That’s called good governing.

If Obamacare rams its way through Congress employer-based health care will defy the laws of physics or economics or something like that.

“For Americans who get their insurance through the work place-how many people are getting insurance through their jobs right now? Raise your hands.

Alright well, a lot of those folks, your employer it’s estimated would see premiums fall by as much as 3000 percent, which means they could give you a raise.”

Well why the hell didn’t he say that in the first place? This could have saved a lot of us right-wingers some valuable time. To think we could have been able to shoot our guns more often or clutch our bibles with both left and right arms.

Instead, we spent months fighting against this so-called “reform” with our Astroturfing ways.

But I guess we were wrong. According to one of the smartest Presidents ever, a person with an employer-based health care premium would, I guess not pay anything. And the employer would also get a reduction in premiums by 3000 percent. Or maybe the employee does too.

Who the hell knows but according to the Democrats this is sound logic. Maybe we should let them run other things like department stores.

With sales pitches like that who needs enemies?

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Chris Cameron is a writer and beat reporter for Radioactive Liberty. He also has his own blog about everything, Angry Seafood.

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So many of our elected civil servants (oxymoron alert) have swallowed the Far Left’s line, hook and sinker. For those of you who’ve never fished, the hook and line are an obvious part of the angling experience, but many may not know what the sinker is for. They’re lead pieces used to “sink” the hook to the bottom of a body of water. So to say our elected officials have swallowed… that is, the hook, line and sinker, means not only they’ve been caught, but also that they’re bottom feeders.

Please understand that while swallowing the hook and line causes me concern about their ability to make independent decisions (second oxymoron alert), politicians swallowing lead doesn’t bother me in the slightest. Especially if it’s traveling at a minimum of eight hundred feet per second.

Slanted Journalism at its Finest

Once again, I’ll take a very little real information, a large dose of personal opinion and several scoops of bias, and miraculously extrapolate a salient post. In other words, act just as irresponsibility as the Main Stream Media.

Somethin’s Fishy

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him prison chow. I heard Obama wants to ban sports fishing, making it a crime. I don’t know if that’s completely true, but it fits well with my preconceived notions.

We won’t be allowed fish, so we won’t eat fish. Cattle and pig farts kill polar bears. Take them off the menu. The treatment of chickens is immoral. Scratch KFC. That leaves vegetarianism, and I think I read somewhere that exclusively eating flora has a bigger carbon footprint than chowing down on bacon cheeseburgers. I’m so confused.

But seriously, would you Rather have a juicy bacon cheeseburger, or a seedy watermelon? One thing’s for sure, I don’t need a state trooper to flag me into the drive-though of my local, artery clogging fast food joint. I love going to these places, even if I have a hard time understanding the help.

For his next trick, the President wants to overhaul immigrants. I’m having my transmission overhauled. It’s not working right. Does this mean Obama wants to fix illegals so they work right? All I know is, in order to get my truck fixed, it’s going to cost a bundle.

As we segue into Obama Care (except segue means to transition without a pause, and now I’ve created one… crap)

Expensive? No way. Health Care reform will actually save money. Just think, 118 billion a year in savings! In no time at all, we’ll balance the budget, and turn that 40 Trillion in deficits and unfunded entitlements, into a surplus. I tried to figure-out how long that would take, but my calculator’s little screen wouldn’t hold all those zeros. We just have to get Obama’s John Hancock on the bill.

Rep. Louse Slaughter (D-NY) has a great idea for doing just that. Hang on. New York. Isn’t that where Charley Rangel, Eric Massa, Eliot Spitzer and David Patterson are from? Oops, got distracted. Anyway, Slaughter wants to have the House just kind of say they passed the Senate Health Care Bill without actually voting on it. Then Obama can sign it into law.

The Senate will then fix it so everyone is satisfied. After that, Pelosi says we can find out what’s in there. Of course it all grossly violates the Constitution, but what the hell, we got the health care the majority of Americans have been asking for. Happy days are here again.

How’d I do? Can I write for a major news outlet now?

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DemTools is proud to offer our limited edition, Tickle Me Massa Doll. Tickle Me Massa has been tested and approved by Barney Frank, and comes naked as a Jaybird, ready to be poked in the chest by No Towel Around His Tush Emanuel.  Massa is the life of any birthday party. He’ll grope and tickle you until you can’t breathe, or pee your pants -if you’re wearing any.

