Flame War Parody #32 – Bicyclists on the Road
Today’s flame war parody topic is partially suggested by our own Co-author, Les James.
Bicyclists on the road: A danger to the public, or target practice?
Discuss.
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Category: Flame War Parody Tags: Bicyclists on the Road, Flame War Parody, Humor
2004–2012
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This time it’s personal.
Prime Example: I’m driving my truck, minding my own business, when suddenly I come around a turn to find four cyclist riding abreast – which is odd because they should be on bicycles.
Anyway,the question is: hit ‘em or slam on the breaks? I always do the quick mental math. Deductible vs Satisfaction. Deductible wins.
If I wasn’t a wimp, I’d say: Target Practice.
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Target practice. And, unlike motorcycles, you can hit one and not dent your precious gas-guzzling NeoConMobile.
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A danger to the public or target practice?
They are target practice, since they are a danger to the public. Extraction is just one of the fine public services provided by the motorist.
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I say target practice – especially when I’m in the Hummer because of the look of terror and total despair on their faces when their eyes acknowledge their inevitable destruction.
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A danger. One mistake and they end up in the road in everyone’s way. Plus to make a bike we have to use fossil fuels which cause global warming.
It is no coincidence that CO2 increases have jumped along with bike sales. Everyone should have to walk everywhere. We have perfectly good sidewalks and we all need the exercise.
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Target Practice for what exactly… the sport of hitting cyclists… if so its not practice your actually just hitting cyclists. By default the correct answer is a danger to the public. Practice would be with big cardboard cutouts of cyclists, once their real practice is over. Everyone understand or do I have to start saying peoples ancestors smoked poles back in the old country to prove how right I am.
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It’s target practice for hippies, of course. If you can hit a moving bike it stands to reason you can hit a stoned hippie.
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We have perfectly good sidewalks and we all need the exercise.
I don’t know where you live, but we don’t have sidewalks where I live. Clearly the bicyclists are a danger to the public. There they are blocking traffic. You try to go around instead of plowing through them and SLAM! Head on into oncoming traffic. As a result, it is your patriotic duty to er… clear the lane of obstructions.
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Target practice – if it were otherwise, they would be in cars.
I drive a normal-sized sedan and can easily knock off 8 to 10 bike riders before my car becomes undrivable due to aluminum tubing and cyclist guts.
If they want to stop being targets, I suggest that they deploy a better defense.
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speed bumps
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Les I’m sorry a hippie and a bike ridermaker up two totally different genre of people, for a start bike riders usually tend to be doctors of lawyers, people that shave their legs get up at five in the morning just so thay can ride for 2 hours and buy some coffee and eat danish whilst talking about their portfolio and how much they loving riding behind other men.
Hippies are lazy bong rats with little to no energy, if anything hitting hippies is practice for the bike riders. But they are two different beasts entirely, one cannot be practice for the other.
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why do people feel so comfortable using the word retarded? It’s so demeaning to people with special needs. Isn’t there another word to use that is less hurtful?
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Alex, don’t be stupid. The guys with the high tech alloy frames, shaved legs, and wearing the little tights might fit the description you offered, but what about the guy with the cheap bike, carrying home his tofu, wheatgrass, and soy milk from the organic market?
Dirty hippy on a bike. That’s what.
Mary casts her vote for public danger. She’s always looking out for people that might be a danger to themselves.
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Mary – I don’t recall calling anyone retarded but in future I will refer to those persons as “riders of the short bus”.
Thank you for bringing this oversight to my attention.
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That’s one of my favorite Door’s songs.
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Alright so we’re talking about hippies on bikes not cyclists. I think theres a difference, cyclists eat meat so they are likely to have energy to get away, hippies on the other hand, well its really just a rolling flea circus.
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It’s nice that people like Fiar and Augusto found each other on this site. Rare that a bunch of people with no decency towards others less fortunate can get together and tell their “retard jokes”. My bet is that you wouldn’t have the nerve to behave so badly outside of the internet. Glad you finally found some outlet to show your true colors.
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I’ll try to post more lolcats and less offensive humor. Just for you, Mary.
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lolcats are far more offensive than that other word.
Penis.
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Mary you shouldn’t be hitting the box wine so early in the morning.
Besides, if we are so offensive why do you keep coming back? Keep reading RL Mary. We won’t tell your moonbat friends, I mean the 32 cats you own.
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>>>”It’s nice that people like Fiar and Augusto found each other on this site”
It’s just like e-Harmony but without the annoying Dr. Neil Clark Warren commercials or the 64 points of compatibility.
Heaven on earth.
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It’s just like e-Harmony but without the annoying Dr. Neil Clark Warren commercials or the 64 points of compatibility.
But we’re incompatible on like 63 of them (you do have a sense of humor). Including the fact that I’m straight and you’re a dude.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
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Two straight dudes can still have some levels of compatibilty…otherwise, where would one find lunch bud’s at the office?
And by the way, the other 63 points are not all sexual, or so I’m told.
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the other 63 points are not all sexual, or so I’m told.
That’s just crazy talk.
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>>>That’s just crazy talk.
Oh yeah? Well what about these questions:
“Do you enjoy kissing and cuddling?”
“Would you be satisfied by a partner who needs a pedicure but refuses?”
“Would you be willing to have your body hair waxed for a special dinner date?”
I ask you – what is sexual about those questions?
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“Do you enjoy kissing and cuddling?”
I agree that this isn’t a sexual question. I do that with Grandma all the time. Ooh gotta go, that’s her on the phone…
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I still cant find exactly where the word retarded was used, can someone highlight it for me.
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You guys should be careful. I had one almost use me for target practice on a country road. He flipped me off….I yelled back and he stopped his car trying to be real “bad”. I pulled up to his car and as soon as he opened his mouth, I shoved my 9mm in his face. He about s#it. Watch out for us hippies……
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Where do you people live that you’re finding flea-bitten hippies all over the place? And riding bikes, no less?!
Last hippie I saw was in 1972, and he was lying on someone’s lawn, convulsing. Poor bastard was probably having a bad trip or something … So I stole his bike and eventually became a lawyer.
Didn’t hippies die out a long, long time ago? I thought they were extinct, truth be told. People like me kept stealing their bikes.
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Rick, although I can find no fault with your hippie bike stealing strategy, I have to wonder how it is that you do not realize that there are plenty of hippies still around, and worse, in our midst… Alive.
I see hippies all the time, and Les, who suggested this topic lives in one seriously hippied up area. I have many pictures of hippies in the wild. Some have appeared on this very site. Trust me, Rick. Hippies are not like sasquatch (aside from the smell). They are real.
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Wow.
I must lead a sheltered life. Either that, or I’m completely oblivious.
And I’ve been accused of being olfactory-deficient (I’ve applied for a handicapped parking permit based on that, but was denied), so that might have something to do with it …
Oh well.