police and military backed regime that uses torture to keep other religions in their place are ending. The shame of the fathers is felt by their children and the world sees the change that is happening. Open your eyes and see what we all can see and yet you are blind to. Hope is not just a word it is reality and it is now.
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That’s from a Fredrick Douglass speech addressing ACTUAL slavery everyone.
My comments above, however are actual facts I have researched on my own and not something pertaining to a serious problem ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY YEARS AGO.
More rhetoric from Steve in 3…2…1…
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Steve, you are a piece of work, Bucko. I swear if my daddy was still alive, God rest his weary soul, he’d drag your sorry, good for nothing hide into the street and stomp you flat. There’d not be even a grease spot left when he finished with you. Spouting this way and that about all sorts of stuff you don’t have one whit of knowledge about. How old are you? 17? 18? You live 78 years, see all I’ve seen, then drag your sorry carcass back here and tell me you have all the answers.
Maybe, just maybe, someone will actually listen to what you have to say. Hope and change. HA! Go change your step-ins boy and hope that you grow up.
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Oh wait this just in…we have change folks.
The digital tv transition is delayed!
That should get the economy rolling.
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I guess Steve will have to wait get stimulated by watching Obama digitally. Or maybe he doesn’t need anything but a magazine picture of Obama for digital stimulation.
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Let’s see, two can play the plagiarism game:
Mr. George, what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
source
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“Eric, Skul- That’s just like the two of you to expect more. ”
Well YAaaa! Eric and I are entitled to more of the s#1t you dish out.
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[...] Billy Mays, Obama Amazing TV Offer [...]
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Stock TIP. Invest everything you have in EX LAX and KIMBERLY CLARK. After the chosen ones anti stimulus package plugs up the worlds economy, we all will need some relief. When it finally works we will need to wipe up the mess. Might as well make a profit in doing so. OHHHHH Wait. He said now was not the time for profits. OH SHIT. WHat did the left get us into???
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[...] think you were in Jerusalem during Easter and these guys were selling pieces of the cross. Even Billy Mays has gotten in on the act. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want any of that [...]
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[...] Billy Mays here again -this time for the one product that will allow you too, to live the energy wasting [...]
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Oh man, and now Billy Mays is DEAD! Who will speak for us? How much poop has come down on us since your posting? ALOT! and it’s gonna get worse. C’MON AMERICA, FIND YOUR NUTS–DON’T BE NEUTERED!
http://www.yournuts.com is a great place to start!
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[...] Billy Mays were still alive today he would be hawking the RL Gear line of political gifts, or maybe he would [...]
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[...] Billy Mays were still alive today he would be hawking the RL Gear line of political gifts, or maybe he would [...]
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[...] do with a giant pile of crap, as advertised by on of this year’s untimely deaths, Billy Mays. Billy Mays, Obama Amazing TV Offer. Speaking of piles of crap, 2009 heralded the new Obama plan for Hope in Afghanistan. The Obama [...]