The Planets Best Political Humor at RadioactiveLiberty.com » Caustic Sarcasm

How To Tell If You Are A Racer Quiz

Chris C — Sat, 07 May 2011 04:21:43 +0000

If you think Obama was not born here you are a Birther. If you think Bush was responsible for 911 you are a Truther. There are Deathers, people who think Bin Laden is still alive. (He’s hanging with Elvis in Pontiac, Michigan. )

Now there is a new group for people who think any flak aimed at Barack is fueled by racism: Racers.

Here at Radioactive Liberty we have created a test for people to determine if they are a Racer.

Question #1: Are you Whoopi Goldberg?

If you answered yes to this question you are in fact a Racer.

Question #2: True or false: White conservatives secretly voted against Obama in 2008 and Democrats were able to counter the covert racism by illegally flooding the election results with extra votes.

If you answered true you are a Racer and also probably so far to the left you make Obama look like a Moderate. I hear Cuba is very nice this time of year. Make sure you bring toilet paper though.

Question #3: True or False: The news coverage of the Birther controversy was a distraction from the real issues.

If you answered true then you are not only a Racer but ignorant.

Two billion people watched the Royal Wedding. Millions of Americans woke up at the crack of dawn to see it. Every news channel and TLC were devoted to live wall-to-wall coverage.

But somehow Birther talk was the big distraction that week. Elle. Oh. Elle.

Question #4: True or False: You look at the Royal Wedding and wonder where the black people are.

If you answered true you are a Racer. Perhaps you should be asking liberal buddy Prince Charles why that is by the way. Maybe he’s too busy worrying about having less than 96 months to live to come up with racial quotas for the royal family. I don’t know.

If you answered “false” or “no” to all of these questions you are not a Racer. Congratulations.

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Do you have a quiz question to determine if someone is a Racer? Leave yours in the comments below.

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Hacked by the Left

Les James — Sun, 28 Mar 2010 14:34:54 +0000

The #1 Ranked Conservative Humor and Satire site in the entire world has been hacked. A few weeks ago if you tried to comment on my posts, you would be redirected to a 404 page. This should never happen. We fixed this issue by deleting my profile and creating another. That worked for short time, then it occurred again. It isn’t happening to FIAR or Chris C, just me. Coincidence? I think not.

I’ve gotten under someone’s skin. Gee, who’d have ever thunk?

Not to worry. We’ve fixed this again, and continue the open dialog of Free Speech we all enjoy here. We’ve always welcomed your comments, regardless of your views. There’s only been one instance that anyone’s comment has ever been deleted. That pervert crossed the line.

Whomever has hacked us, has arrogantly decided their opinion -of not expressing a written opinion or allowing yours- trumps everyone else’s. This moron doesn’t want you to be heard. I’m still posting.

Well, I’ve got something to say to you: Who the Hell do you think you are, you small-time censor? Fuck you.

I thought I’d feel a lot better after that, but I only feel a little better. I think I know what will fix it.

Let’s start with this: If your feet were on fire, I’d piss on your head, so it flows to the flames. This is my idea of Trickle-Down, you small-minded, chicken shit socialist.

Do the world a favor. Put down the veggie burger and your copy of Tree Spiker quarterly, grab-up a length of hemp rope, then take-up auto-erotic asphyxia… using a high bridge. You probably won’t do it, since maggots like you typically have very tiny, non-functional equipment, and think sex is sucking on the Nanny State’s teat.

You freedom hating, low-life, egotistical coward. You temporarily cut-off the one way you could face me, making you an emotionally unstable Pussy, and a prime example of why contraception needs to be taken more seriously. If you ask your parents, I’ll bet you’d find they didn’t even want you.

All that aside, thanks for showing us (one more time) what Far Left Loons are really like.

Go tell all your dope-smoking, Brown Shirt wannabe friends you got a reaction. Then they’ll all Goose Step here to gloat. All you’ll accomplish is driving-up our already phenomenal number of hits. In the end, I win. I hope you’re happy, because I am.

