By Flowers Bloom

Recently, I was lurking IMAO in order to make sure that their plans for launching nuclear strikes don’t involve anything more local than the moon. I’m quite certain that the insidious mind of Frank J has some half-witted and half-baked plan to do something evil.

While I was there I discovered this little fact about Fred Thompson, whom it seems, has a loyal fan base amongst the Republifascist contingent.

Fred Thompson gets three scoops of raisins in every box of Kellogg’s Raisin Bran.

While this may seem insignificant and innocuous on it’s surface, it is clear that it is a portent of the malignant machinations to come if, Gaia forbid, Fred Thompson were ever to make it to the White House.

I’m sure that the Neo-Nazi Nincompoops of the Far Right won’t follow the logic, so I shall explain in full detail. I shall attempt to use small words, diverging from my natural tendency towards my voluminous vocabulary, for the benefit of the Red-Staters, Rednecks, and Republicrooks.

Fred Thompson is getting preferential treatment – That means special favors – From the Kellogg’s company. That’s bad enough on it’s own, but that merely scratches the surface. Kellogg’s is part of a company called KBR. KBR used to be called Kellogg Brown and Root.

That’s not all. KBR is Halliburton – Yes, that Halliburton. The same company that profits from our barely literate bloodthirsty babykillers murdering brides and bridesmaids at weddings in Iraq, is giving special favors to Fred Thompson.

Halliburton!

This can only lead me to one ominous conclusion. Allow me to show you the “math.” Fred Thompson = Halliburton = Dick Cheney = Bush = Hitler. We can simplifiy this equation, again, for the benefit of the Republitards out there – since all values are equal → Fred Thompson = Hitler.

I think you Chicken-Cons might want to re-evaluate your support for Fred Thompson. Then again – Jack-Booted Fascists that you are – I think perhaps it’s a perfect fit.

Humor-Blogs.com steals the raisins from Raisin Bran to give them to Fred Thompson. If that bothers you as much as it bothers me, then you should Subscribe to Radioactive Liberty.

Related: Flowers and Hugs
Saving the World with Puppies and Kittens
Promoting Free Speech
Global Warming and Narnia
How You Can Help Save the Planet

By now you are perhaps pondering, “what has happened to Radioactive Liberty?” Hopefully you have read Flowers and Hugs as well, and if you have not, please do so in a prompt fashion. I am Flowers Bloom, and it would seem that FIAR has handed off the domain to me. He muttered something in a virtually incoherent drunken stupor about how, “If Fmragtops won’t blog, then nobody can!”

Rest assured that it sounded no less unintelligible to me than it does to you. What influence does the blogging or non-blogging status of one individual bear upon the remainder of us? Nothing, from what I can discern, but if FIAR wants to retire from blogging, that is his prerogative.

In the future, I hope to focus on the impending environmental holocaust, and just what steps we can take, and must take, in order to avert disaster. If there is even the most remote potential that we can avoid the looming global extinction, then it is something we must do, no matter how drastic.

I look forward to engaging in lively discourse with the readership that FIAR has built. It is imperative that we share our ideals with non like-minded individuals, as well as with like-minded progressives.

Related: Flowers and Hugs
Promoting Free Speech
Bloodthirsty Babykillers Slander Patriotic Americans
Global Warming and Narnia
How You Can Help Save the Planet

By Flowers Bloom

Hi, I’m Flowers Bloom. I don’t understand why people want to fight with each other all the time. If we would all just give each other flowers, we could all be so much happier. Flowers are pretty, and they smell nice. That’s what we need, more flowers, and hugs. If we all just gave flowers and hugs, we wouldn’t have to fight in wars. “Hugs, not guns.” That’s what I always say.

Don’t you think that Osama bin Laden would want to be nice to us if we just had responded to him by giving him flowers and hugs? He would think we are so nice, and he would probably apologize for being mean to us.

We also shouldn’t use inflammatory words like “terrorist” and “attacked.” President Bush says that “terrorists attacked” us on September 11th. How would you feel if the President called you a terrorist, and said that you attacked his country? I would feel angry and upset if that happened.