Sure to become a collectors item, Tickle Me Massa will provide you and your friends with hours of man on man on man on man on Massa enjoyment. Supplies are limited, so get yours today!

Tickle Me Massa can be found in fine fetish shops in the DC area

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It is the right thing to do after all.

Everyone keeps telling me the science is settled so it must be true. The Oracle Al Gore even said something about putting out a baby on fire. I guess that was his way of saying the planet has a fever.

It is hard to tell with his monotone delivery.

Al Gore could say he punted a puppy and ripped the wings off an angel. But  his oratory would sound so boring we might not realize just how evil he is.

Oh wait, I didn’t mean that. Well, I used to mean it but Al is my Messiah now (sorry Barack). Al knows what is best for us. The night time is the right time…

Okay where was I? Ah yes the whole settled thing. Of course it is past debate. The Himalyan glaciers are melting:

The chairman of the leading climate change watchdog was informed that claims about melting Himalayan glaciers were false before the Copenhagen summit, The Times has learnt.

Rajendra Pachauri was told that the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change assessment that the glaciers would disappear by 2035 was wrong, but he waited two months to correct it. He failed to act despite learning that the claim had been refuted by several leading glaciologists.

The IPCC’s report underpinned the proposals at Copenhagen for drastic cuts in global emissions.

See, they were right. In 25 years the glaciers will be gone, leaving massive flooding and devastation…what did you say? Re-read the article?

Oh geez they were wrong. But it is only one thing. Just one major, big-time underpinning. No problem, move along.

The IPCC report says that mountain ice is disappearing after all:

In its most recent report, it stated that observed reductions in mountain ice in the Andes, Alps and Africa was being caused by global warming, citing two papers as the source of the information.

However, it can be revealed that one of the sources quoted was a feature article published in a popular magazine for climbers which was based on anecdotal evidence from mountaineers about the changes they were witnessing on the mountainsides around them.

The other was a dissertation written by a geography student, studying for the equivalent of a master’s degree, at the University of Berne in Switzerland that quoted interviews with mountain guides in the Alps.

The loss of mountain ice will devastate the planet as we know it…what? I misread that one too?

Crap, they based their assertion on a college student’s dissertation.

Okay fine that is two lies. Just two underpinnings.

The IPCC report also said that rainforests would disappear because of global warming:

In the Fourth Assessment Report (AR4), issued in 2007 by the U.N.’s Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC), scientists wrote that 40 percent of the Amazon rainforest in South America was endangered by global warming.

But that assertion was discredited this week when it emerged that the findings were based on numbers from a study by the World Wildlife Federation that had nothing to do with the issue of global warming — and that was written by a freelance journalist and green activist.

Finally some facts. We can’t lose the rain forests or the Earth will be plunged into darkness…oh come on! Don’t tell me I misread another one.

What the hell! Three underpinnings that were wrong. Three lies.

Still, this global warming thing has to be real. It has to. The science is settled. It’s seeeettttlllledddd!

Okay I’m going to prove it once and for all by bringing in one of the lead scientists of the IPCC, Phil Jones. He has settled the science:

B – Do you agree that from 1995 to the present there has been no statistically-significant global warming

Yes, but only just. I also calculated the trend for the period 1995 to 2009. This trend (0.12C per decade) is positive, but not significant at the 95% significance level. The positive trend is quite close to the significance level. Achieving statistical significance in scientific terms is much more likely for longer periods, and much less likely for shorter periods.

C – Do you agree that from January 2002 to the present there has been statistically significant global cooling?

No. This period is even shorter than 1995-2009. The trend this time is negative (-0.12C per decade), but this trend is not statistically significant.

Finally this issue is resolved…what? Wait a minute, don’t tell me. Son of a beeyotch I see the problem with Jones’ reasoning.

A warming trend of 0.12C is “quite close to the significance level” but a cooling trend of the same exact amount is “not statistically significant”.

Sigh.

That’s four lies.

I guess I have no other choice as a believer in man-made Global Warming then to enact the nuclear option. Pass me a glass…

[H/T to Gateway Pundit for the compilation of all the links I used above.]

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Chris Cameron is a writer for Radioactive Liberty and also for his own blog about everything, Angry Seafood.

Wanted: Rouser seeks Rabble. Radical Right-Wing Instigator looking for like-minded Tea-Baggers, Timothy McVeigh wannabes, and Mob Mentality Nazi sign holders to overthrow current Democrat Congress in 2010 elections, by backing Conservative Candidates. Moderates need not respond.

