I don’t know about your part of the country, but here in Southeastern Pennsylvania we’re clinging to our guns and bibles, and heading into leaf control mode. As I collect together the dead leaves, it occurs to me that I have multiple options for their disposal.
Therefore, this week’s flame war parody topic is about the disposal of leaves. As usual, have an opinion, and feel absurdly strong about it.
Leaves: Burn them and throw the hippies on the fire, or compost them and bury the hippies under the pile?
Discuss.
2004–2008
17 responses so far ↓
1
RT
// Oct 12, 2008 at 2:07 pm
If you burn the leaves, it will create a really nice scent. You could roast weenies and marshmallows, too. Even make smores…the youngin’ would like that lots. (Not toxic is it?) After you are done having fun with the leaves, you could throw the hippies on top, but that would spoil a good burn.
If you compost them, you’ll have plenty of mulch type stuff to add to your gardens eventually, but there are lots of bugs and worms that live in it to break it down. However, you can always throw your kitchen scraps on the pile like my grandpop did and then it would attract rabid raccoons and such. They could bite the hippies and give them rabies. A slower death than fire, but it might be fun to watch them foam at the mouth and howl at the moon.
Gee, I’m torn.
2
JumpOut
// Oct 12, 2008 at 4:28 pm
Composting is for stupid, smelly hippies; therefore, they would enjoy dying a horrible death and being buried inside a pile of composted leaves. Besides, if you use the compost to fertilize your plants, they’ll die from the patchouli stench.
Anything natural should be burned because nature sucks, and it will speed up global warming and kill more hippies. Burning is the only answer, and anyone who disagrees should be hanged as a traitor to their country!1!!eleventy!!11!!!one!!1
3
Les James
// Oct 12, 2008 at 5:45 pm
There’s a third option. Put the leafs in big green or brown plastic bags and toss them into the landfill.
This adds a nice layer to the non-decomposing diapers, pop bottles, milk containers etc, etc, etc. Dumps are like pimples on the ass of mother nature. That just pisses hippies off to no end and puts a big smile on my face.
I got your traitor hangin’ right here, JumpOut.
4
JumpOut
// Oct 12, 2008 at 7:04 pm
Oh yeah? Well, no blood for oil! Bush = Hitler! McCain=Racist, and further more, Bush lied people died!
5
Fiar
// Oct 12, 2008 at 7:53 pm
You moron. When you burn hippies, it just gets in the air. It’s like poison ivy. You never ever burn them, no matter how fun it seems. Anyone with half a brain would know that, but go ahead and burn them. Don’t blame me when your lungs itch and burn, and your whole body is covered in rash and boils.
You have to bury them under the compost, and let the rabid raccoons eat them. Dumbass.
6
RT
// Oct 12, 2008 at 8:10 pm
I WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
7
Fiar
// Oct 12, 2008 at 8:19 pm
Epic Fail! You didn’t even make up your mind.
8
Les James
// Oct 12, 2008 at 8:26 pm
Yeah! You tiny brained wiper of other peoples’ bottoms! Oh sorry, wrong blog.
9
RT
// Oct 12, 2008 at 9:21 pm
What? I don’t have any asses to wipe! I’m neither married to an old guy, nor do I have kids.
Besides, you stole my idea and made it win; therefore, I am a winner! YOU FAIL!
My being an epic failure has nothing to do with you declaring me an epic failure!
10
JumpOut
// Oct 12, 2008 at 9:30 pm
RT: You can’t win if you don’t pick a side. You’re starting to act like a hippie, is that what you want?
FIAR: I keep forgetting you Yankees are a bunch of sissies that can’t handle a little rash and a few boils for a good time. They make salve for that sort of thing.
Les: Your father was a hamster and your mother smelled of elderberries! Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!
11
Insolublog
// Oct 12, 2008 at 9:37 pm
You must burn the hippies, to prevent the “Return-of-the-living-dead” effect, scrub the smoke with a filter, then burn the filter. Composting dead rotting meat, specifically large volumes of Dunkin Donuts fattened hippie meat, might attract rabid racoons.
What’s worse than a racoon with rabies?
A rabid hippie zombie raccoon, rustling through your garbage for evidence that you are not supporting Barack Obama, that’s what.
So; Add all that Republican junk mail to the burning hippie pyre.
12
Alex L.
// Oct 13, 2008 at 12:57 am
Composting is the way to go, the suffocate then, its much more peaceful.
13
Eric
// Oct 13, 2008 at 10:03 am
Duh. I thought you all were better than this. Have you forgotten your priorities?
Everyone knows babies are to be roasted. A nice smokie leaf fire would be just the thing to season a tasty baby.
As far as hippies are concerned they would be far too greasy to promote a decent fire, and putting them in the mulch would surely kill your garden. Besides decomposing hippy creates excessive quantities of greenhouse gasses so it is a good protest against the greatest scam in the history of mankind. I would suggest a good quality wood chipper, just spray the mess into the hippy bus they rode in on.
14
RT
// Oct 14, 2008 at 7:22 pm
Okay, I’ll choose a side, JO. Your backside….to kick.
15
JumpOut
// Oct 14, 2008 at 8:30 pm
You like-a my backside, yes?
16
Ed
// Oct 15, 2008 at 1:59 pm
The smell of burning hippies can’t be good (hard to say whether it would be better or worse than their normal smell), so I would go with burying them. That way, you don’t have to see them or smell them.
17
Rich
// Oct 16, 2008 at 12:51 am
You must burn the hippies. We must release more carbon into the atmosphere to stave off the forthcoming ice age. You then compost the crispy morsels or feed it to the hogs so we have more bacon.
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