Flame War Parody #18 – Paula Abdul Vs. Lindsay Lohan
When you write political humor, sometimes people get a little emotionally heated about a particular point of view. To ease the tension over the weekend, we pick something insufferably stupid, choose a side, and go at it with a vengeance.
This is why we do this weekly flame war parody. It’s to have a little fun, and remember not to take things so seriously. So remember to have a ridiculously strong opinion on the following topic:
Who’s more drunk: Paula Abdul or Lindsay Lohan?
Discuss.
Humor-Blogs.com spiked the punch.
Category: Flame War Parody Tags: Flame War Parody, Lindsay Lohan, Paula Abdul, Political Humor
2004–2012
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Who are those people?
Give em a bottle of Scotch, and I’ll beat them both.
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What an insult! How dare you cheapen the already cheesy reputations of these two young ladies, uh ladies, umm chicks, uh broads, whatever! The question should be , “who’s easier and cheaper?” Ok, cheaper. On the one hand, Lindsay will drink or take damn near anything, so a few dozen bottles of MD or Night Train should do the trick. However, you will need to rent a bucket truck and cutting torch to bust her out of the second floor of the rehab lock down unit, and you’ll have to pay someone to hose it out before you return it to A to Z in the morning, so there’s that. And I assume a Goddess like Paula only uses top shelf like Gilby’s or Popov to wash down the Oxycontin, and you’ll need a limo,(again rental and cleaning fees apply) ’cause she ain’t gettin’ in no hoopdie bucket truck pal! Hmmmm! A puzzle indeed!
Well my friends, I’m off the the VFW to partake in Sunday Bingo and 30cent beers, I’ll crunch the numbers with my fellow vets and and perhaps report back later.
A fine conundrum indeed!
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Paula Abdul:
1. She’s short, so it hits her harder.
2. Mixed with her general inability to not be an idiot, the booze hits harder.
3. She’s been drunk for more years than Lindsay. It has pickled Paul to the point that she is just permanently buzzed and has a head start to Drunkville, thus making her drunk all of the time.
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RT, you must be drunk! Everyone knows that Lohan is younger and has a smaller, less-developed liver! Luckily, her breasts are younger and much more developed, so a person will get more drunk from the milk of her sweet, sweet cans!
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Would that be sweetened condensed milk?
Paula’s had more time to tan her hide with booze; she oozes it.
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Paula Abdul hasn’t had to wear a ankle monitor and still has a very nice job on AI.
Maybe this isn’t about who is more drunk as opposed to who is the better professional alcoholic?
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AI=artificial intelligence. Yes?
I suppose if they’re hollywood types, that would apply. OK, I’ll buy into that.
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Hasselhoff everytime… oh wait.
Ummmm I’d actually say Abdul, shes got a great wino sensibility to her, she wouldnt look out of place sitting in a dumpster throwing empty cans at passersbys.
Plus Lohan cheats, its not just booze she hits. Lets face it kids when drugs come into it it just ruins the competition.
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Give Paula a break. Drinking is all she has to look forward to!
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ah but Alex, Paula is also on a crapload of painkillers because of chronic back pain or something like that.
So if they are both hopped up on drugs is that a wash?
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Paula’s liver probably looks like a raisin by now. What effect does that have? I’m sure Lindsay’s is only a wilting prune by this point.
Wouldn’t Paula have a higher tolerance to the sauce?
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Well Chris she is still keeping to legal drugs though… homo, thats for arguing with me, taste the pain of true wit…
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Don’t they always end up in a tie, when they reach the point of passing out?
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I guess so and I pray to God I am with them if they pass out.
Hmm woman my age I wanted to bang back in high school who still is hot, or hot young girl who will look like shit when she’s my age? decisions, decisions…