Political Humor | Frank J. is Lazy

Frank J. has issued Part 3 and Part 4 of his Agenda for America. While many of you may think he has a detailed and reasonable plan, I would like to remind you that He seems content to be leader of America. I, on the other hand, aspire to much more. I plan to be the cruel, deranged, blood thirsy Despot of the Universe. Frank J.’s plan is just lazy. America will be the greatest country in the Universe, because it will be the only country in the universe.

My opponent speaks of changing the title of Secretary of Defense to Secretary of War. This is a good start, but calling someone in charge of war a “Secretary” seems a bit Gay. I will change the title to Supreme War Monger. This will instill fear in Not-America countries, and - This just in: France has already surrendered. You see. My plan is better.

I have it on good authority that Frank J. is gay, not that there’s anything wrong with that, but a reliable source has informed me that Frank likes Fresca, and we all know that Fresca makes you gay.

My opposition has made no promise of a great and wild plunge into dementia, in addition to his disregard for a war for oil. I promise that within the first 100 days of my administration I will be dis-functionally deranged, as any Despot should be.

He doesn’t plan to even run until - What is it? 2016, or 2020, because that’s when he’s “Constitutionally eligible” to run. What kind of psychotic dictator cares about the “Constitution?” I say it’s just another sign of laziness.

With so many referring to the current administration as “proto-fascist” and “fascist,” I had high hopes of kicking in doors in the dead of night, but it was yet another in a long line of broken campaign promises. Especially with what I heard of the PATRIOT Act. In fact, aside from paying less in taxes, my life is mostly unchanged. Yes, some will point out the booming stock market, and record low unemployment, but that doesn’t affect me. I already had a job. Like the President, Frank J. would never even make it past roll call in Jackboot Kinder Kamp.

Finally, reliable sources from deep within the IMAO camp tell me that my lazy, gay, Fresca swilling opponent is prone to speak ill of Bacon!®. Rest assured he will be impaled, and displayed on the front of the White House lawn as an example to all who would speak ill of Bacon!®.

Frank J. - Sane, lazy, gay, bacon slandering, and just plain wrong for America.

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