Les at comments, Radioactive Liberty

Here we go again. FIAR has tried everything in his considerable power to fix the comment issue. Funny how it’s only me. I smell a conspiracy. A big, fat, we’ve been hacked by black helicopter pilots, conspiracy.  No, not black pilots, black helicopters. We’ll keep trying.

New Bill of Rights (Supersedes the Old Bill of Rights. They were kind of dusty and inflexible.)

You have the Right to Remain Silent. If you give up that Right and exercise Free Speech, you can and will be taxed on a progressive scale.

You have the Right to Keep and Bear Arms. If you can’t afford a firearm, one will be provided to you. Low Income Minorities can obtain loaded Saturday Night Specials at One Stop locations where they currently receive welfare checks, free legal aid, no cost abortions, voter registration, clean needles and food stamps. Repealed by Executive Order 16237

You have the Right to Health Care. If you chose not to exercise that Right, you will be subject to fines and imprisonment. While in prison, you will be forced to use better Health Care than available to the general public.

You have the Right to Life. If you are a Fetus, Elderly, or a Burden on Society, you are exempt from this Right.

You have the Right to Liberty. If you… Never mind, you already gave up that Right.

You have a Right to Pursue Happiness. If you are not happy, you will be prescribed medication to ensure your Happiness.

Do you understand these Rights as President Obama wrote them?

The New Bill of Rights are wholly owned by Obama Red Inc, and are subject to change without notice. No guarantee of actual rights are expressed or implied.

Stupid Question of the Day: Miranda Rights

“You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you. Do you understand these rights as they have been read to you?”

Stupid Question: If I’m arrested, don’t remain silent, and then charges are dropped (because of course, I was innocent), have my Miranda Rights been violated, since they didn’t use what I said “against” me “in a court of law”? 

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Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Gratefully, I was an Army Recruiter before that inane rule came out. After 1993, recruiters could still disqualify guys if they were commies, but not if they looked for magazines under their mother’s side of the bed. Thanks, Bill.

I’ve been retired for ten years, but I can’t imagine opinions have change much concerning Pole Smokers in uniform. This politically correct and insightful post will focus on those kind, as we men really don’t care if a few of the opposite sex prefers some tacky little pamphlet in their daddy’s bottom drawer. It’s well known, most red-blooded American males secretly lust for some dirty love with a pair of lesbians.

“I’ve been licking this carpet for 3 hours and I still don’t feel like a Lesbian!”   Eric Cartman

Men are dogs… sometimes poodles. I’ll be the first to admit it. It’s true. We hetro guys fantasize a lot about inserting our Tab A’s into a female’s (or six) Slot B’s. That’s just the way we roll.

Those homo guys on the other hand, think a lot about sticking their Tab A’s into our Slot C’s. Not cool.

This is one reason the Greatest Fighting Force in the World doesn’t need flamers, burning down the door as they burst out of their closets, -or in this case, wall lockers- before flitting out to prance around the parade field.

Jeff Foxworthy said, “I’d like a beer and I’d like to see something naked.” I’m 100% certain Jeff was talking about women. That pretty much sums up most dudes, but not all.  President Obama wants the Department of Defense to slide butt pirates into that statement. That’s something I’d pay good money NOT to see.

Don’t try to tell me that they’re only interested in other gay guys. I call bullshit on that notion. If that’s true, the Armed Forces should also allow married males to group shower with married females. After all, they aren’t interested in those women, right?

Seriously, the last thing I’d want -if I was still on active duty- is to have to shower with a guy who was checking out my military member. The essence of this is, human nature is human nature, no matter how unnatural and sickening it may be.

Still, if you want to serve your country and you’re some kind of deviated pervert, do everyone a favor and keep it to yourself. Don’t dick with the good order and discipline of the U.S. Military by attempting to co-mingle your nasty twisted, with their straight, precious bodily fluids.

Come on, really… what makes anyone think that telling a heroic group of young, testosterone laden warriors they should serve with guys who openly admit to wet dreaming about them, is going to have a positive outcome?

Here’s a thought for our wonderful men in the Armed Forces, if Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell does get rescinded, don’t punch them in the face. Instead, every time some Puss in Boots looks at you wrong, pats you on the back, or makes any kind of statement that you could even remotely take as an innuendo, make it known you’re uncomfortable, and believe you’ve been sexual harassed. They want all the same rights and privileges. Give ‘em to ‘em.

