Santa Claus never delivers presents to Jewish people despite the fact he is secular. Just because they celebrate an alternate version of Christmas earlier in the month does not give Santa the right to simply bypass them all together.
I wonder if it is a personal issue. Is Santa Claus envious that Jewish people aren’t fed up with Hanukkah like the Gentiles and Christmas? You never see a Jew stressed out this time of year because their holidays aren’t complete pain-in-the-ass events.
Everyone talks about how much things cost these days, and for Santa surely there are higher expenses hitting the production end. With the recalls and lead in Chinese products, he is forced to buy American, which in turn drives up prices. Maybe it is too costly to train the elves to make dreidels, so toy-making for the Christians is a cheaper option.
The fuel prices alone must be killing the old man lately. I don’t know if they make hybrid sleighs, or what Rudolph’s carbon footprint is, but the rumor is that Santa’s workshop uses more energy in a month than Al Gore’s mansion uses in a year.
But this is not about St. Nick and his eco-friendliness. It is about why he does not give Jewish children presents. Even though the last thing he needs is more people on his gift list in a time of rising costs or environmentalists breathing down his back, there has to be something else behind this conspiracy at the North Pole.
Perhaps Santa doesn’t hate the Jews. He has to prioritize his gift giving to those who believe in a holiday that technically has to do with another potentially fictional character.
When we were children we were told that if we didn’t believe in Santa Claus he would pass over our house. Instead of the first born male child being slain, it was coal in the stocking.
Maybe if more Jewish children believed in Jesus then Santa Claus would climb down their synagogue and leave them chocolate coins on Christmas Eve.
Chris Cameron and Angry Seafood wish you and yours a safe and happy holiday season, even if you believe in Festivus.
Humor-Blogs.com believes in Hanukkah Harry. Go there now for a prize.
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2004–2008
14 responses so far ↓
1
Fiar
// Dec 20, 2007 at 11:06 am
That’s a pretty snazzy Santa suit.
2
Lord Likely
// Dec 20, 2007 at 10:37 pm
Well, maybe Santa’s actual surname is Klaus, and he is nothing more than a damned filthy Nazi.
3
RT
// Dec 20, 2007 at 10:51 pm
St. Nick. Definitely Catholic.
4
Chris C
// Dec 21, 2007 at 2:48 am
Wait, do synagogues have chimneys?
5
Vampirklown
// Dec 21, 2007 at 9:19 am
Okay Let’s just back off Santa Claus. First do Jewish people take their kids to see Santa? It ain’t like he don’t make himself accessible to the masses. If we’re going to accuse anybody of being anti- semetic then how about that other jolly bearded man Jesus.
6
Ron Coleman
// Dec 21, 2007 at 11:39 am
It hurts, believe me.
7
elasticwaistbandlady
// Dec 21, 2007 at 6:13 pm
I don’t know about Jews but I know for sure that Santa Claus hates Huey Lewis and the News and delivers their CD’s to those on the ‘naughty’ list.
8
the frogster
// Dec 21, 2007 at 11:57 pm
Fruitcake is a perfect holiday treat no matter what your religion.
9
Pope Terry
// Dec 22, 2007 at 12:49 am
Santa is a filthy commie, the red suit… hmm yeah I rest my case. I’d say he hates jews, but then again I say that Dr phil hates canadians, so my opinion doesnt really count does it.
10
Chris C
// Dec 22, 2007 at 12:51 am
@Vamp: Why do you think there is a Jewish version of Christmas? It is because early on the Jews went to visit Santa at the mall and got no gifts out of it.
@Ron: blatant rip-off of the South Park ‘Hard to be a Jew on Christmas’ song/bit.
@Frogster: You have an unnatural fixation with fruitcake.
@ewbl: The only reason why Santa uses Huey CD’s as presents for naughty people is because they stopped making Abba CD’s en masse.
11
Chris C
// Dec 22, 2007 at 2:07 am
It has come to my attention that someone made a video that makes the same references to the Jesus/Santa belief thing AND the passover one.
I believe in transparency in this kind of thing and here is the link for the video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtBBOcoaPkc
I have a lot of pride in the integrity of my writing. I would never copy someone else’s ideas and claim them as my own.
If I had known someone else had come up with the Jesus/Santa connection and the Passover reference first I would have left them out of the essay.
Ripping off what someone else came up with is not my style and thankfully my body of work so far here and on my own blog bears this out.
I did not have any knowledge of the video when I wrote the essay.
12
Ron Coleman
// Dec 24, 2007 at 12:36 am
Chris, I actually think the video is pretty lame. But the record has to be complete!
I actually think the Hanuka Harry concept is funnier.
13
Santa Claus
// Mar 5, 2008 at 7:39 pm
The answer to your question can be found at: http://www.TheSantaClausFoundation.org and http://www.SantasLink.net
Blessings to ALL, Santa
14
Chris C
// Mar 5, 2008 at 11:23 pm
Oh sure you act all goody-goody Santa, but you already run a behavior-based rewards system. Leaving Jews out of the mix is just an extension of that same system.
Don’t try and bullshit us Santa, we know how you REALLY operate.
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