Climate Change -Thanks For Nothing, Al

March 9th, 2009 by Les James · 23 Comments ·

proof-of-climate-change

I believe that we can all agree that Climate Change is happening. Growing up in Southern California, I can see how folks there could be deceived. I was. With only two seasons -summer and not summer- it could be confusing.

But now that I’ve lived in such diverse places as Texas, Louisiana, Alaska, Korea and Germany, I’ve come around, I see that it’s true. I’m now a believer in climate change.

Here in Central Oregon we get a lot of it. But with global warming accumulating and melting -almost daily now- I find that I’m at peace with my world.

How could this be? I own a four wheel drive truck, two other cars and have a wood burning stove.

It’s easy.

I’ve listened to the wise advise of Al Gore and his minions, and live in a forest. That’s right, this is the second house I’ve owned with trees. Lots and lots of trees. So that means I’ve purchased carbon offsets. I live a completely guilt free life. I’m having zero impact on CO2 levels. Why, I even have plants inside my house.

President Obama has tremendous respect for the environment- very little for human life, but a lot for the planet. He takes a Big Picture view. He’s going to lead the world into a greener future. I’m sure he picked-up a majority of this information from the Internet, which brings us back to Gore.

If Big Brother Al can live -enviro-mentally friendly- in a home the size of Versailles and fly around the world in his own private Space Shuttle -all by planting a few trees or investing his money in wind farms and such- then I’m totally in the clear with this administration.

Al Gore has shown me that being Carbon Neutral is the way to go. He has no negative impact on the amount of CO2 released into the atmosphere. But then again, he has no positive impact either. He’s neutral, which equals a big, fat zero. So hey Al, thanks for nothing!

I’d like to ask just one, little thing. Since I’m such a wonderful person for doing my part, get off my back, all of you self-righteous pricks, who live in cities and blog at Starbuck’s, complaining about how “Other People” need to do more.

I would suggest you shut your liberal college educated pie holes, before you end up on some list

Cities are the leading cause of pollution and green house gasses. Get rid of the places like LA, Las Vegas, New York and San Francisco and we go a long way toward “solving” this “crisis”. Sorry, if that means all you moonbat, bleeding hearts, hug a polar bear types got to go too. It shouldn’t be a problem since you believe in Shared Sacrifice for the Greater Good.

And if you see flaws in my reasoning, and think you’re so much smarter then me, remember, it’s the intellectuals that go first, When kom da revolution. I would suggest you shut your liberal, college educated pie holes, before you end up on a list.

But until you can grow a pair and do the right thin,g by offing yourselves, here’s three ways you can lessen you impact.

Boycott night games: Sports used to be played in the daylight. Demand that your local teams decrease their energy consumption and carbon emissions by playing while you’re at work. This will have a two-fold beneficial effect. First, think of the great, positive impact this will have by not using all those lights. And secondly, there’ll be far fewer people using their cars to get to those games. Taking it a step further, just boycott the games themselves. They’re simply a way to line the pockets of large corporations that are owned by rich, white men, and besides, they exploit minorities.

Why quit there? Boycott all products and services from all corporations. You’re already doing that for Walmart, right? I mean, why stop with just baseball, football and basketball? If it’s good enough them… Let’s face facts. Corporations are the devil and you’re righteous, and so you must shun the works of the evil one.

The third way you can help, shows the true extent of the malevolence nature of the wickedness that is CO2 poisoning. Please, I beg you, don’t purchase or consume any product containing CO2. Every time you crack a cold one, you’re destroying the polar ice caps. If you go to a BBQ that uses anything other than solar cookers and serves beverages stiffer than Kool-aide, you’re a vicious, murdering son of a bitch.

Finally, you’ll reach a point where you will understand that the very act of breathing is a violation of nature. Now you’re ready to truly be involved in Shared Sacrifice for the Common Good.

I know there has to be a lot more really well thought out suggestions on how to save the planet from Climate Change. Got a better idea or two? There’s a comment box just waiting to be filled to the brim with your wisdom. You’ll be doing your part to help assauge the guilt of the left.

Category: Political Humor Tags: Al Gore, Climate Change, Global Warming Solutions, Humour, Polical Humor, Shared Sacrifice

23 responses so far ↓

1 Elm // Mar 9, 2009 at 12:39 pm

Humans are roughly 20 percent carbon. Since we breathe in oxygen, which is the key ingredient of CO2, we are walking “Climate Change Bombs”. People who really care about the Earth should sacrifice themselves to save our planet. And the bright side is that after they die they can fertilize the rain forest. It’s a win-win.
2 Eric // Mar 9, 2009 at 2:28 pm

Just a minute! You have a wood burning stove, and THREE gas guzzling autos? No self-respecting central Oregon hippy can live with those dispicable capitalistic engrandizing symbols of decadence!! Shame on you. Oh, and good luck when that volcano blows.

