Some dirty hippies become extremely emotional about how we should save the trees. Trees are important. They convert CO2 into oxygen, and are used for making chairs, baseball bats and other devices useful for clubbing baby seals and beating hippies. So in this week’s flame war parody, we ridicule the eco-nuts and find a way to save the trees in a non-dirty hippie, conservative-friendly way.
In other words, what should we do about this particular strain of dirty hippie virus in order to keep it from infecting the rest of society.
Should we club them with baby seals, or use their limbs to club baby seals?
Discuss.
2004–2008
31 responses so far ↓
1
Skul
// Sep 21, 2008 at 1:14 pm
I wonder how bad it sucks to go through life like that?
Those moonbats would go into a coma if they saw the tree damage down here from Ike.
Club them with anything, seals, pigs, kittens, puppies..anything.
2
RT
// Sep 21, 2008 at 2:11 pm
“Bring me to this rock that has this incredible life.”
WHAT!!!!!????? It is a friggin’ rock! How about I pick up the rock and hit you with it? Would I then be giving you a life?
These are the same people that say my beliefs are crazy. Yeah, I’m going to go into the forest and cry over trees….that grow back….that we have more of than ever. (Not to mention that their whining has caused many forest fires.)
Oh, I forgot the question:
Take their arms and their legs and club them with them. The seals…just let them hang out in the cold, being food for polar bears.
3
Les James
// Sep 21, 2008 at 2:12 pm
Baby Harp seals need to be left as snacks for the massively increasing population of “endangered” Polar Bears. Where as when forest age, they become almost useless to the environment, like hippies. Beat ‘em with ancient timber.
Skul- I detect some anger. Put the puppy down. Work it off bro. I suggest something soothing like felling trees with a chainsaw.
4
Les James
// Sep 21, 2008 at 2:17 pm
RT- How funny. We must have been commenting at the same time. Both with the Polar Bears.
And it not friggin’ rock, it’s Fraggle Rock. You can see how that makes a strange kind of sense.
5
Chris C
// Sep 21, 2008 at 3:58 pm
Where are the Axe Men when you need them? God would that be funny.
6
Jr
// Sep 21, 2008 at 5:22 pm
First: Is that for real? It’s not some sort of a hippie parody?
Second: If this is a virus that’s in danger of infecting the rest of society then we need to stop it now.
Third: Don’t club the hippies. They would just feed off of the injustice of it all. It would cause them much more pain to club the trees with a seal pup.
7
Fiar
// Sep 21, 2008 at 5:58 pm
Oh, I wouldn’t be so quick to assume it’s parody. This gem comes from Greenpeace. Good luck. It’s pretty agonizing.
http://www.greenpeace.org/usa/.....nex-iron-e
I embedded it but I had to remove it because it plays automatically and I won’t tolerate that on my site.
See also http://www.greenpeace.org/usa/.....s/kleercut
Be prepared for the autoplay of animals sobbing.
8
Fiar
// Sep 21, 2008 at 6:06 pm
treehugger.com has a bit about this video as well and they don’t seem to think it is anything but genuine.
http://www.treehugger.com/file.....planet.php
Speaking of Earth First’s penchant for radical terrorist tactics, treehugger.com says “this time they’re not being destructive, but rather taking part in a kind of ritualistic primal scream therapy session that can only be described as the Passion of the Trees.”
I say we club them with baby seals.
9
Skyl
// Sep 21, 2008 at 6:11 pm
“Skul- I detect some anger. Put the puppy down. Work it off bro. I suggest something soothing like felling trees with a chainsaw.”
Got plenty of that the last few days, Les.
Unfortunately, most of them had already been blown down by Ike.
Oh,well, any port in a storm.
10
Skul
// Sep 21, 2008 at 6:13 pm
Geez, try to swap out the “y”, and that happened.
Somebody hand me a puppy.
11
Fiar
// Sep 21, 2008 at 6:19 pm
Dammit, you don’t get to beat hippies with canine puppies you nazi! Baby seals, or their own limbs. That’s the option.
12
RT
// Sep 21, 2008 at 6:29 pm
I think everyone needs to calm down and eat some bacon.
13
Fiar
// Sep 21, 2008 at 6:37 pm
Eat some Bacon® and have a sneeze-a-thon to kill a forest.
14
Les James
// Sep 21, 2008 at 7:23 pm
Skul- Sorry Ike got to the trees before you did. I now understand your frustration. Despite what others may say, you deserve to fell a few hippies instead. The proper place to cut is just above the saddles and just below the hair line (male and female).
RT/Fiar- Had bacon this morning and I feel great!
15
RT
// Sep 21, 2008 at 7:29 pm
I had bacon, too!
16
Skul
// Sep 21, 2008 at 7:33 pm
Ooooo…I like Les’ idea.
Fell some hippies. Yippee!!11!
@FIAR..Grumpy seal nazi!
