Flame War Parody #8 Hippies
For rules and background see the Introduction to the Flame War Parody.
Hippies: Beat them with rubber hoses, or hose them down with firehoses?
Discuss.
Category: Flame War Parody Tags: Flame War Parody, Hippie Humor, Humor
2004–2012
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Wow. That’s a tough one. If you beat them with hoses, the filth will fly off as particles into the air and we’ll all breathe it in and get their cooties.
However, if we hose them down, their filth will be washed off of them, but will end up in our ground-water and rivers. Hmmm…Let me think.
The hippies would be all too happy to have us ingest a part of them, hoping that we’d succumb to their flawed DNA and turn into tree-hugging hippies or something.
Then again, the washing off of filth would disturb them. They would be polluting that which they try to preserve. It would be more fun to watch a hippie have a breakdown. It would be like watching Richard Simmons gain 100 pounds.
I choose hosing them down. They might like the abuse of being hit, since they like to whine and cry about everything; however, if we hose them down, they are forced to watch themselves kill the planet with their own muck.
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Yes, tough indeed.
My first instinct is to start swinging the hose. As RT pointed out, this does present an immediate hazard unless you have a full haz-mat suit. I suppose a good hosing would be the appropriate first action. One question….do you have to file an environmental impact statement?
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I hadn’t considered the threat posed by blowback.
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BOTH! Duh. It’s kinda retarded to not take the opportunity to beat them with that hose after you’ve hosed them down. I mean, it’s right there in your hand already. This aint rocket science people!!! hehe
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Also, y’all sure are awfully polite and considering of other’s thoughts for a retarded argument…
Saddest display of a retarded argument I’ve ever seen. :p
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Doh :p…
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Well, Uber, your idea is just retarded! Why waste all that physical energy on one hippie? Huh? What’s the fun in beating up someone who cowers? Just make them eat meat and wear polyester. That’s good enough. ;P
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Well, considering the question posed included the word “them”, I think it’s safe to assume that the physical energy required to beat the @%$!outa of “them” would indeed be a worthwhile endeavor as we are talkin’ enmasse here! It’s plenty of fun beating smelly hippies for no other reason than the smell (take a lesson from my cat who beats the crap out of the dog when he needs a bath).
Plus, why think so small. Once they’ve been hosed and beaten with a hose it is the perfect time to make them eat meat and wear polyester as well. It can never be “good enough” when talkin’ hippy torture. You think too small! :p
(I’m on the phone w/a friend who just informed me that he gets PAID to beat the crap out of hippies and we’re all retarded for merely sitting around discussing it haha)
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Guess I need to dream big!
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Skul, you idiot. You would make them wear FUR and LEATHER, not polyester.
Moron!
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Dont fire hoses have big metal nozzles on the end. I imagine a crack from one of them would be quite painful. Heres an idea, and a sign I’m putting far to much thought into this. Put them in a grain silo, turn on the fire hose full bore so its swinging around violently, both hitting and washing the filthy hippies. Once full, use the water to flush your toilet, water your garden etc.
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Yippee!! Hippies in Speedos!
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My God, that’s brilliant.
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Skul! Fiar blamed you for my polyester comment. Are you going to stand there and let him do that to you?
Man up! ;P
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FIAR, yer a Lilybutton, Tissyfriss, Pantywaist, SissyMary, Mambypamby, Brownie Scout wannabe. I’ll bet you tie kerosine soaked rags around yer ankles to keep ants from crawling up yer legs and eating yer candy a$$.
How’s that RT?
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Hose them down with firehoses full of sulphuric acid.
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Beat them because it would be more fun. Hosing them down puts pechuli oil into the water table. We don’t know what would happen then and it would be pretty ironic if it turned out hippie cologne was killing the planet.
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As an ex-part-time hippie, I feel qualified to answer. Tell them the hose is connected to a giant bong, and simply connect the other end to your car’s tailpipe.
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Stupid Frog. It’s no fun if you don’t hear the screams.
Skul, Speaking from experience, are we?
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How did frogster become an ex-hippie? Did he bathe?
FIAR, I’m talking to RT, hush, no kerosene for you.
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Well done, Skul.
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How did frogster become an ex-hippie?
The acid trip ended.
no kerosene for you
Kerosene Nazi!
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Oh YA!! You can forget about the rags too!
Pbbbbbtt!!1!
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Hippies aren’t good enough to beat. It’s obvious that the filth they carry should have been topsoil. You’re all hippie lovers, if you think that anything could be better than washing them violently to retrieve their wasted filth for the huge corporate farming combines’ use.
Line ‘em up, reclaim their fertile topsoil for our corporate farms, drive them before your firehoses, and listen to the lamentations of their wymins!
WEEP FOR YOUR SMELLY HIPPIE FRIENDS, YOU HIPPIE LOVERS!
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I’d be a little concerned that the washings would be hazardous material.
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Actually FIAR pretty much hit the nail on the head.
Skul, I do feel, with my last remaining hippieness, that we should share the kerosene with anyone who wants some.
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yall are just cruel an mean peeple with no heart my daidy is a hippie and he wuz takin prematerly by a kersine far..well, he lost a fingr enyhow …a gud man yes he is..uh wuz
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I agree with the pope terry, but after wards you send them to work camps, if they don’t work well enough because they’re filthy communist lowlives, you simply flay them alive to teach then a lesson. (with a hazmat suit of course)
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i dont see why you guys waiste intelligent responses on a blog asking wether to beat or bathe hippies..after you did either they’d fire up a blunt so it wouldn’t matter to them, they’d still feel better than you do :]