I’d like hear your thoughts on this subject. I’d especially like to hear from women. Ladies please let me know what you think about Lesbos in Camos. That, and are you and a girlfriend into three-ways?

I’m only ah, joking about the three-ways thing. Yeah, that’s it. Really. Please don’t tell my wife. I’m kind of attached to my… er… you know.

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But wait! There’s more. Order your congressman or Senator to vote for this bill in the next ten minutes and we will throw in, absolutely free, this Obama commemorative coin.

You can go, go, go, in your Hoveround and it won’t cost you a penny, and neither will the Obama Trillion Dollar Health Care Plan.

Just to make sure that you will be able to live the last 20 or 30 years of your life as a drain on society, we’re even going to make sure that your Social Security benefits are safe. In the unforeseen case that the Trillion Dollar Health Care Plan may cost a dollar or two more than we project, you can have the peace of mind in knowing that your Social Security Check is in the mail.

The trillion dollar health care plan slices! It dices! You can even cut a tin can with it. And if you accidentally cut your finger off in the process, it can be surgically reattached without costing the taxpayers a dime. The Obama Health care bill will cost enough money to fill a warehouse, but if you act now, you can recieve this special offer absolutely free!

That’s Not All! You can eat all you want and never gain a pound! Get all the prescription drugs you want and it won’t ever cost anyone anything. That’s right. It costs nothing! We make this satisfaction guarantee that this one of a kind trillion dollar spending bill will have no effect on the deficit. It won’t add a single penny. If your not completely satisfied in the first 90 days, You’re still stuck with it anyway. All Trillion Dollar health care plans are non-returnable, so they’re completely safe for the environment.

Call your Congressman today!

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In case you didn’t know, the Winter Olympics are going on, even as you read this. (Unless you’re reading this some time after the Olympics are over, then…) I prefer to watch the Winter versions over the Summer ones. This is my own personal bias. Call it prejudice if you like.

Some might say it’s because I’m a White, Racist, Sexist, Homophobic Conservative, and very few Winter Olympians are Black. Some of them are Asian, but very few are Hispanic. A bunch are women, and a few are gay. Well, I’d like to explore this a little deeper, by using five recent American medalists as examples.

Shaun White is White. He’s also a longhair. I like Shaun, despite his hair. But of course I would. After all, he’s a Rich White Guy.

Lindsey Vonn is White, but she’s also a female, a hot female. Did you see her Sports Illustrated bikini layout? Of course I’m going to like her too.

Apolo Ohno may not have won any gold medals… yet, but he is Asian. Us White folks don’t have problems with Asians, as a rule. We really like their food, but chopsticks may be taking things too far.

Evan Lysacek is also White.  Now I don’t know anything about his private life, but his choice of costume designers have me shaking my head. The last couple of years he’s had his stretchy pants and girlie blouses designed by Vera Wang. “Who are you wearing?” “Oh, I’m wearing Wang.” Enough said.

Then there’s Shani Davis. Oh, no! He’s Black! It’s okay though; he’s a clean, articulate Black man with no Negro dialect. I guess we have to have a token, just like South Park.

This is how the Vast Left Wing Conspiracy would have you believe that I think. What a bunch of fucking retards.

I like the Winter Olympics because America dominates them, and our fabulous athletes are some of the nicest people you’d ever want to meet. They have no problems stomping on the competition in the morning, and then taking them out for a friendly beer that afternoon.

How do I know this? I live in Central Oregon, where we’ve got elite winter athletes on ever corner. And no, they aren’t holding signs, looking for handouts.

I’ve met a lot of them and worked with a few. These people are dedicated, hard working, honest, none-steroid taking individuals. Emphasis on individuals. I’d go so far as to say they are small business entrepreneurs.

I haven’t meet a one that didn’t want to make a living off of the years of labor and sacrifice they’ve dedicated to their sport. A few have. Some have made a butt-load of money. Good for them. They are the American Dream.

Democrats would have you believe that Shaun White is evil. He must be. With all his endorsements and other business deals, he’s rich! Not Al Gore rich, but still way over 250K a year rich. Some estimates are into the millions.

According to the Dems, his kind are not an example of what’s right with America, he’s what’s wrong; too much wealth in the hands of too few. Democrats are Communist.

Speaking of communist, there’s those figure skaters, with all those sequins and lacy, see-through costumes. And then we have the females… It’s like I’ve taken a trip to San Francisco.