17
Insolublog
// Sep 21, 2008 at 8:22 pm
Run the woody hippies through a wood chipper and deliver the slurry as a baby bottled donation to other moonbats, labeled ‘Vegan Soy Seal Nutrition for Orphaned Seals’.
When the seals are plump enough to double the post-club fur take, club the polar hippies, and the seals. Take the seal fur and feed the unfashionable portion, along with the dead hippies, to the Polar Bears.
Everyone gets what they want. Fewer hippies in both venues. More soft fur coats. Polar bears get fat enough to float on their own through the new globally warmed polar waters.
18
Alex L.
// Sep 22, 2008 at 1:12 am
I can’t imagine a baby seal would do that much damage, like hitting some one with a wet pillow.
19
von
// Sep 22, 2008 at 12:09 pm
Can I bring a drum and beat it softly while you club them with baby seals?
20
Skul
// Sep 22, 2008 at 4:03 pm
Oooooo……neat idea, freeze the baby seals first.
That ought to leave a mark.
21
Chris C
// Sep 23, 2008 at 11:02 pm
It’s what almost three days later and I still have trouble wrapping my head around the fact there are people like this.
I’m not so sure we want to waste the good eatings of a baby seal by clubbing hippies with one. The food chain overall needs baby seals more because there’s more meat on their bones. Moonbats are either really thin or really fat. Either way there’s not a lot of muscle to cook.
But when you spend your life avoiding any kind of competitive situation you end up a stick person or a fattie, unable to live in a capitalist society.
I say save the seals. You don’t want to let a good source of protein be wasted on killing an organism that will provide the food chain with a lesser amount of nutrients.
22
Not As Anonymous As You Think
// Sep 24, 2008 at 7:11 pm
What an interesting topic. I, personally, would prefer to impale a hippy on a spike, then set ‘em on fire with oil made from baby seal lard, but since that’s not an option, I’ll go with clubbing hippies with frozen baby seals.
I can see how both of the above options would seem appealing, but when you think about, clubbing hippies with baby seals is really the only way to go. I don’t give two rat turds about whether or not baby seals go extinct, but I don’t harbor any hatred toward their kind. Certainly not enough to go around clubbing them with hippy limbs. As long as it didn’t pee on my carpet, or steal my sandwich off the kitchen counter, I’m not going to hunt down any seals.
Hippies on the other hand are the catalyst for the downfall of humanity. They should be clubbed, stabbed, and otherwise killed with any implement that may be handy when one is in range. Be it baby seals, bamboo canes, a large rock, or a life-size pewter statue of Ethel Merman, they should be destroyed by any means necessary.
23
Fiar
// Sep 24, 2008 at 9:18 pm
I agree with your assessment 100% and I salute you sir. You make me proud to be an American. I don’t know who you are
but it’s good to finally hear from a voice of reason.
24
Not As Anonymous As You Think
// Sep 24, 2008 at 10:20 pm
One more thing to ponder:
How nice would it be if at the end of that video a bear ate all those hippies like that Grizzly Man dude. I love happy endings.
25
Fiar
// Sep 24, 2008 at 10:44 pm
That would be the icing on the cake. And you know that they aren’t smart enough to defend themselves with that rock that has such great life.
26
RT
// Sep 24, 2008 at 10:55 pm
I wonder what kind of spike would work best? A smooth edge or a serrated edge? The serrated edge would cause more damage and pain.
I think the mongress might be emerging. Excuse me while I go put her back in her cage.
27
Not As Anonymous As You Think
// Sep 24, 2008 at 11:29 pm
I prefer the smooth spikes. It’s too much hassle to wiggle the hippie over the serrations. It’s also better at inducing a slow death. The serrations might accidentally sever the aorta causing the hippie to bleed out almost immediately.
28
Fiar
// Sep 25, 2008 at 6:21 am
That’s what I like about Cajuns. Attention to detail.
29
JumpOut
// Sep 25, 2008 at 7:37 pm
Ummm, this wasn’t much of a flame war. Not very many flames. Allow me: You bunch of ass-spelunking, pole-smokers suck at parodying flame wars! Quit navel gazing in your echochambers and realize that Chimpy McBushitler and his frinds at Haliburtonazi are trying to keep you from clubbing hippies with baby seals!!!!1!1!!1!!eleventy!!!!!!!11!!!1 The Joooooooooos!!1!!1!one!!!111!1
30
Fiar
// Sep 25, 2008 at 8:52 pm
Well, maybe we think the echoes sound really cool, you commie, dirty hippie, pond scum. Go take a freaking shower already and eat some more tofu so you can turn all the rest of the way into a girl.
I would also like to point out that Skul and I called each other nazis.
31
Fiar
// Sep 25, 2008 at 8:57 pm
I can’t help it if my readers are just so damned polite and not consumed by anger like the dirty hippies and moonbats are constantly burning with visceral rage and contempt for everything good in the world. We’re just happy because we don’t think of ourselves as victims of everything. If we were miserable, angry victims, we would be Liberals.
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