Oh, and one more thing… Fuck You.

I do feel better.

The Declaration of Independence as Written by Barack Obama

JumpOut — Wed, 20 May 2009 14:00:48 +0000

Or The Obamunist Manifesto

When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the ideal of the individual that has allowed individuals to fail or succeed on their own merit and to become primarily devoted to the advancement of the collective and it’s agenda, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the abolishment.

We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men should be made to be the same, and are endowed by their government with certain inconstant rights that are to be changed as the government sees fit to protect man from himself, and swell the federal tax coffers. — That to administer these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from their good intentions and the ignorance of the governed, — That whenever any individual becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the government to jail it, shoot it, or to legislate and/or tax it into oblivion, and to institute new Government programs, laying its foundation on safety, and the populace’s inability to discern. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed. Ever. But when a long train of individuals and their lamentations, questioning invariably their government being reduced to absolute despotism, it is their government’s right, it is their government’s duty, to become increasingly more rigid, and to provide new Guards for government’s future security. — Such has been the patient sufferance of this government; and such is now the necessity which constrains it to alter its former Systems of Government. The history of the former President’s of the United States is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny of the individual over the collective. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

Some individuals have excess, while others have none.

Individuals have forbidden their Government to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless the government could reasonably show that the laws would not intrude on individual liberty.

Individuals have tried to stop their government from levying unnecessary taxes against them.

Some individuals have done harm to others.

In every stage of these Oppressions the government has tried to circumvent these protestations through the judiciary. Still, the tyranny of individual liberty protests.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the government of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of this government, solemnly publish and declare, That this united government is, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent from the tyranny of individualism, and that all political protection of the individual from the government ought to be totally dissolved; and that as a Free and Independent government, we have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things with no regard to the will of the individual. — And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of total prohibition on the individual to keep and bear arms, we pledge to destroy the individuals’ Lives, their Fortunes, and their sacred Honor.

JumpOut is currently declaring his independence at his law enforcement humor blog, You Should Be Tasered

JumpOut’s Speech From the White House Correspondents’ Dinner

JumpOut — Wed, 13 May 2009 12:31:56 +0000

How’s everyone doing tonight? Yeah, I just flew in from Louisiana, and boy are my arms tired!

[pause for laughter]

Man, that Wanda Sykes, she sure is funny. Funny-looking!

[pause for laughter]

I know, I know, she’s a lesbian crack-whore, and I hope she contracts AIDS, and dies!

[pause for laughter]

Seriously, though, I’d like to see her go hunting with Dick Cheney, and get shot in the face with a shotgun and die!

[pause for laughter]

Dick Cheney would indeed shoot her in the face. Her face is so ugly, I’m surprised she doesn’t die every time she looks in the mirror!

[pause for laughter]

You know what would be funnier? If she was walking down the street, and got gang-raped to death!

[pause for laughter]

That’s funny right there, I don’t care who you are.

Ooo, ooo, even funnier than that would be if she were in the next skyscraper some terrorists flew a plane into, and she had to choose whether to jump to her death, or burn to death in the giant fireball!

[pause for laughter]

Which one would she would choose? Who cares!

[pause for laughter]

I know this little confabulation is supposed to be about President Obama. His speech was funny. The only thing that could have made it funnier is if he died from kidney failure during it!

[pause for laughter]

You know what else would be funny? If right after he delivered his line about Dick Cheney’s book, How to Shoot Friends and Interrogate People, a sniper shot him in the face!

[pause for laughter]

Do you remember when Gerald Ford used to fall down getting off Air Force One? President Obama should do that while Air Force One is flying!

[pause for laughter]

This audience sucks! You didn’t laugh at one of my funny jokes. You should all die from leukemia!

[pause for laughter]

You can find more funny jokes at JumpOuts law enforcement humor blog You Should Be Tasered

We Must Save the Newspaper Industry!

