This is the sixth and final part of Proclamations from the Mountaintop. A political humor series by Les James.

Original Image: Old Computers by eurleif

Today I’d like to take you back 30 some odd years, back to my high school days when I got my grubby paws on a computer for the first time. It was 1975. These early programs were written on a long tape filled with holes. It couldn’t do very much, but it still was way cool.

Several years later I owned my first personal computer. That PC was even cooler. Am I showing my age? It could take me to places I’d never imagined. It opened new doors, helped me create, made my life simpler.

Today PC is the bane of my existence. I have grown to despise PC. It also takes me places I never imagined – places I never wished to go. It doesn’t create anything but discontent, it has fouled and cluttered my life. The PC I’m referring to is Political Correctness.

Since when does our entire way of life in America become based upon politics –one of the most divisive issues we’ve ever created? What idiot decided this was a good idea? I am a registered voter and I don’t remember getting that voter’s pamphlet. And who gets to decide what’s correct anyway? Stupid, stupid, stupid.

If I want to splatter myself across the highway, that should be my privilege

Mama Gump used to tell Forrest that stupid is as stupid does. I’m not sure if stupid is a protected class…yet. I’m not talking about those who are afflicted with some truly dreadful condition that has unfairly reduced their mental capacity, you know retarded. But that’s not very PC is it? Even though the word describes the condition perfectly, somehow it’s now demeaning.

No, I’m thinking about those of whom the good Lord gave the requisite number of functioning brain cells but they just refuse to use them. I’m inclined to believe they are a protected class since the government does so much to protect them from themselves.

Lets take a couple of situations pertaining to operating a vehicle as an example. Driving is a privilege not a right. One has to prove that they have a certain amount of knowledge and skill, and meet certain legal requirements in order to obtain a license. If it were a right none of those would apply.

Why then does an otherwise competent, – stretch the definition- legally permitted adult need to wear a seat belt in a car or wear a helmet on a motorcycle?

I always use these safety devices because I believe they will help in the case of an accident. But why mandate it? If I want to splatter myself across the highway, that should be my privilege.

I personally think it’s a stupid choice, but still a choice a stupid adult should be able to make. If your inclined to believe that drug use is OK as long as it doesn’t physically hurt anyone else then what’s the difference?

The problem is that by enacting laws like this we no longer allow for natural selection. The stupid in nature don’t get the chance to pass along their genes. I’ve noticed that normal (smart) people as a rule don’t reproduce with stupid people.

Stupid plus stupid equals – you guessed it- stupid. Then their offspring grow up and come up with stupid ideas like Political Correctness and protected classes. And they get to vote!

Who do they vote for? The person that will promise them the most stupid things! That’s who.

Have you looked at the list of protected classes lately? Everyone is protected under at least one its sub-headings. Protected from whom? You and me that’s whom! That seems kind of, I don’t know, stupid? This even applies now to political affiliation (I read this on the internet recently so it must be true).

If you don’t like my politics, too friggin bad, I’m protected from you. That means you must be a bad person doesn’t it? Conversely, I must be a bad guy since I don’t like your views. At least that’s the way it seems to be playing out.

If you were stupid enough to apply for a job at Ben and Jerry’s (mmmm, Ben and Jerry’s) wearing a button with Ann Coulter on it and didn’t get the position you can probably sue! But don’t go looking to the ACLU to take your case.

Any more it seems, anyone who disagrees with another’s views is an ignorant, intolerant, racist, bigot, who probably hates babies and puppies too. I suspect that’s what some of you are thinking about me right now – point proven.

We don’t talk much any longer and we’ve stopped debating. Now we’re into bating. Some of us have become verbal masters of this technique. I’m here to tell you it’s a poor substitute for the real thing, and I’m not referring to a soft drink.

I use to think that the fringe environmental movement -very PC- worshiped at a shrine never to be erected since none of them could ever agree upon its ecological impact.

The “Environmental” movement has all of the tenets of a religion.

• It has a higher power: nature.
• It has sin: consumption of resources.
• It has guilt: We are killing the earth!
• It has sacrifice (for some): tax the rich and powerful.
• Then more sacrifice: once the wealthy are gone the rest of us will have to tow the party line, until then change your light bulbs.
• It has redemption: the wicked –those still possessing a head- once humbled, shall be lead to the light -must be sun light because everything else has to be taboo – and we’ll all join hands and sing.
• Most of all it has faith, faith in those with the dire predictions -the rich nations (All you evil capitalist not the enlightened developing or communist ones) are exploiting the poor nations (those with totalitarian, or corrupt governments), and faith in a solution – turn over more freedoms to a government or corporation of governments. Yeah, like the EU and UN. Look at them carefully and tell me they’re not multi-national corporations. These are not totally new ideas, but I like my spin on them.

When did it become a basic human right not to be offended?

Now I see radical environmentalism as only a part of the dogma. The real evil is Political Correctness. Its self-righteous proclamations must be adhered to, or else you’ll be branded (on live nationwide news)-you and your family- and cast into ruin, because the PC crowd are a very nice tolerant people who just want us to all get along. All bow down to the new idol erected in the old temple. And if you fail to find faith, off with your head!

