Holy crap! The newspaper industry is dying a slow and agonizing death. I can’t believe this. Who would have seen this coming? Who knew that the internet, with it’s immediate access to more than enough free content to choke Linda Lovelace, would crush the newspaper industry beneath the heel of it’s merciless, digital jackboot?

Something has to be done! By that I am certainly not implying that the newspaper industry do anything to save itself. Perish the thought. No, I mean something has to be done by the government involving large infusions of taxpayer dollars to reinvigorate yet another failing, worthless industry.

Another fine course of action would be to punish the success of teh internets by forcing them to share more of their profits with the newspaper industry. After all, with the election of Barack Obama, we seek only economic justice.

The newspapers have done such a wonderful job of informing the public. Or at least they might have had people waited until the morning paper arrived to get their news instead of surfing the web until their eyes began to bleed.

Just look at how deeply they delved into Barack Obama. The way they were the first to sound the alarm when they discovered that Obama hung out with known terrorists, Marxists, and racists. Okay, so maybe they didn’t do that.

Well, at least they have the obituaries. Where else are you going to be able to find information on the latest deaths in your community? Wait, that’s on the internet too?

Damn it, you can’t wrap your fish in Google News! I’d like to see you use the internet to cover your table while you clean your guns. You would also have a hard time using your flat-screen monitor to line the bottom of your birdcage.

Awww, fuck it, let ‘em burn.

I think JumpOut may be burning more stuff at his law enforcement humor blog, You Should Be Tasered

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There’s a new movement amongst self-publishers on the internet to boycott the Associated Press. High profile sites involved in this “boycott” include Techcrunch, Little Green Footballs, and the Temerity of High Maintenance.

This is nothing more than a tiny little temper tantrum that will amount to nothing of significance. I will not be boycotting the AP, and I will tell you why.

The issue here is that the Associated Press does not want bloggers using their content. In a self-deluded act of defiance, bloggers have responded by saying:

How dare you insist we don’t quote you. You know what? Screw you! I’m not going to quote you then. What do you think of that?

What sort of retarded act of defiance is it to give an organization exactly what they want? If I could come up with a more powerful word than stupid, I would most certainly use it.

You’re not boycotting anything

A boycott is when you purchase a product or service, and you decide (Usually for moral, ethical, or political reasons) not to be a patron of the business until your grievances have been redressed. Just what benefit do you think the Associated Press receives from being quoted on blogs? Nothing. You don’t pay for their content. You’re just using it for your own benefit.

The AP doesn’t want you to quote them, and you’ve responded by banging your sippy cups and engaging in some self-deluded, masturbatory circle jerk “boycott.” What you’ve really done is to give them exactly what they want. How is that defiant? It’s a childish, stupid response to being strong armed.

The Associated Press doesn’t care about you

I hate to break the fragile little hearts of all the bloggers out there lashing out in their idiotic act of defiance, but the AP doesn’t even know you exist. They might have their eyes on influential sites like TechCrunch, but you could do whatever you want and the AP won’t ever come after you.

Go ahead and fire up your Blogger account and copy and paste all the AP articles you want. You don’t even have to use attribution. Just plagiarize. The AP won’t even know you exist. They won’t give a sh*t about you.

A Real Protest

A real protest consists of saying “No! I won’t concede to your demands.” It’s not a protest to give someone exactly what they want, but just do it with an attitude. Use your heads.

If you really wanted to protest, I would suggest that you just keep doing what you are already doing. That would be the real act of defiance. But for any of you that want to participate in this moronic “boycott,” go ahead and have your little sit-in.

As for me, I will sit this one out.

Update: Here’s a good writeup on the backstory of the hyperventilating about the AP.

Will Humor-Blogs.com protest the AP?
H/T Support Your Local Gunfighter
Image: Tantrum by timblair

It’s got to be violent to make it a highlight
If we show it enough well everyone will think it’s alright
Disco’s out, murder’s in ~ Suicidal Tendencies

Do you watch the news? Why?

Every once in a while, I have the misfortune of seeing a bit of the “News.” Every time I do, I think, “It’s no wonder people think the world is coming to an end.” That’s what’s presented on the News.

It should be called the “Why everything sucks report.”

Tonight: Are you dead yet? Watch our special report and find out why you may die a violent, horrible death sooner than you think. Stay tuned for details.

But, I need to be informed.

Informed? Really? Is that what you think is happening when you watch a concentrated dose of murder, rape, arson, violent criminals on the loose, and various other reasons to live in fear?

Just how does being “informed” make you feel? Inspired? Motivated? Ready to take on the world? What? None of the above? How do you think it’s improving your life to see all the most terrible things about the world all in bite sized, easily digestible snippets?

Oh, that’s right, You’re “informed.” That’s some quality information you’ve got there. It’s really useful too. Just think about how many more things you can do now that you’re “informed.” You could:

• Spice up your marriage
• Make more money
• Get your master’s degree
• Be more organized
• Stick to that new exercise regimen
• Read faster

Wait, what’s that? The News isn’t informing you about those sorts of things? Maybe it’s time to reevaluate the benefits of being “informed” then.

Perhaps you’re better off spending that time doing something that, at the very least, puts you in a good mood. Even if it’s not helping you move towards your goals, at least it won’t be counterproductive to achieving them. Let’s face it, living in fear and dread is not a path to success.

I can see the world around me. I can drive down the street and see the destitute reality that exists in the slum there. I don’t need it thrown in my face to be aware of it. I would rather act personally to do something about it.

