People always ask me, “FIAR, you’re so witty, so funny, so intelligent, so good looking.” [Sorry ladies, I'm taken. Sorry guys, I'm not gay, and I'm taken] Well, that’s not exactly a question. What they ask is, “FIAR, you are like a living god, is there anything you can’t do?”
Actually yes. While I can control your thoughts, I can’t, for example, reverse the rotation of the Earth. I can cause Hurricanes and Earthquakes, but not volcanic eruptions for some reason. Although I can most likely stop a bullet between my teeth, I can’t fly… Yet.
So, I do have limitations.
In celebration of my birthday, tell me what the next year in my glorious life has to offer in my quest to become the cruel, deranged, bloodthirsty despot of the universe.
2004–2008
15 responses so far ↓
1
richj
// Nov 29, 2006 at 12:13 pm
Lots of Bacon.
2
richj
// Nov 29, 2006 at 12:16 pm
Oh, yeah. Happy Extraction Through the Birth Canal Day! Or if by C-section: Happy Slicing Through the Abdominal Wall Day!
3
RT - Chief Mongress
// Nov 29, 2006 at 7:20 pm
A hammer just like FM’s?
Ummmm….I’ll be back when I think of something.
4
RT - Chief Mongress
// Nov 29, 2006 at 7:50 pm
The Chief Mongress has studied her crystal ball:
I forsee that cold, cold days are coming…cold wintry days that will make you cold.
In your coldness, you will seek warmth. While you are seeking warmth, you will contemplate a deep question, “Should I get up and get myself something warm to drink?”
As you warm up, your thoughts will turn to the craziness of this world. You will become peeved. In that peevish state, you will decide to thunderously shout your battle cry of “BACON®!!!” and you will verbally attack all that dare mock the Monger Horde™ and its mission.
5
Skul
// Nov 29, 2006 at 8:17 pm
A real Monger doesn’t get up to get anything. He sends his Mongress to go fetch it.
6
wrecksE
// Nov 29, 2006 at 9:06 pm
Happy Birthday!!! Good luck with the flying and those volcanoes just take time, you gotta hang in there.
7
Skul
// Nov 29, 2006 at 9:15 pm
“In celebration of my birthday, tell me what the next year in my glorious life has to offer in my quest to become the cruel, deranged, bloodthirsty despot of the universe.”
You will have an uncontrolable urge to hold FrankJ underwater.
8
Tyler D
// Nov 29, 2006 at 11:50 pm
BACON CAKE!
9
Sssteve
// Nov 30, 2006 at 12:08 am
You will get to impale and smite many many hippies!!!
10
jt
// Nov 30, 2006 at 8:46 am
” Tyler D says:
November 29th, 2006 at 11:50 pm
BACON CAKE!”
With BACON icing and BACON ice cream!
11
fmragtops
// Nov 30, 2006 at 11:18 am
The Frank Side clouds everything. Impossible to see the, future is.
12
kate
// Nov 30, 2006 at 2:12 pm
And here I thought it was just my boyfriend who could do all those things you do. I never knew there were more men like him out there! He CAN cause volanic eruptions though, but like you, he still can’t fly. It must be a male thing! :p
Happy Birthday, Fitch. Hope it’s a great one for you.
13
Diesel
// Nov 30, 2006 at 4:50 pm
Consider yourself showered.
14
richj
// Nov 30, 2006 at 7:33 pm
“Consider yourself showered.”
Ewww.
15
fmragtops
// Dec 1, 2006 at 11:25 am
“Consider yourself showered.”
And this coming from someone who’s blog is called “Mattress Police”. That’s just wrong!
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