Now what if the President had said, “I understand that you don’t feel good about how America pushes its way of life on everyone. Here are some flowers, and a hug. I’m sorry. We should try harder to get along.”

That’s not what happened though. President Bush continued the cycle of violence by invading other countries. War only makes people dead, but hugs make people feel good. You see how easy that is to figure out?

What about the golden rule? Doesn’t anyone remember that? “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Do Americans want people from other countries invading them and getting rid of the American government? I don’t. I doubt other Americans do either. So why are we doing that to the people of other countries. We should be nice to them instead, and they will be nice to us in return.

We should also have more bunnies. Bunnies are cute and soft and cuddly. Even a Mr. Tough Guy type gets all like, “Oh look at the cute little bunny. Fuzzy, soft wittle bunny wabbit. You so cute.” So how angry could Zarqawi or bin Laden be if we gave them bunnies? We could all just live in peace and harmony if we had more flowers, hugs and bunnies… And puppies and kittens too. They’re good for making people feel good too.

Let’s all give flowers, hugs, bunnies, kittens, and puppies, so we can have happiness and world peace. Think about it. You can’t hug your children with nuclear arms.

Related: Saving the World with Puppies and Kittens
Promoting Free Speech
Bloodthirsty Babykillers Slander Patriotic Americans
Global Warming and Narnia
How You Can Help Save the Planet

By Flowers Bloom

William M. Arkin writes a column on how The Troops Also Need to Support the American People in response to a report that the Troops do not support the very people who pay their salaries.

I would like to point out that I wholly support Americans exercising their First Amendment rights, even if the person doing so is a bloodthirsty mercenary in the military. I realize these young men and women are subjected to rigorous indoctrination by the Military Industrial Complex, and are also not very educated, so I am willing to tolerate it to some extent when Jack Booted thugs realize the error of their youthful ways and join the Anti-War campaign after their deployment, but this is just beyond the pale in it’s utter contempt for the rights of hardworking Americans who oppose Bush’s illegal war.

First up was 21 year old junior enlisted man Tyler Johnson, whom Engel said was frustrated about war skepticism and thinks that critics “should come over and see what it’s like firsthand before criticizing.”

“You may support or say we support the troops, but, so you’re not supporting what they do, what they’re here sweating for, what we bleed for, what we die for. It just don’t make sense to me,” Johnson said.

Next up was Staff Sergeant Manuel Sahagun, who is on his second tour in Iraq. He complained that “one thing I don’t like is when people back home say they support the troops, but they don’t support the war. If they’re going to support us, support us all the way.”

Next was Specialist Peter Manna: “If they don’t think we’re doing a good job, everything that we’ve done here is all in vain,” he said.

I find it to be a shocking and demoralizing “coincidence” that these uneducated, nearly illiterate young men have been so isolated from the sophistication and civility of American Universities that they don’t even realize that they are acting purely as tools of Chickenhawks that “Support the War” but are too cowardly to fight it, even up to and including reiterating the talking points of said Chickenhawk cowards.

I support the troops. I love the Military. I love the military when they airlift food and much needed medicine to poor, helpless people in Uganda, and I support them when they return home and joing the Veterans against the War. I love them and support them so much that I want them to return home and accomplish the goal they set when they joined the military and attend a University, subsidized by their tour of duty, and become the respectable, civil, and educated members of society that they had originally set out to be.

We pay their salaries, and this is how they repay us. We protest so that they can come home and get an education, and they treat us this way? When we indulge them in their terrible behaviors. We look the other way when the reopen the rape rooms under new management. We turn a blind eye when they burn mosques that are doing nothing more than holding multiple wedding ceremonies. We let it slide when they torture innocent civilians at Abu Ghraib and when they Murder soccer playing children in Haditha. I would expect a little gratitude.

Arkin says, “America needs to ponder what it is we really owe those in uniform.” I couldn’t agree more.

*You can’t hug your children with nuclear arms*

(H/t TAIR)
see also, Captain’s Quarters

UPDATE: The fascists are really coming out of the woodwork as a result of Mr. Arkin’s expose. He’s a true patriot, and intolerant Neanderthals on the right are calling him a traitor. He felt the need to respond with The Arrogant and Intolerant Speak Out. I think the point he’s trying to make is a legitimate one.