The world isn’t ending. It’s just that people are afraid to leave their homes and do something that will make a difference, because they’re “informed” that the world is a dangerous place, people=shit, and violent criminals lurk around every corner.

I don’t watch the news, and I am better off for it.

You probably think you know the story behind the celebration of Independence Day on July 4th.

You would be wrong.

The Declaration of Independence was an expansion on the [Richard Henry] Lee Resolution, passed on July 2, 1776. The Declaration in it’s current version was adopted on July 4 by the Second Continental Breakfast.

During the reign of King George III, aka “the Chimperor,” diplomatic relations between the American Colonies, and Great Britain began to strain. Many Colonists objected to the King’s tyrannical reign and his appointment of “culture of corruption” crooks and cronies to key positions. One of the major objections was that representatives did not truly represent the people of America because, like King George himself, they were selected, not elected.

Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Satan is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let the Facts be submitted to a candid world.

Life was hard in the colonies – and things only got worse, due to an unforeseen illegal alien problem.

Giant spaceships hovered over many of the world’s largest cities, destroying major landmarks, like the White House and the Statue of Liberty. Many called for enforcement of the current laws, and a “border fence,” which probably wouldn’t have done much good against spaceships anyway.

Instead of border enforcement, King George called for a “comprehensive immigration reform” and a “path to citizenship” for the invaders. He pointed out that it was not possible to deport the swarm of migrant workers back to their home planet, and that they were simply destroying the iconic landmarks that no American would destroy.

Although the resulting murder of millions of Americans was claimed to have been at the hands of Alien invaders, it was clear that it was an inside job. The King wanted to protect his cronies in Big Tea and Big Fur, and orchestrated the attacks to silence his critics. We know this because, even though fire has never melted steel, one city after another was destroyed in what looked like a controlled demolition.

It was most certainly not unreasonable to think so. The King had often employed mercenaries and Native Americans to cause trouble among the Colonies. In the Declaration of Independence it is written:

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages “Dirty Brown People” whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

Other grievances against the King included the mishandling of the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, tax cuts for the wealthiest 1%, and a failure to pass nationalized health care.

On July 3, 1776 John Adams wrote to his wife, Abigail:

The second day of July, 1776, will be the most memorable epoch in the history of America. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival. It ought to be commemorated as the day of deliverance, by solemn acts of devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with pomp and parade, with shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires, and illuminations, from one end of this continent to the other, from this time forward forever more.

He was right about the idea, but wrong about the date. Two hundred and… whatever years later, we still celebrate Independence Day.

Related: Bastille Day
A History of Groundhog Day
Great Moments in Hezbollah History

If you’re found this history lesson enlightening please Subscribe to Radioactive Liberty.

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… Only if you’re a sub-retarded Hollyweird writer would you think that.

With all the evidence to the contrary, like: Jayson Blair, Fauxtoshopped pictures that add in more smoke, staged fauxtos of Israeli “atrocities,” fake but accurate National Guard documents, et cetera, et cetera.

Passing through the living room the other day, some movie or TV show was on. I don’t know what it was, but it had cut-rate acting, and no doubt, an insipid and tedious plot.

How do I know that the movie sucked? It only took a few seconds of the pathetic acting and hack writing to convince me.

Woman: You’re a reporter. You’re supposed to report facts, not conjecture and innuendo. You’re supposed to be able to back up those facts with evidence and corroboration.

Reporter: Do you think I would have reported that if I didn’t have my facts straight?

Bwahahahahahahahaha!

Stop! My sides are splitting! “News” reporters report facts? The BBC says no. In fact they are apologizing for reporting factually correct information.

The BBC apologized this week for referring to Jerusalem as Israel’s capital, and promised not to repeat “the mistake,” following a complaint by four British organizations. [H/T Misha]

That’s right, the “News” actually reports accurate information for once, and they are publicly and formally retracting because Islamic Rage Boy is threating and all night CarBQ Block Party™.

I quit! I give up. I can’t parody this shit anymore when the Lunatics running the Asylum insist on making themselves look more ridiculous than I could ever hope to do.

How am I supposed to write for Humor-Blogs.com when the Reality Freebased Community keeps out doing anything I could possibly come up with?

Leaves more oxygen for the rest of us. Note to “News” organizations: Nobody gives a shit.

So let me get this right. It’s ok to kill babies as long as they aren’t born yet, especially if they have stem cells that haven’t ever been able to be used for anything but it’s not ok to kill muslim babies. These people train their children to blow people up, but they aren’t legitimate targets.

Not a legitimate target

I am on this because Vilmar, at Rightwing Howler quoted part of Frankj’s editorial on killing muslim children for the safety of the world, and CAIR got his website account suspended. (H/T) Monger Horde

As responsible parent and possible future parents, we have to make sure our children don’t have to deal with the terrorism that plagues us now. The only way to do that is to kill all the Arab kids. “If you support America and children, then you should be for murdering Arab kids.”

Many Arab kids will grow up to be terrorists who will then blow up our kids who will now be adults (but not any longer after they get blown up). If we kill the kids now, they won’t grow up and become terrorists; biologists confirm this. That’s why killing all the Arab children is a workable solution to spare our own children. What also helps with this plan is that numerous scientifical studies have confirmed that children are much easier to kill than adults since children are small and weak and don’t run fast. Thus, this plan is extremely smart. So why has it not been implemented? Because of irrational beliefs, that’s why.

I agree, and I’m not kidding.

Others blogging on this topic:

MVRWC
IMAO
Stop The ACLU
Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler
Jawa Report
Snapped Shot