Since Democrats have control of Congress, and won the Presidential election in a landslide victory, it’s clear the American people are confident in the way the Democrats run things.

Since we’re so confident in the Democrats, I think we should give them control of the North Pole. Santa has been doing some shoddy work lately, and i think a dose Liberalism is just what the Big Guy needs to turn things around.

First things first, Old St. Nick is a bit squishy around the mid-section. I mean, he’s already several hundred years old, and we know that obesity, combined with old age is a sure death sentence. In order to bring Santa’s weight under control, we’ll need to pass a fat tax. All egg nog, gingerbread houses, candy-canes, chocolate chip cookies, and all other foods that contain fat, and/or sugar shall be subject to a 20% sales tax.

We’ll use the extra revenue to build fitness centers around Santa’s workshop (at a 200% mark-up and supplied by Nancy Pelosi’s brother-in-law), and we’ll mandate that all Christmas operations must be suspended for an additional hour every day to make time for working-out.

The next order of business will be to protect North Polese labor. The workers need to get organized, and stand up for their rights. There will be no more elves working until they die. There will be a 20 gumdrop/hour raise across the board. We’re going to start ELFU (Elven Labor Federal Union), and institute the card-check program to ensure that the elves are protected from the bourgeoisie evil Santa Corp.

Finally, Al Gore has informed us that over the last twenty years, the average temperature of the north pole is up one tenth of one tenth of a percent.

Effective immediately we must pass legislation controlling the diet of the reindeer. We need to alter their diet to reduce their flatulence. All that methane gas is destroying the environment. We’ll also need to mandate that all light bulbs be changed to compact fluorescent bulbs. We’ll legislate that the fireplace in Kris Kringle’s shop only run for three hours during the middle of the night.

To ensure compliance with all these regulations, we’re going to appoint a North Pole Czar. The obvious choice is Kelly Osbourne. She is supremely qualified since she is a female, comes from a famous family, and…well that’s all you really need, isn’t it? There will be no more problems in the North Pole! Yaaaaaaayyyyy!!!

Update for 2009:

It seems Santa is in jail for shoplifting egg nog. We could get Kelly Osbourne to do the deliveries, but for the first time in centuries, Santa’s Workshop couldn’t get all the orders filled this year, and Donner and Cupid died of malnutrition.

Rudolph passed away as well, but he died from mercury poisoning when the compact florescent bulb the government mandated be installed in his nose broke. Also, for the first time in centuries Santa’s Workshop reported a budget deficit. It’s so awful in the North Pole right now.

We must act immediately to save the North Pole! We have legislation in the works to fix every problem in the North Pole. It must be passed, the North Pole is too big to fail!

You can find JumpOut at his police humor blog, You Should be Tasered. The only place on the internet to learn how not to get killed by the police.

Original Image: Santa Under Arrest by Stéfan

More Christmas Humor:

* Obama Night Before Christmas Parody
* Holiday Gift Ideas
* Does Santa Claus Hate the Jews?
* 12 Days of Christmas Parody

Category: Political Humor Tags: Christmas, Democrats, Economic Crisis, Humour, North Pole, Political Humor, Santa