Maybe you can guess, I’m not a big figure skating fan. Aside from the limp-wristed aspects, it’s the fact that those Pinkos have ruled the sport for years. The Chinese couple, Ying and Yang -or whatever their names are- won the gold. Fine, they’re good, really good, but still commies.

The Russians are going to do well too. What? Russians aren’t communist? Come on, did you really think they woke-up one day, found their empire had collapsed, and suddenly turned into Capitalist? With the ex-head of the KGB and his puppet running Russia, they’re still Red.

If I had my way, I’d get rid of figure skating and put in figure-eight, short track racing. Now that’s entertainment.

Americans love winners. We all want to be one. Most Americans would like to have enough money to never have to worry about it again. The vast majority celebrates those who have worked hard and earn an honest living.

Most of our elected officials don’t want you to have these things. They don’t like honest winners. This is why President Obama, and the Democrat Congress, are on their way out.

Next time you see one of these dishonest, lying bastards commenting on how proud they are of our Olympic athletes, try not to throw anything at your TV, or you’ll miss seeing Real Americans at work. It may be the last time. Four years from now there won’t be any snow.

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Democrats Keep Dropping Like Flies

The Democrats are working overtime to spin the retirement of Evan Bayh as a win for Liberalism. They’re just not ready to kiss their asses goodbye yet. Bayh is being depicted as one of

“a growing line of pragmatic, find-a-way politicians who are abandoning Washington.”

In some cases he is even being depicted as a conservative, even though he was a through and through, tow-the-party-line Democrat. He could be counted on to vote in lock step with the Party on legislation, but if they were to tell us that, then the story here would be that the Democrats have suffered yet another blow.

Instead, the story is that “The moderate middle is disappearing from Congress.” I’m not sure how that is even a story. All you get from Moderates is useless conciliation that gives us watered down compromises that result in everyone being dissatisfied with the result.

The mantra of the day is “Gridlock.” When Republican legislation is blocked by filibuster, or whatever, it is a Glorious Day. The country is saved, but when the Democrat agenda is foiled, even with the majority in both houses of Congress, it is “gridlock” and if we don’t find a way to ram The New New Stimulus Pork Bill through to passage the country just might not survive, what with the initial 3 trillion dollars being of so much help and all.

Senator Arlen Specter observed that it is easier to raise money for political campaigns when you are on the “fringe” of the party, noting that,

“I have to work a lot harder than somebody who has an ideological base.”

So, to recap, it’s easier to get elected when you have actual principles to campaign on. Who woulda thunk it?

The REAL story of Bayh stepping down is the admission of the fact that government serves no measurable useful purpose. Bayh has reported that he is rejoining the private sector in order to have “Real accomplishments in a real way.” Thus proving the point that the biggest problem with politicians is that they want to be politicians, instead of contributing to society.

In related News, when Democrats don’t retire, they just die. They’re still eligible to vote, of course. First it was Ted Kennedy, and more recently John Murtha died while having gall bladder surgery. According to an AP report on Congressman John Murtha’s funeral

“U.S. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is remembering congressman John Murtha at his Pennsylvania funeral as a friend to men and women in the military.”

A friend to men and women in the military? This would, of course, be the very same John Murtha that said of the Marines involved in the Haditha case,

“There was no firefight. There was no IED that killed these innocent people. Our troops overreacted because of the pressure on them, and they killed innocent civilians in cold blood.”

The charges were ultimately dropped. With friends like Murtha, who needs enemas? Perhaps I’m just being a bitter Pennsylvanian.

King Tut Autopsy

Speaking of dead politicians, DNA testing shows that the famous Egyptian Pharaoh, King Tut, died of malaria. Mosquitoes, which carry malaria, are one of the deadliest creatures on the face of the Earth. Since the time of the hysteria over DDT instigated by Rachael Carson, millions more have died from a common and preventable disease.

Thankfully, technology may be coming to the rescue once more, albeit a few thousand years too late for King Tut. A company called Intellectual Ventures has developed a laser that targets mosquitoes. It’s like Starship Troopers on a miniature scale.

Additional conclusions from the study show King Tut also suffered from an infected broken leg and that he had many health problems due to “genetic deformations caused by the marriage of his father Akhenaten to his sister.” I never knew that Tut was from Mississippi?

That wraps up this edition of Political Humor Under Fiar. Leave words of praise and admiration in the comments section. See you in three months.

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