JumpOut — Thu, 07 May 2009 15:24:01 +0000

Holy crap! The newspaper industry is dying a slow and agonizing death. I can’t believe this. Who would have seen this coming? Who knew that the internet, with it’s immediate access to more than enough free content to choke Linda Lovelace, would crush the newspaper industry beneath the heel of it’s merciless, digital jackboot?

Something has to be done! By that I am certainly not implying that the newspaper industry do anything to save itself. Perish the thought. No, I mean something has to be done by the government involving large infusions of taxpayer dollars to reinvigorate yet another failing, worthless industry.

Another fine course of action would be to punish the success of teh internets by forcing them to share more of their profits with the newspaper industry. After all, with the election of Barack Obama, we seek only economic justice.

The newspapers have done such a wonderful job of informing the public. Or at least they might have had people waited until the morning paper arrived to get their news instead of surfing the web until their eyes began to bleed.

Just look at how deeply they delved into Barack Obama. The way they were the first to sound the alarm when they discovered that Obama hung out with known terrorists, Marxists, and racists. Okay, so maybe they didn’t do that.

Well, at least they have the obituaries. Where else are you going to be able to find information on the latest deaths in your community? Wait, that’s on the internet too?

Damn it, you can’t wrap your fish in Google News! I’d like to see you use the internet to cover your table while you clean your guns. You would also have a hard time using your flat-screen monitor to line the bottom of your birdcage.

Awww, fuck it, let ‘em burn.

I think JumpOut may be burning more stuff at his law enforcement humor blog, You Should Be Tasered

Rebranding Conservatism

JumpOut — Wed, 06 May 2009 19:01:09 +0000

Possible GOP candidates launched a listening tour in an attempt to “rebrand” the Republican Party. It’s about time we got with the program. Cool, hip, new brands are just what young people identify with. Just look at the success “rebranding” has enjoyed in the past.

There once was a fast food chain called “Burger King” that was getting it’s ass kicked by McDonalds all the time. They dropped all those extraneous letters and emerged as BK. The same thing happened with another fast food chain called Kentucky Fried Chicken. Apparently these companies decided that extra letters were the problem, not the shitty service and products at their restaurants.

Dropping extra letters has not been the only rebranding scheme that has had success. Sometimes products have had letters added, or different words altogether put in their names.

For instance, bat-shit crazy has been rebranded under several different names that have enjoyed some modicum of success. One such label for bat-shit crazy was “Global Warming“. When people used to run around telling everyone that the world was going to end, they were just considered bat-shit crazy, and usually only achieved the level of standing on street corners holding cardboard signs while shouting at passers-by. When they decided that they needed a new name, they took on the moniker of “Global Warming” and lots of people bought into their apocalyptic visions of the oceans swallowing up whole countries. Indeed, some enterprising people have come up with ways to make millions by capitalizing on bat-shit crazy‘s new found success.

It appears the “Global Warming” brand may have run it’s course. Bat-shit crazy people have now rebranded their special version of bat-shit crazy as “Climate Change” since it appears the prophecies of the bat-shit crazy community were wrong. “Global Warming” or as it is now known “Climate Change” is not the only version of bat-shit crazy to enjoy success.

There was once a time when people who believed the source of all human problems is an ancient alien race, they were considered bat-shit crazy, and relegated to standing on street corners holding cardboard signs while shouting at passers-by. At some point, a brilliant, but bat-shit crazy, marketer named L. Ron Hubbard decided to rebrand his version of bat-shit crazy as a religion called “Scientology.” He went from standing on street corners holding cardboard signs while shouting at passers-by to getting gazillions of dollars from vapid celebrities and plebes alike. His version of bat-shit crazy is still going strong today.

The success of rebranding is not exclusive to bat-shit crazy or fast food restaurants. Mass murder also enjoyed some success after being rebranded by a charismatic chap with a funny mustache. That chap, who by the way was also bat-shit crazy, was Adolf Hitler. He decided that mass murder needed a new brand. He called it “The Final Solution”. Germans bought into it by the truck load. Once Hitler enacted this deft marketing strategy, he wiped out about a million Jews. That’s some serious brand power.