Myself, I plan to be living on a sailboat, entirely powered by solar/wind, eating the fruits of Gods BLUE earth, while limiting my travels to exclusively temperate zones where I need no heat or a/c.

As for escaping CO2 when I open that chilly beer, I figure it was put in there by some corporate asshat.

(all plans, rants and dreams listed above are strictly imaginary, unless I run into some rich, hot, childless supermodel type, like Jennifer Aniston)(I only mention her because I heard she reads this blog)
3 Les James // Mar 9, 2009 at 5:02 pm

Dear Jennifer…

Eric – As I’ve mentioned before, no hippies live in these here parts. I’m in a rather rural (read redneck) part of the state. A lot of these folks don’t have teeth but the do have guns, dogs, and pick-ups. I kind of like it here. I don’t know my neighbors, they don’t know me. We wave. It’s a good arrangement.
4 Snigs // Mar 9, 2009 at 6:04 pm

Les, if you and I weren’t already married to absolutely wonderful people, I’d propose to you.
5 JumpOut // Mar 10, 2009 at 3:14 am

Wait a damn minute, snigs, didn’t you tell me the same thing a few months ago? Now I’m jealous. That’s IT! The next time I see Les, I’m kicking his ass.
6 Eric // Mar 10, 2009 at 7:53 am

Well I must apologize then for assuming. Sounds like you have a pretty good arrangement there, upon second inspection. Hey, you got room to bury/burn hippies? That would be great. Snigs said you are married to wonderful ‘people’,…. just wondering.
7 Les James // Mar 10, 2009 at 8:28 am

Thanks Snig, but my wife saw your comment, now I’m on restriction.

Whatever JO. You can’t pole your pirogue this far, so I’m not too worried.

Eric – It’s beginning to sound like your going to propose to me. Sorry, I don’t swing your way. Oh, and when you bury hippies -burned first or not- nothing will grow over them.
8 Snigs // Mar 10, 2009 at 10:19 am

Apparently your wife isn’t as wonderful as my husband then Les.

And hush Jump, you know I’m just trying to make Les feel better about himself and Les, you should be ashamed making fun of Jump’s pirogue (spelling?) and pole. Sounds like you’re the one who’s jealous.
9 JumpOut // Mar 10, 2009 at 10:53 am

Piss on you, Les, it’s not the size of the pirogue that counts, it’s how many women you can get to ride it.
10 Les James // Mar 10, 2009 at 5:52 pm

JO- Your pirogue’s bottom is rotted, your pole’s too short and you dress funny.
11 Auntie Maude // Mar 10, 2009 at 11:02 pm

I go off for a month to help Martha Jean while she recovered from hip surgery and you boys have devolved into little snots making comments about each others poles.

Both of you boys should be very, very ashamed of yourselves. I bet that nice young man, Chris, would never partake in such tomfoolery.
12 JumpOut // Mar 10, 2009 at 11:44 pm

Chris’ middle name is Tomfoolery. Chris Tomfoolery C. I heard his parents wanted to name him Chris Whackaloonery C but they didn’t want him to be teased about his name.
13 Fiar // Mar 11, 2009 at 1:17 pm

I was just wondering, do I get any of Les and JO’s gay on me by leaving a comment?
14 Les James // Mar 11, 2009 at 1:50 pm

I know I’m not and I’m pretty sure JO isn’t either, but it sure sounds like you’re looking for some gay on you, Fiar. I think you’re at the wrong blog for that. And no, I don’t know where you can look, you son of a window dresser.
15 JumpOut // Mar 11, 2009 at 3:16 pm

He doth protest too much, methinks.
16 Jr // Mar 11, 2009 at 6:08 pm

Thanks for posting the great picture of your driveway.

Can you post one of your double-wide, too?
17 Fiar // Mar 11, 2009 at 7:32 pm

Crap! You guys did get your gay on me.
18 JumpOut // Mar 11, 2009 at 8:18 pm

Fiar, my good friend, I must point out that you are the only one seeing gay around here. Is there something you need to tell us? We’ll still write. We’ll still come around and comment. We won’t think any less of you. Well, maybe just a little less, but not that much less.
19 Chris C // Mar 11, 2009 at 10:29 pm

“Crap! You guys did get your gay on me.”

Really. Oookkk
20 Snigs // Mar 11, 2009 at 10:37 pm

Looks like I’ll be limiting myself to marriage proposals to Les & Jump only.

I’m afraid Steve is going to be on Fiar like a duck on a June Bug now.
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