Flame War Parody #9 – Philosophy
For rules and background see the Introduction to the Flame War Parody.
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does anyone even give a shit?
Discuss.
Category: Flame War Parody Tags: Flame War Parody, Humor
2004–2012
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No.
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No, well, not unless there was a tree-hugging hippie attached to it at the time and it crushed the hippie. Then I’d be happy knowing the tree did a good deed in its last moments.
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The bear that was “doing his thing” in the woods might care. Unless the bear was white, then he probably wouldn’t.
How about the Spotted Owls? They might care.
If it fell near me I’d definately give a shit.
What does Flowers Bloom have to say about this latest outrage?
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When anything falls over and I’m not there do I give a shit… nuh.
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I am horrified. I value the life of every tree. Someone there to hear it or not, the loss of a beautiful tree is something to mourn.
I take exception to the crude commentary about dead hippies as well.
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What if it falls on a hippie who is taking a shit? Well, leaving one because you don’t really take it.
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Well now I’m a little bit confused. Is the hippie alive or dead? I thought the tree was supposed to land on a live hippie. I mean, if it landed on a dead hippie, that wouldn’t even be funny.
And who is it that cut the tree down, and how could he be there to chop it down and leave before it fell? I bet it was a logger who snuck in and started chopping the tree down, and the hippie came and scared him off just as he was finishing. Then as the logger ran off, the tree fell and landed on the hippie.
So yeah, that would be sad, because the logger spent all that time chopping down a tree and doesn’t even get to sell the wood to help feed his poor, hungry children.
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You know who else used to chop down trees and not give a shit? Hitler.
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So did Paul Bunyan. What of it?
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Paul Bunyan was a racist prick.
Just how do you explain the fact that John Henry isn’t the most famous folktake in the United States? How does a tall Canadian looking guy, riding a cold steer, garner more attention than an opressed african-american railroad worker?
Oh yea, that’s right. He’s BLACK!
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Well just stop and think for a moment. My man Paul Bunyan had to go in and carve out the wilderness before John Henry had a place to lay any track at all.
And for your information, Babe was a big blue OX, not a STEER.
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John Henry was a slave to white supremacist labor, and Paul Bunyan was the tall, hairy tool they used to implement their evil plan.
Carve out the wilderness?! Pffft! More like rape the countryside!! He was a raping racist! A Racpist!!!
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yah well what about Johnny Appleseed? He took a species of plant indigenous to Asia and spread it around the fucking globe. We have no idea the ramifications to the rest of the world as far as health and the ecosystem.
For all we know he could be the person behind global warming. Happy guy planting his freaking seed all over the world. More like the seeds of Earth’s destruction.
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You guys are worse than Hitler
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[...] internet flame wars. The best was when 7 Bates took the thread into Godwin’s Law territory by referencing Hitler. Now that’s how it’s [...]