As you can see, rebranding is a powerful strategy that breeds success. You can’t argue with the results. Can we dupe a shitload of ignorant ovines? Yes, we can!

You can read more of JumpOut’s bat-shit crazy at his law enforcement humor blog, You Should Be Tasered

Obama Murders Blacks For Socialism

Les James — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 16:00:34 +0000

Today I will give you a reprieve from my usual sophomoric political humor and ever so slightly altered images. Instead, I offer a more sober post.

We are not at war with Islam. No shit. The only people who ever said we were, weren’t part of, or supported, the War on Terrorism. Oops sorry, Overseas Contingency Operations.

Our new Commander in Chief (hang-on, shouldn’t that be changed to Contingency Operations Director, as in COD -collect on delivery? Fifty-two percent of the American people who voted delivered him, now he’s collecting from us all -to include those who aren’t even born.) contracted potential terrorist to murder three black, African men. Chances are they were Muslim.

Since Obama’s grandmother stated that he was born in Kenya, which borders Somalia, and since it’s not religious, does he just not care for any Africans, like his half-brother George, who lives in a tiny hut in Kenya or his Aunt Zeituni, who will most likely be deported back there, or his youngest half-brother, Malik who was sick with cholera last month in the same country?

Remember Obama’s half white, does this make him a racist? George Bush would have been accused of just that. Liberals obviously are two-faced, and they’re wearing the ugly one.

I think it goes a lot deeper than that. Obama is a dyed-in-the-wool, radical, extremist, with very little regard for his life or those who’s his decisions might affect. The greatest good for the greatest number is the philosophy that’s pulling the wagon of the Democrat Party and Obama is this herd’s drover. Chuck Shummer has told us that traditional values are dead in this country. Our traditional values are well defined in the Declaration Of Independence.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

Most of my personal values are derived from these unalienable Rights. I expect others to respect my Rights as I respect theirs. Unfortunately, while Shummer may not be entirely correct, this seems to be the one exception the insane left-wing is will to make for the death penalty.

When we have a President who’s sole goal is to overthrow of our Republic and replace it with a socialist state, then you know he cares little for his own political ambitions and well being or the well being of his family. How else can you possibly explain his vision, except as that of an extreme politically ideological zealot?

To that end, I can see no difference between what drives him to destroy America, and re-make it into a soft fascist state, and the actions of those who willing strap on suicide vests to bring about a totalitarian, religious state. Both are willing to sacrifice themselves and us, for their goals. Cap and Trade will prove this and may well be the tipping point.

That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, – That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.

Read this as an uber-liberal and you will come away with a much different interpretation than our Founding Fathers intended. As if they would even bother.

I’m not suggesting that we raise-up in armed conflict with the aim of overthrowing our government. Despite what the Obama administration’s own Department of Homeland Security says, I do not advocate joining anti-government right-wing militias. We still can affect change at the grass-roots levels. Vote, participate, educate, demonstrate.

The Declaration of Independence was a result of years of government intervention into the lives of freedom loving people. I challenge each and every one of you to read this amazing document this week and ask yourselves if this current oppression is not a shadow from the past.

I haven’t queried my fellow fellow writers, but I feel pretty comfortable in saying that until such time as Fiar, Chris C, Jump-Out and myself are hauled off in the middle of the night, we will continue to poke our sharp and pointy sticks at the powers that be. All of this to keep you informed on the apparently treasonous actions of our government. Most of the time we’ll do it in a humorous manner. Sorry about today, but sometimes funny just don’t cut it.

I hope that in a small way, we add to the vital discourse that is still our right, until we allow that to be taken from us too.

With illegal NSA eavesdropping out of control over the last three months, I’d be careful what you say on your telephones or write in your emails. You showed up here, so you’re a suspect. You nasty terrorist you.

