For Heath Ledger the worst thing about being dead - besides the not-living part – is that he will be forever known as the Brokeback actor. I know people are going to argue that his last role as the Joker will be the one we remember.

I would agree with you, except my mind is busy trying not to compare his final performance to Beetlejuice.

And what the hell was up with the massage therapist calling Mary Kate Olsen first? Apparently she needed advice on what to do next. I have never stumbled upon a dead body but I’m pretty sure I know the protocol.

1. Don’t touch the body except to see if they are alive.
2. Call 911.

Two easy steps.

When you are someone who felt the cold body, yet assumed Ledger was merely unconscious, would it be a too much of a reach to know what to do in that kind of emergency?

Last week:

• A dog saved a man from a fire.
• A cat dialed 911.
• Birds opened doors.

Yet a human dropped the ball.

The animals are clearly better at emergency procedures than humans, which is scary. What if they turn on us and use their advantage against us? Like in Planet of the Apes.

“C’mon Lassie, open the door so I can get out of the burning house.”
“I’m sorry Chris I can’t do that.” The dog says, ordering the parrot to clutch the doorknob thus preventing me from opening it.

Of course all I hear is barking so I have no idea the dog said that. The animals are sneaky that way.

There is no truth to the rumor that Mary Kate Olsen previously instructed the therapist to call her whenever a celebrity dies so she could get some free publicity out of it. Sure, it sounds macabre but famous people always ride the coattails of anything in the media for some attention.

Just ask Green Day. One of the many bands that used ‘Canon in D’ to create one of their most successful singles ‘Basket Case.’ It is no surprise that a group on its way out chose to hop on something familiar to go platinum.

Did Crosby Stills Nash and Young use ‘Ohio’ to create press for a world tour? Was Bob Dylan using the message of ‘Subterranean Homesick Blues’ to sell records?

In the end, Heath Ledger will be remembered for the guy who overdosed on six different meds and played a gay cowboy, while the rest of us got exposure from talking about it.

All aboard!

Chris Cameron’s other works of oddness, debauchery, and silliness can be read at Humor by Angry Seafood.

Humor-Blogs.com mourns the loss of Heath Ledger. Go there now to pay your respects.

Via the Al-Qaeda Times

MIAMI, March 26 — An accidental prescription drug overdose killed Anna Nicole Smith last month, the medical examiner who performed her autopsy said Monday.

Dr. Joshua A. Perper, the Broward County medical examiner, said he found traces of many drugs in Ms. Smith’s body, including muscle relaxants, pain relievers like methadone and several anti-anxiety medicines. Dr. Perper described her cause of death as combined drug intoxication, the primary drug being the potent sedative chloral hydrate.

What? When I posted about the Useless Twit dying I never would have guessed that it could have been an overdose. Who knew?

I am shocked! Shocked I say. Absolutely astonished.

In unrelated news, a panel of experts from the Bureaucratic Institute of Governmental Advanced Scientific Studies (BIGASS) has concluded a study and determined that water is wet.

Also, 6th graders agree, the Sun will rise in the East.

In related news, Al Gore commends Anna Nicole on her new Carbon Neutral lifestyle.

Editorial note: Did they misspell Dr. Pepper?

Bears Vs. Colts. Have at it.

On a completely unrelated note, I am in the process of nuking the hard drive on one of my computers. In a few minutes it will have a blank hard drive.

Back to football. Obviously the Bears are going to win because the Colts are gay. The Bears are gay too, but a Bear is a big burly gay guy, so obviously the big, burly gay guy wins over the gay guy that isn’t big and burly. My scientificalistical method is without any flaws. Bears will win.

Well, right off the kick. Bears FTW!111!!1

Bwahahahaha! I get to utter my favorite football phrase, Peyton Manning Chokes Again! The Bears seem to think they’re playing in some sort of championship or something. Curious.

Looks like the gay rodeo riders couldn’t rope the runner, which sets up a Bears TD. 14-6 Bears.

God Damn It! I go to a party for a few hours and somehow, when I wasn’t looking the damn Eagles Swap uniforms with the Bears. I swear, I’m watching the Eagles play the Dolts, except with Brett “Wrong Team” Favre playing as QB. 29-17 Colts.

I’m not sure where my infallible scientificalistical method went wrong, but it appears as if the Colts will win the game. I didn’t account for the Eagles playing in place of the Bears. That must be it.