Flame War Parody #20 – Punching Hippies
Although there is a definite politically conservative slant to this site, we mostly take a viewpoint that politics and politicians suck in general. This weekly feature is designed to make a little fun of the political discourse throughout the rest of the week, by taking an absurd position over an equally absurd topic.
In keeping with the tradition of this flame war parody, pick a side, and be just a little (or a lot) too partisan about your position.
This week’s topic:
What inflicts more pain on dirty hippies: punching them in the face, or driving through their zen rock garden with an SUV?
Discuss.
Category: Flame War Parody Tags: Conservative, Driving SUVs, Flame War Parody, Political Humor, Punching Hippies
2004–2012
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Is the SUV a hybrid?
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On second thought, it doesn’t matter.
1. Drive slowly towards the rock garden.
2. Make sure the hippies have time to get in front to try to stop you.
3. Gun it!
4. Kill two (or more if you’re lucky) birds with one stone, and you didn’t actually have to touch a dirty hippie with your fist.
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Hmm, Not too different from your drive by slapping idea.
It might not look like it, but I made changes to the theme. Please let me know if anything looks bizarre all of a sudden.
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Looks good to me.
Sorry I couldn’t get back sooner, I was out drive through the local sandboxes in my Hummer.
I had to take it throuh the car wash twice to get the smell of incense off. On the up side, the Hummer is now nicely lubed!
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I wish I’d seen this before my trip to the hippie grocery store. I could have done a comparison and reported back to you. Dangit.
Rocks are people, too, so I guess they’d be more pained over the loss of some rocks.
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How many times do I get to punch them in the face and how many times do I get to drive through their garden?
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That’s entirely up to you, Chris. It’s a judgment call.
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I think it is important to know these things because it completely changes my opinion.
Like if we get two punches but only one time over the rock garden or maybe three punches but six times driving over the rock garden.
Just because a situation is hypothetical doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be boundaries. Like what happens if the hippie is such a wimp that two punches takes him out but I still have another two left? Do I get to punch another hippie two more times?
Damn, without this important information how can I input the information into my computer models to determine the future outcomes?
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Like what happens if the hippie is such a wimp that two punches takes him out but I still have another two left? Do I get to punch another hippie two more times?
Well of course you do. Do you think we’re not going to let you get your money’s worth?
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Well I think its more up to the person doing the driving/punching… do they value physical or emotional pain more.
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[...] dirty hippies, they are a threat to the existence of the whole human [...]
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[...] hippies should be approached with extreme caution. While beating green hippies with long handled rakes, expandable batons, or clubs made from the bones of baby seals can be a [...]