He never meant to insinuate that Baby Killers don’t have the right to free speech. It’s just disturbing when they exercise that right. After all, he’s but a mere journalist, yet they are the ones with the weaponry to shut him up… permanently. I fully understand, given the temperament and general disposition our military has for murdering innocent civilians, that he feels threatened by the response. I too would fear for my life if I were him.

It’s really quite discouraging seeing a person of such noble cause being attacked so viciously by right wing propagandists, exercising their courage.com behind the anonymity of a keyboard. Why don’t they exercise some real courage and enlist so that we can point out that their opinion is nothing but propaganda, and an attempt to stifle free speech? Can another Kent State be far behind?

Related: Saving the World with Puppies and Kittens
Flowers and Hugs
Promoting Free Speech
Global Warming and Narnia
How You Can Help Save the Planet

By Flowers Bloom

FIAR is otherwise engaged today, so I will be providing you with your weekly debate. I really do not comprehend the logic behind stating that visitor’s comments will lead to a Republican victory on election day. I don’t see the correlation between comments on a weblog and actual votes, but it does cause me to feel concerned by the level of hostility during this election season.

If you are unfamiliar with the rules, you can find them by perusing the blockquoted section of this posting. I do find it unusual that there need be mention of death threats.

Can’t we all just get along?

By Flowers Bloom

I just finished watching the movie The Chronicles of Narnia, and I am appalled at the damage done by so few humans. It’s shocking to see the devastating effect that just four children bring to the world.

We have over six billion people inhabiting our Earth Mother, and it is no wonder that Gaia is rebelling with floods, hurricanes, tsunamis, and other natural disasters at her disposal.

First we see Lucy enter Narnia, and meet a charming faun named Mr. Tumnus. He plays beautiful music for her, unaware of the threat that she and her siblings pose to his beautiful land. Then her brother meets with the Queen and very greedily demands tasty treats from her. In spite of his crude manner, she complies with his wishes.

Finally, all four Pevensie children make their way to Narnia. We see a wintery paradise transformed into a sub-tropical wasteland at an astonishing rate. I could not beleive the speed with which global warming occured just based on the mere presence of 4 children.

Imagine what sort of damage would be done by billions of humans, and their gas guzzling SUVs. I’m sure that global warming would render Narnia uninhabitable in just days.

Even still, people refuse to acknowledge the very real threat of global warming. In just a short time the rivers and lakes began to melt. Within days, there was no more snow or ice at all. Plants sprouted, and flowers bloomed, which all seems wonderful and pretty to those of us who are used to such things, but the inhabitants of Narnia must have felt very frightened by the sudden warming trend.

The children invade this foreign land, and depose it’s rightful ruler. What makes them so arrogant as to think that the people of Narnia do not like the way that they live? They look at this different and strange land, and decide that they can make it better. What makes them the judge of what is better?

I find it all very apalling, even as we struggle with our own debate about the effects of global warming. Perhaps, Remulak MoxArgon should take heed. If supposedly “innocent” children can wreak such havok, how can he possibly think he stands a chance against billions of Earth Mother raping humans?

I think that perhaps the most frightening thing of all was that after laying waste to the now desolate Narnia, the children go back through the wardrobe, and return to the very moment at which they had initially entered.

Do they think to consider the unmitigated disaster they have left behind in the once frozen and beautiful Narnia? Most likely not. The movie doesn’t address this serious issue. It’s typical of human nature to leave behind the mess, and take no personal responsibility.

But what of the creatures of Narnia? They are left to fend for themselves, their land transformed, and their ruler deposed. Do the Pevensies care about them? Do you?

Related: Saving the World with Puppies and Kittens
Flowers and Hugs
Promoting Free Speech
Bloodthirsty Babykillers Slander Patriotic Americans
How You Can Help Save the Planet
More Satire.

By Flowers Bloom

Jack, I don’t understand why you are so intent upon being so extraordinarily violent. You’re always yelling, pointing and shooting guns, blowing things up, and slitting people’s throats. Don’t you understand that things can usually be settled in a civil and rational way?