I’m still mystified that while I was born in this country I’m not a Native American! Apparently the USA belongs to the “indigenous” peoples. And why are crosses in public places appalling but totem poles can stay? Many cities actually purchase and display them! Just a quick thought, but let’s get back on track.

Asian Americans, African Americans, Latin Americans, Arab Americans, Jewish Americans, European Americans, Californians, yeah especially Californians! All of them including you and me (in case you were feeling left out, and it is all about how you feel) don’t belong here! Go home!

So here I am a man without a country speaking a bastardized language borrowed from the equality guilty English. I am supposed to be filled with hate and rage –very unPC- for all those who are not like me and at the same time told to feel guilty even though no one in my long and well traced ancestral history ever owned another human being.

Why, because I’m in the majority. I mean I must be. Everyone else is in a Politically Correct duly authorized, certified and trademarked™ minority so by default those terrible people like me must constitute at least 51% of the population.

We’re the Man; you know the one that’s oppressing the tired, poor, huddled masses. Non-Hispanic Caucasian males, legally residing in this country, between the ages of 18 and 64 who don’t suffer from either mental or physical handicaps and are above the poverty line, that’s your majority. Lets not quibble over the fact that females are a measly 52%.

Here’s something else along similar lines, sort of. Just because you crossed over an international border from a third word country without authorization and now are leaching off of society and “doing jobs the French won’t do” doesn’t mean you’re a criminal does it?

French? Yeah, France along with several other E.U. countries are deporting these folk back to Africa, by the tens of thousands. They’re also debating dumping socialized medicine and bringing back the 40-hour workweek. So do you still think we should be more like them?

This then is a worldwide problem. A pandemic! It’s going to require a far ranging, nay global, UN mandated and PC solution.

We need to all go back where we came from. It’s only fair and totally Politically Correct. America should lead the way. Yeah, good idea, but where would that be? Where would we go?

I’m told it is very likely that humanity sprang out of that fertile valley in between the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers. I like rivers. This is the famed Cradle of Civilization, maybe this was even the site of Garden of Eden! Wow. I’m up for that! Pulling out my world map, now let’s see, that would be, hum, there it is! Smack dab in the middle of Iraq! Is that ironic or what? Who said you can never go home again?

Bitter? Yeap. Most of this P.C. crap is based upon half-truths and outright lies. Fringe elements on both sides attempting to divide and conquer. United we stand but divided …we fall. Why are we doing this to ourselves? What is there to gain?

There are only short-term profits to be realized. You’re selling your soul for a mess of pottage. You don’t know what pottage is? Well, I’m not going to tell you but no, you can’t buy it at the Pottery Barn.

Political Correctness means raping the earth of it’s resources to build a new Prius hybrid instead of driving a slightly less fuel-efficient vehicle for few years longer, just to show your commitment to the faith. What happens to that old car of yours? Resale baby! That means that someone else paid to recycle your vehicle. Who’s the big green dog now?

Image: Prius by joi

PC means telling other people that their religious views are no longer to be tolerated because they may offend someone. When did it become a basic human right not to be offended? Now that offends me! But I don’t count because I’m one of Them. I’ve got a card and everything. Come to think of it the next newsletter should be in the mail soon.

Political Correctness means that the many must bend to the few. It’s all for the children, for ah, someone’s or something’s sake!

Political Correctness is a fanatical exclusionary creed. It’s a godless, self-serving hydra. Its many heads constantly watching for deviant behavior in public schools like any non-Muslim praying or a child wearing a Star of David, while the kid in the Che Guevara T-shirt gets a pass.

Political Correctness says we need to try to understand those who prey upon our children. It’s not their fault because they were abused as children so when they abuse ours and then ours grow up… This sick pretzel ill-logic makes me nauseous. Screw it! I’m over tiptoeing around your excessively sensitive feelings. I say hang ‘em, and then give ‘em a fair trial.

If any parent doesn’t want these creeps taken off the street permanently, I then have to call their love for theirs or anyone else’s children into doubt. Don’t lecture me about rights and rehabilitation.

For heaven’s sake, 86% of American’s identify with the same God as our founding fathers. There I said it! Are you going to send the PoliCe after me? This is a major part of our national heritage. We are a good and generous people. Collectively, we as individuals give more to charities then any other nation on earth. If there is something wrong it’s not with the average hard working, family loving person your meet everyday.

The people we let do the talking for us are but a symptom of the problem. We stupidly listen to them and for some, we stupidly elected them. As a nation, this is our doing and our own stupid fault. We let them continue to divide us as a people. Enough stupidity is enough.

It’s far past time to start celebrating what we have in common and begin tolerating the small differences we have with our neighbors. Let’s throw-off Political Correctness, re-embrace decency and dust off the common sense that we seem to have back-shelved.

I’m not going to take it sitting down any longer. Matter of fact, I’ve been taking it for so long that it is hard to sit down. It’s time to take a stand and if you’re going to do that, at least stand up for something you can stand. How about we just start acting Correct? If the Golden Rule hasn’t been outlawed yet, maybe we could adopt that as a slogan. What do you say? I’m open to suggestions.

Enough of this, I’m tired of writing. It’s time for action. Are you with me?

I don’t think Humor-Blogs.com is working but I’ll take a stab at it.

Category: Political Humor Tags: Environmental Movement, noads, PC, Political Correctness, Political Humor, Religion