?egnahC: A Vision of the Apocalypse

And then on the fourth day, teh Messiah had risen to power set to reign for four years, and he brought with him the minions and ghouls of the Underworld known as Congress. And Lo the most merciful Lord Obama sent out the Whore of the Bay whose face was stretched in hideous, and terrifying fashion. With her she carried four seals.

And when the Ghoulosi opened the first seal the Earth beheld a white horse. His rider is always right, and he was given a satirical bow and crown. He was given the power of conquering, and to conquer small, oil rich countries, and the blogosphere. He rode forth and trampled many hippies, and moonbats beneath the white horse’s jackboots.

And ye then did she open the second seal, and the earth beheld a red horse. Power was given unto it’s rider to distort the images of the web, to make them attack those that may be in them. A great sword of humor and satire was given unto him that those who did not find his work funny would laugh anyway.

When the Whore opened the third seal, there emerged a black horse. The rider carried with him a pair of balances. Ghoulosi said unto him a measure of satire for a penny, and three measures of humor for a penny. The rider replied,”You mean I get paid for this? Sweet!” to which the whore replied, “We get it all back in taxes, but take with you this Angry Seafood to unleash upon the earth.”

The fourth seal was then opened, and behold a pale horse. His rider’s name was JumpOut and humor and satire followed with him. And power was given unto them to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth. Hilarity ensued.

I’m here bitches, tremble.

Image Credit: March of the Undead by Lainmoon

When I demanded nomination from The Monger Horde™ for the 2006 Weblog Awards, I promised that I would ridicule the competition. I intend to keep this promise… for at least one day.

Now, above all else, the Weblog awards are supposed to be fun. So I intend to do my best to suck every drop of fun from it for my opposition. That’s the sort of thing that a Supreme Monger Overlord and aspiring Cruel, Deranged, Bloodthirsty Despot of the Universe does. Soon, they will all be crying for Mommy.

First of all, Joust the Facts. Joust the Facts? Has anyone ever seen the episode of Family Guy where he was a jouster in the Renaissance Fair. That’s what I’m thinking, Ren Fair geek.

Decision ’08. Now that’s just retarded. I keep thinking of Glenn Beck doing Jeopretardy and the category “08 Basement.” That’s the knuckleheads that are planning for the ’08 election before there are even serious candidacies. Yep. I just voted but I’m all geared up for an election that’s over 700 days away. Do I know how to have a good time or what? BTW, what happens to the site after the 2008 election. I guess they’ll call it ’12 Basement… uh… Decision ’12.

Hooah Wife and Friends. What’s this, the Justice League? Superman and friends? When do they hold the Hannah Barbera games? You gotta be kidding me. When do they add “Power hour” to the end of the blog title?

Well, that’s all for now. Remember you can vote once every 24 hours per computer, so keep the votes coming.

Open Trackbacks Weekend, Point Five

I’m proud to announce that there are six 2006 Weblog Awards finalists from the War for Oil blogroll, unless I missed some and there are actually more. I think this is a clear indicator of the correlation between being a successful blogger and being a member of the War for Oil. There can be no other explanation. War for Oil is the best of the best of the best. Bacon®!

War for Oil members in the running:

• Best of the Top 501 – 1000 Blogs – Radioactive Liberty
• Best New Blog – Texas Fred’s
• Best Individual Blog – Blue Star Chronicles
• Best of the Top 250 Blogs – The Median Sib
• Best of the Top 251 – 500 Blogs – Point Five
• Best of the Top 3501 – 5000 Blogs – Insolublog

Although not a War for Oil member, and in spite of being Canadian, I must also endorse the founder and CEO of PERV, People for the Ethical Rights of Vegetables, a meatitarian advocacy group. I am sure that even though she is Canadian she recognizes that Bacon® is important, and that Canadian Bacon is ham, and not Bacon®. I hereby also endorse:

• Best Canadian Blog – Samantha Burns

YOU VOTE NOW!

If you don’t, the terrorists win!