Holy crap! The newspaper industry is dying a slow and agonizing death. I can’t believe this. Who would have seen this coming? Who knew that the internet, with it’s immediate access to more than enough free content to choke Linda Lovelace, would crush the newspaper industry beneath the heel of it’s merciless, digital jackboot?

Something has to be done! By that I am certainly not implying that the newspaper industry do anything to save itself. Perish the thought. No, I mean something has to be done by the government involving large infusions of taxpayer dollars to reinvigorate yet another failing, worthless industry.

Another fine course of action would be to punish the success of teh internets by forcing them to share more of their profits with the newspaper industry. After all, with the election of Barack Obama, we seek only economic justice.

The newspapers have done such a wonderful job of informing the public. Or at least they might have had people waited until the morning paper arrived to get their news instead of surfing the web until their eyes began to bleed.

Just look at how deeply they delved into Barack Obama. The way they were the first to sound the alarm when they discovered that Obama hung out with known terrorists, Marxists, and racists. Okay, so maybe they didn’t do that.

Well, at least they have the obituaries. Where else are you going to be able to find information on the latest deaths in your community? Wait, that’s on the internet too?

Damn it, you can’t wrap your fish in Google News! I’d like to see you use the internet to cover your table while you clean your guns. You would also have a hard time using your flat-screen monitor to line the bottom of your birdcage.

Awww, fuck it, let ‘em burn.

I think JumpOut may be burning more stuff at his law enforcement humor blog, You Should Be Tasered

There’s a new movement amongst self-publishers on the internet to boycott the Associated Press. High profile sites involved in this “boycott” include Techcrunch, Little Green Footballs, and the Temerity of High Maintenance.

This is nothing more than a tiny little temper tantrum that will amount to nothing of significance. I will not be boycotting the AP, and I will tell you why.

The issue here is that the Associated Press does not want bloggers using their content. In a self-deluded act of defiance, bloggers have responded by saying:

How dare you insist we don’t quote you. You know what? Screw you! I’m not going to quote you then. What do you think of that?

What sort of retarded act of defiance is it to give an organization exactly what they want? If I could come up with a more powerful word than stupid, I would most certainly use it.

You’re not boycotting anything

A boycott is when you purchase a product or service, and you decide (Usually for moral, ethical, or political reasons) not to be a patron of the business until your grievances have been redressed. Just what benefit do you think the Associated Press receives from being quoted on blogs? Nothing. You don’t pay for their content. You’re just using it for your own benefit.

The AP doesn’t want you to quote them, and you’ve responded by banging your sippy cups and engaging in some self-deluded, masturbatory circle jerk “boycott.” What you’ve really done is to give them exactly what they want. How is that defiant? It’s a childish, stupid response to being strong armed.

The Associated Press doesn’t care about you

I hate to break the fragile little hearts of all the bloggers out there lashing out in their idiotic act of defiance, but the AP doesn’t even know you exist. They might have their eyes on influential sites like TechCrunch, but you could do whatever you want and the AP won’t ever come after you.

Go ahead and fire up your Blogger account and copy and paste all the AP articles you want. You don’t even have to use attribution. Just plagiarize. The AP won’t even know you exist. They won’t give a sh*t about you.

A Real Protest

A real protest consists of saying “No! I won’t concede to your demands.” It’s not a protest to give someone exactly what they want, but just do it with an attitude. Use your heads.

If you really wanted to protest, I would suggest that you just keep doing what you are already doing. That would be the real act of defiance. But for any of you that want to participate in this moronic “boycott,” go ahead and have your little sit-in.

As for me, I will sit this one out.

Update: Here’s a good writeup on the backstory of the hyperventilating about the AP.

Will Humor-Blogs.com protest the AP?
H/T Support Your Local Gunfighter
Image: Tantrum by timblair

It’s got to be violent to make it a highlight
If we show it enough well everyone will think it’s alright
Disco’s out, murder’s in ~ Suicidal Tendencies

Do you watch the news? Why?

Every once in a while, I have the misfortune of seeing a bit of the “News.” Every time I do, I think, “It’s no wonder people think the world is coming to an end.” That’s what’s presented on the News.

It should be called the “Why everything sucks report.”

Tonight: Are you dead yet? Watch our special report and find out why you may die a violent, horrible death sooner than you think. Stay tuned for details.

But, I need to be informed.

Informed? Really? Is that what you think is happening when you watch a concentrated dose of murder, rape, arson, violent criminals on the loose, and various other reasons to live in fear?

Just how does being “informed” make you feel? Inspired? Motivated? Ready to take on the world? What? None of the above? How do you think it’s improving your life to see all the most terrible things about the world all in bite sized, easily digestible snippets?

Oh, that’s right, You’re “informed.” That’s some quality information you’ve got there. It’s really useful too. Just think about how many more things you can do now that you’re “informed.” You could:

• Spice up your marriage
• Make more money
• Get your master’s degree
• Be more organized
• Stick to that new exercise regimen
• Read faster

Wait, what’s that? The News isn’t informing you about those sorts of things? Maybe it’s time to reevaluate the benefits of being “informed” then.

Perhaps you’re better off spending that time doing something that, at the very least, puts you in a good mood. Even if it’s not helping you move towards your goals, at least it won’t be counterproductive to achieving them. Let’s face it, living in fear and dread is not a path to success.

I can see the world around me. I can drive down the street and see the destitute reality that exists in the slum there. I don’t need it thrown in my face to be aware of it. I would rather act personally to do something about it.

The world isn’t ending. It’s just that people are afraid to leave their homes and do something that will make a difference, because they’re “informed” that the world is a dangerous place, people=shit, and violent criminals lurk around every corner.

I don’t watch the news, and I am better off for it.