Bernie Madoff is My Hero

JumpOut — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 14:07:01 +0000

Keeping in line with my epiphany that I will now support Barack Obama, I’ve decided that Bernie Madoff is one of my personal heroes. Mr. Madoff has done this country a great service, and I am afraid he is being unfairly treated. If he is convicted, I will start a letter writing campaign to have Mr. Madoff pardoned by ~~America Czar~~ President Obama.

Are those boos I am hearing? Hear me out. I can’t imagine how you people don’t get this. Let me see if I can spell this out for you.

First, Mr. Madoff has protected some of the most vulnerable American Citizens. Like the protection offered by President Obama, those being protected probably don’t feel really protected, but I assure you they are. Bernie Madoff has most likely put all Nigerian e-mail scammers out of business. By taking money from a bunch of rich fools, he has taken away a huge chunk of Nigerian spam e-mail profits. It’s likely the Nigerian spam e-mail industry will be crashing shortly.

Second, Mr. Madoff only took money from rich people. Rich people who probably fly in jets. Now, those jet riding fat cats can’t fly in their jets as often because they can’t afford it. Mr. Madoff is saving the environment. While Barack Obama will save the environment by both taking all your money, and raising the price of fuel, Mr. Madoff has no control over the price of fuel. He did the best he could. I’m sure we’ll find out next year that global ~~warming~~ ~~cooling~~ climate change is over. It will be in no small part to Mr. Madoff’s contribution. And like Barack Obama, he knows that it doesn’t matter who you hurt, as long as you save the environment.

Lastly, Mr. Madoff accomplished something my favorite president could never accomplish. He was able to redistribute the wealth of rich people without the power of the IRS. How can you not be impressed by that. He was able to get people to choose to give him their money. That’s a conservative redistributionist right there.

As you can see, Mr. Madoff’s agenda, and President Obama’s agenda are very similar. I don’t think you can support one without supporting the other. That would be dishonest. Since I have recently started supporting Mr. Obama, I will now be supporting Mr. Madoff as well. They have both served their country admirably. They should be rewarded equally.

If you liked this post, JumpOut will be writing more posts about crime and criminals at his law enforcement humor blog, You Should Be Tasered

My Perspective on Obama after Inauguration

JumpOut — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 15:16:03 +0000

JumpOut offers some political editorial regarding the ~~ascension to godhood~~ inauguration to the Presidency of His Majesty and Most Blessed One, Barack Obama. There is plenty of strong language, so if that is a problem, I highly recommend the latest edition of Lolterizt at imao.us. Otherwise, read and enjoy.

Being the powerful and influential conservative humor and satire site that we are, I think we are required by law to talk about Barack Obama’s inauguration today. I am going to present you with some thought provoking observations and keen insight on Barack Obama, his inauguration and the direction in which this nation is headed.

Much was made of the exorbitant cost of Obama’s inauguration ceremonies. Yes, in this time of economic uncertainty, absolutely retarded bailouts, and all the terrorist killin’ going on out there, $150,000,000 seems a tad much. Yes, it’s true George W. Bush was lambasted for spending a third of that on his inauguration. See, this is the way I feel about it: I don’t give a f^^k.

So, yesterday was supposed to be an historic event. Obama is the first not completely white President. I’m sure race relations today are better than they were two days ago. Some people feel like Obama is such a transcendent figure that all the world’s ills will be cured today. Then there are others that feel he is just a politician. A politician like any other that will sell out his base for his own sake. He made a bloviating speech about the economy, the historic nature of his presidency, and his plans for the future. My position on it is this: I don’t give a f^^k.

Now, President Obama will start the difficult task of steering the country through these economic hardships. He’s about to start trying to hand out billions of dollars to CEOs, Bankers, unions, and some of his closest friends. He’s going to try to get as many people as possible employed by the government. You know what I say? I don’t give a f^^k.

We are now left with the country being led by the most Liberal President in history. The media is shivering from the tingling feelings running up their legs. All is right in the international community, and every other country should be respecting us more any minute now. The terrorists will all lay down their explosive vests and world peace will be breaking out soon, I’m sure, but you know what? I don’t give a f^^k.

