Eleven Language Differences between Conservatives and Liberals

April 22nd, 2009 by Chris C · 10 Comments ·

Does it seem like the left and right speak completely opposite languages sometimes? Is it hard to figure out what they mean?

Thanks to the language translator I stole from Les’ Star trek post we can finally answer those burning questions.

I found eleven differences so far between conservatives and liberals.

politicstranslation01

1. If you are conservative you are a lobbyist. If you are a liberal you are an advocate.

2. If you are conservative someone crossing the US Border illegally is breaking the law. If you are a liberal it is not a crime “per se“.

3. If you are conservative they are illegal aliens. If you are a liberal they are undocumented workers.

4. If you are conservative you think Che Guavara made Stalin look like a really nice guy. If you are liberal Guavara himself is the nice guy.

5. If you are a conservative protesting something you are a right wing radical extremist. If you are liberal you are a champion of democracy or animal rights.

6. If you are a conservative who did not protest Bush’s spending policies but attended a Tea Party last week you are a hypocrite. If you are a liberal who protested excessive government spending policies for eight years but did not go to a Tea Party you are a political hero.

7. If you are a conservative a homosexual couple is a gay couple and a heterosexual couple is a straight one. If you are liberal one is same-sex and the other is opposite-sex.

8. If you are a conservative 911 was an act of terrorism. If you are liberal it was a man-caused disaster.

9. If you are conservative someone who makes bombs is a terrorist. If you are a liberal they are an activist.

10. If you are conservative the national service bill is mandatory service. If you are liberal it is volunteering.

11. If you are conservative civics is about the mechanics of government at the local, state, and federal level. If you are liberal civics is about social work and welfare.

Now I hand the translator off to you, faithful reader to look for more differences. Leave a comment on what you find.

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Chris Cameron writes this weekly column every Wednesday as well as Political Humor Quick Hits every Tuesday here at Radioactive Liberty. You can also read funny but weird stuff at his own humor blog Angry Seafood.

Category: Political Humor Tags: Difference Between Liberals and Conservatives, Humour, Language, noads, Political Humor, Politics, What's the Difference Between Conservatives and Liberals

10 responses so far ↓

1 Angie // Apr 22, 2009 at 11:16 am

Outstanding, Chris!
2 Elm // Apr 22, 2009 at 12:02 pm

If you are a Conservative you believe terrorists should be treated as dangerous lunatics. If you are a Liberal you ARE a dangerous lunatic.
3 Angi // Apr 22, 2009 at 12:35 pm

Great post!!!

Ummm…

If you are a conservative, lying to avoid paying taxes is a crime. If you’re a liberal, it’s an “honest mistake.”
4 Eric // Apr 22, 2009 at 12:50 pm

Con = freedom of religion; lib = freedom from religion.
Con = fish; lib = sea kitten.
Pirate:
Con = plundering, raping, blackmailing, kidnaping, morally corrupt thief.
Lib = unfortunate minority youth.
Capitolist:
Con = economic driver.
Lib = plundering, raping, blackmailing, kidnaping, morally corrupt, biggoted, racist.
Dead weight:
Con = lifetime welfare recipient.
Lib = Mother.
Father:
Con = Man who kicked your ass in line when you were stupid.
Lib = No definition.
Justice:
Con = steal a car, smoke dope, kill a cop, go to jail.
Lib = steal a car, smoke dope, kill a cop, become a rap star.
The list is ENDLESS!
5 Angie // Apr 22, 2009 at 1:05 pm

Eric:
Lib definition of father = baby daddy
Lib sub-definition: Payer of child support (con)/deadbeat dad (lib)

Angi: Fancy seeing you here!
6 Les James // Apr 22, 2009 at 1:52 pm

National Day of Service on 9-11? What, is the U.S. government Mother Church now too? The Catholic Church is famous for inserting “Christian” holy days on top of “pagan” holy days. Now we are going to pave right over what should be a nation day of getting pissed off at Islamic Extremist.

A National Day of Service? Fine. I’ll honor those who died on that day by volunteering to pull the trigger and put lead on terrorist targets lined up against a wall. But only after we read them their Miranda Rights. Do you think this is what Obama had in mind?
7 JumpOut // Apr 22, 2009 at 2:50 pm

Brutal:

Conservative – Chopping off a human being’s head
Liberal – Pretending to put a caterpillar on someone

You know, I find it odd that during the Bush administration all the libs were sure that W. was going to label his political enemies “terrorists” and start investigating them. The Obama administration has actually done that, yet crickets are chirping on the left.
8 Elm // Apr 22, 2009 at 3:44 pm

A Conservative is a person who believes in a higher power, an Almighty Being.

A Liberal thinks He’s in the White House.
9 Fiar // Apr 22, 2009 at 6:10 pm

By your definition, Elm, I am neither conservative nor liberal. I don’t believe in superstitions.
10 Chris C // Apr 22, 2009 at 9:36 pm

hehe some great responses.

Be careful though. It is addictive thinking up new language comparisons but much more productive then Sudoku.

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