Political Humor | Wars: Dirty Little Secrets, Part 3

The conclusion of Wars: The Dirty Little Secrets, a conservative politics series by Les James.

Act III: A Neat, Small Package

Previously on ‘Wars: The Dirty Little Secrets’

You’ll recall from the first act, that I had a childhood much the same as yours. Consistently being bombarded with doom and gloom, while no one was considerate enough to dropped leaflets first.

We then looked at the overall disaster of government policies designed to kill objects, conditions, and ‘isms’ in the second act. But sometimes things do need to get broken. That’s what our military is good at. It was never designed to play “All the Kings Horses and all the Kings Men”.

Military style wars are often good for an economy. Granted, maybe not this time. Winning a war against tyranny is generally good for the people. While waging “wars” against intangibles is a total waste of time, money, and worse, human life.

Little flowers growing in some backwards, third world countries are not sticking needles into American arms. Hate mongering rhetoric, preached in churches and mosques, doesn’t blow up children on busses. Gun manufactures didn’t put holes in the Kennedys.

Although, after the Kennedys were gone, they somehow did manage to get back together again to form an awesome punk band. California Uber Alles, Holiday in Cambodia, how could you not just love that?

Hate crimes? What if I just don’t like you? I didn’t really have a place for this, so I kind of just threw it in.

If we don’t start seeing the root cause of the problem, i.e. identifying the source, we’re screwed as a nation. Sorry, almost forgot to tell some of you what the problem is. It’s people! Not things! A few of you really surprise me.

Pull Out?

In case you’ve been peaking, yes the final chapter is a little shorter than your use to from me. But I’ve been reassured that it’s the not the word count that matters, it’s how you use them.

Real men don’t pull out before the job is done. Real women don’t favor pulling out either. They know what they desire to accomplish. They get the resources up and ready and then relentlessly push toward achieving that climatic outcome.

Even when it seems to be spontaneous, the main objective is still to see it through to its messy conclusion. It’s about doing what’s necessary, being committed to that cause and not stopping until the objective is satisfied. It’s the American way.

What do I mean by “real”? Well, it’s what us right thinking (real) folk contemplate when we view the left thinking ones, and slowly shake our heads, muttering “Unreal” or sometimes, “Surreal”. This is usually followed by something like, “What a bunch of morons. I’m glad I’ve got more sense then that.”

The “Unreal” don’t like commitments. They don’t like absolutes. They want the freedom to alter their minds or rules to whichever way the wind is blowing. They won’t be tied to bedpost of stogy old ideas like, virtue, morality, honor or integrity. Despite their orgies of strange political bedfellows, and constantly changing their positions, I’ve yet to see them satisfied.

This explains the weaker sect’s desire to not see any “war” through. They can’t. That wouldn’t be consistent with their inconsistencies. They’re continuously prepped and ready to abort anything that’s unwanted or inconvenient before the results begin to show. That’s right, cut and run. Please don’t make me draw you a picture.

In Memoriam

Have we learned nothing? I believe that’s exactly what we’ve learned. Here are a few good examples of precisely what a large shot of ‘nothing learned’ we have to swallow from time to time. Better get a big glass of water ready. We may need it soon.

Remember the Alamo. Remember the Maine. Remember Pearl Harbor. Remember the Pueblo. Remember 911. It’s all about remembering with us. It’s all after the fact, post coitus.

Can’t we do anything contraceptive? Of course not, that’s not what the UN wants. That smacks of taking matters in to our own hands, you dolt. I’m afraid we’ll just have wait until we’re violated. Then we’ll sit down and discuss -with other nations- what our options are in apologizing for what we did to make them force themselves upon us.

It’s kind of like a recent news blurb that said that we promised not to use our proposed eastern European missile defense shield against Russian. I guess if they fire a series of missiles at us or our NATO allies, we need to allow them to land and then negotiate surrender, right after we say we’re sorry. Seems fair.

Internal “war”, external war, it doesn’t seem to matter. We don’t seem to have the stamina to keep one up for very long. What ever happen to, not starting something that you won’t finish?

Let My People Vote

As for our current affairs, November will be very telling. The Conservative, ah, I mean Middle-of-the-Road, Reach-Across-the-Aisle Republican candidate, John McCain, wants a slow, favorable withdrawal from Iraq. While both of the Liberal-Socialist, Laugh-at-the-Other-Side-of-the-Aisle Democrat candidates just want to jerk ‘em out. No matter what their mouths are saying today. Unreal.

Still, I’m afraid that is going to make little difference as to which party ends up in the White House next year, because either way, we’re going to collectively find ourselves bent over the pork barrel. Again.

Image stolen from Zombietime.com Hall of Shame Humor-Blogs.com also has strange bedfellows.