The climate change alarmists are gearing up for the next scare-tival this week with a round of “discussions” on Global Warming.

I would not marry a bureaucrat. It would take forever to divorce her. The “discussions” would be endless, as well as the paperwork.

Anyway, this week in Bonn, Germany a bunch of moonbats will gather to commiserate over the recent bad news about all this carbon dioxide, I mean pollution in the air:

Despite 20 years of effort, greenhouse gas emissions are going up instead of down, hitting record highs as climate negotiators gather to debate a new global warming accord.

The new report by the International Energy Agency showing high emissions from fossil fuels is one of several pieces of bad news facing delegates from about 180 countries heading to Bonn, Germany, for two weeks of talks beginning Monday.

So how much CO2 did we, the evil humans add last year? 30 gigatons, which happens to be 333,333,334 million tons. Holy crap do they realize that goes completely against the Warmists’ oft-repeated claims of 20-30 billion?

Man, imagine if they also revealed that all our exhaling, driving, bbq’ing, and other fossil fuel-using activities added a whopping .0000056% CO2* in 2010.

We added point zero zero zero zero zero fifty-six percent more CO2 to an atmosphere that clearly cannot handle this kind of dramatic swing in the amount of gases in its system.

The horrors!

We should be ashamed of ourselves for allowing such a travesty to happen. We should be feeling outrageously outrageous outrage like Fatih Birol is experiencing.

Fatih Birol, the IEA’s chief economist, says the energy trend should be “a wake-up call.”

.0000056% Fatih. Not much of a wake-up call. Is the cell phone on silent? And if the phone doesn’t ring should we assume it is the energy trend?

And just in case the “scare the crap out of voters by positioning .0000056% as significant change in CO2 concentration” meme doesn’t work the Climate Changers have a backup: “humans have been screwing up the climate for like forever man“. Whatever floats your boat.

Poor countries say the wealthy West, whose industries overloaded the atmosphere with carbon dioxide and other climate-changing gases over the last 200 years, is not doing enough to cut future pollution.

See what they did there? They took decades of CO2 “pollution” and morphed it into 200 years of planet abuse.

Humans: screwing up the atmosphere since 1811.

*333 mill of CO2 divided into the 6,000,000,000,000,000 quadrillion tons of the atmosphere is .0000056% of the total weight.

Check out Chris Cameron’s other ramblings and satire at his blog Trees Hate Hugs. A water cooler for your browser.

And it was hiding on the grassy knoll.

It was the one that was uploaded to Anthony Weiner’s Twitter feed. This explains everything and is much more plausible than the notion of a crazy liberal assassinating his political career all by himself.

So, Weiner was hacked by a prankster looking to make fun of his last name with a picture of what possibly could be his junk. Or not, he can’t be certain.

Don’t worry because he has launched an investigation. Guess who he hired?

Fresh off the case of the Alphabet Bandit (the one where they discovered the M was actually disquised as a W), Daily KOS CSI arrived on the scene and determined this was a conspiracy.

See, the user hacked Weiner’s account, posted the picture, took a screenshot, then either surrendered control to Weiner or deleted the picture himself. Then he sent the screenshot to Big Government, who posted it there.

Despite the best efforts of Daily KOS law enforcement the hacker remains at large. All Democratic Congresspersons are advised to be aware and prepared, and ready in case the hacker decides to post incriminating pictures on their twitter accounts.

He could strike at any time.

And conservatives are joining the search for the hacker at large too. Gateway Pundit is offering a $200 reward for information leading to the capture of the Weinergate Hacker. Iowahawk has put up $1,000 to bring the Weiner Hacker to justice.