Have you ever obtained a lead, and said, “I know we have our disagreements, but I think we can talk things over and come to a mutual understanding? Have you ever asked what the other person’s needs are, or how they feel?

No. You just scream and yell at them, and demand that they give you what you want. You have to give respect to get respect, Jack. I know I am much more willing to help out my fellow humans when they are considerate of my needs as well.

It seems ineffective to go threatening everyone with harm if they don’t comply and give you what you want. Much like a greedy child that demands “Gimme, gimme, gimme,” and then threatening to hit the other person if she/he does not comply. I wouldn’t tolerate such behavior in my children, and I would most certainly expect better of our nations federal agents.

Your behavior appalls me, Jack. In the future, I would like to see an effort to achieve a greater level of understanding and compassion from you. Perhaps the next time you find someone who may have information that you need you will think about my advice. Maybe, instead of waving your gun around maniacally, you will say, “Let’s not fight. Give me a hug.” Never underestimate the power of hugs, Jack.

Hugs not Guns

By Flowers Bloom

Start of speech: Buzz word “Democracy.” No mention of the new democracy of Hamas.

9:24 Oh yes, let’s not forget the troops. No mention of Abu Grahib though.

9:29 Hamas, work for lasting peace. Heh. Yup they’re reflecting their own citizens with their “democracy.”

WMDs in Iran! WMDs in Iran. Hmm… I’m not falling for that again.

New buzz word: Compassion. Just like Abu Grahib, right.

9:35 Reauthorize Patriot act. Just say what you mean. Big Brother is here. Oh here we go, Justifying domestic spying as the “Terrorist surveillance Act.” Like there’s any danger of being hit again. We all know 9/11 was an inside job.

More buzz words: bipartisan, support those who defend us, freedom, blah blah blah. Still no mention of Abu Ghraib.

9:38 Changes the subject to the economy. He must know he was tanking on the War stuff. Deflect and spin. That’s how it works. Heh, “economic retreat,” “stagnant economy.” Is he talking about Bushonomics?

“Make the tax cuts permanent.” Oh your cronies at Halliburton would like that.

AHA! Gotcha! Cutting programs. He just said he’s going to cut programs.

Line item veto. Sure, then you could strike down the parts that are inconvenient to imposing your theocratic fascism.

9:44 Save social security? Right. Just like the slash and burn of programs you already said you would do.

More Buzzwords: Bipartisan again.

9:46 Changing the subject again. Now it’s guest workers. He failed in Iraq, and tanked the economy, so one more time it’s deflect and spin. Change the subject.

Portable health care. Yeah, not having health care is pretty portable, huh? Medical liability reform.

“America is addicted to oil.” Advanced Energy Initiative. There you go. Nucular energy. That was what you really meant. New technologies like Ethanol etc. What would Halliburton think of moving away from oil? What about his cronies in the Saud family? I’m sure they don’t want to let that happen.

9:51 He just can’t stay on topic. once more, deflect and spin. Education and technology now. Nanotechnology. How many times did he have to practice that word? POW! No child left behind. I knew it was coming. One more miserable failure for the chimp in charge.

Buzzword: Compassionate again. Linking crime and abortion, just like Bill Bennet. Why don’t you just say “black people are bad and make crime, so let’s just abort them?” That’s what you mean.

9:55 Changing the subject to “activist judges.” Everytime he starts to lose momentum he changes the subject. He’s so stupid. He can’t stay on topic.

9:58 Another change of subject. No cloning, no stem cell research, no making manimals, of other genetic hybrids. What happened to advancing science.

Buzzword: Compassion again. And another change of subject. He’s flopping around like a fish. Just cant stay on topic.

10:00 Hurricane Katrina. How long will this last. He’s all “rebuilding homes,” “opportunity” blah blah.

10:01 Didn’t even stick with that for a full minute and on to AIDS/HIV. I guess you can’t spin failure enough to stay on topic very long.

Name Dropping of some actual great people.

Theocracy! “May God bless America.”

10:05 Speech over. He didn’t stay on topic very long. Subpar. No mention of Abu Ghraib. Dodged the issue.

No specifics either.

Linked on Mudville Gazette, STNDM Blog

State of the Union, President, Satire