If you don’t give a f^^k about this either, you may give a f^^k about JumpOut’s Law Enforcement Humor blog, You Should Be Tasered.

Got MLK? James Earl Ray Did

Les James — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 15:26:10 +0000

Caution: The following post contains mean spirited sarcasm and black humor. Liberals should not attempt to read this without the help of a trained, conservative guide, restraints and amble medication. Side effects may include, nausea, vomiting, uncontrolled anal discharge, bleeding from the eyes and ears, increased inter-cranial pressure, screaming fits of rage, lacerations caused from broken keyboards and monitors, spotty hair loss, genital warts, and very rarely, a chuckle.

I Wish I Could Have Met You

Today is Martin Luther King Day or as a good friend and pastor likes to call him, Martin Lucifer King. Oh, was that politically incorrect? Try this. Go back and you’ll see he was just another bleeding heart, liberal that got in the way of a speeding mass of lead.

Still, his death sure opened the doors for his family didn’t it? Funny how that works. JFK buys it, and now his daughter thinks her Senate seat is paid for.

Rumor has it, that Caroline K and MLK the third are going to record a duet. They’ll be covering Filter’s Hey Man, Nice Shot. All of the profits will go to their bank accounts favorite charities.

Those crazy kids.

The Rule of Three Initials

RFK murdered. JFK murdered. MLK murdered. W only used his middle initial. Nobody knows who GWB is, so by the Rule of Three Initials, he was pretty safe.

However, not all of the one or two initial Presidents are immune from close calls with sudden on-set heavy metal poisoning syndrome.

Squeaky Fromme tried to off Ford -so ineffectual a President, he managed not to screw-up the country any further, that he should be considered a Republican hero. And then there’s John Hinckley Jr. His poor marksmanship is cause enough for a statue in the far-left hall of fame. By missing Regan, he was instrumental in getting the Brady Bill passed. Thanks, John.

No wonder Barack Hussein Obama doesn’t want his middle name mentioned. LBJ and FDR dodged that bullet but why take chances. Besides, what psycho’s going to want to be remembered as the guy who got rid of BO? Unless you’re a deodorant company exec.

Now I’m not saying that profit is bad. Far from it. A lot of individuals and organizations have made a tidy sum on the deaths of influential people. Elvis, like a lot of other musicians and artists, are worth more now dead than when they were alive. Why not score on that? The Catholic Church -as well as many other sects- have made major bank on the backs of their dead religious figures. Some have even opened banks.

Who am I to begrudge them a little pocket change? They’re doing God’s work, right?

A Day by Any Other Name…

MKL Day, huh? Fine, he gets a day. Lincoln and Washington -arguably far more important in our country’s history- have to share one. Even Jesus only gets one day. Why do we give Martin a whole day to himself? Because we needed another holiday? I don’t thing so. Still, don’t try to get anything done with all major institutions closed and the kids underfoot.

In celebration speeches across the nation, Obama -who already thinks he’s Lincoln- will undoubtedly be touted today as the new King. With his coronation tomorrow, I’m sure he’ll even draw a parallel or two himself. Don’t get me wrong, I think we should celebrate this man’s life but not for the reasons most liberals would like to consider.

Some will try to tell you we commemorate this day because he was a nice, black guy who just wanted us all to get along. [Rodney King (no relation) wasn't very original was he?] Then again, you might believe Martin Luther King died trying to right civil wrongs. Fine you can look at it that way if you’d like. As I mentioned earlier, I have a different take.

I’m going to celebrate his life (and subsequent death) in a manner that will have secularist holding their heads and wailing “Noooo!” For I believe today was intended to be a celebration for a Holy Man of God, who was struck down for his religious beliefs. That’s right, you followers of Radical Islam, today our government shut down the nation to honor a Christian martyr.

Stuff that in your jihadist hookah and choke on it.

And you that thought I was politically incorrect.

More Les James humor can be found at Sideshow Mirrors.