Political Humor | FrankJ and Me - Twins? A Comparative Study

There are many similarities between FrankJ and myself, and it begs the question, are we twins separated at birth, or just complete strangers. Perhaps we are just completely strange, or at least I am.

One thing I have noticed is that we have very similar scores to each other on the Political Compass Project. [004 Frank J. of IMAO (5.6, 0.1), 269 Fitch of Fitch is Always Right Radioactive Liberty (5.1, -1)] This can’t be mere coincidence. There is most definitely a hand of the divine in the works here.

There are a few important differences, of course. He’s a Christian, and I am an atheist. Also, he hates monkeys, and I love them. Especially the deranged variety. Some might point to this as proof that we are in no way related, but I beg to differ.

We have important similarities aside from our political beliefs as well. For example, he likes dogs. I like dogs. He hates ninjas. I hate ninjas. He has a blog. I have a blog.

Critics would suggest that the reason I have a blog is because I thought it would be fun to take a pathetic stab at being funny, like FrankJ, and that he’s been blogging for far longer than I have. I reject this conclusion. I firmly believe that it’s no mere coincidence that we both have blogs.

Another important similarity is that we were both born. This may seem absurd to suggest that there is any significance to this, but remember, hundreds of thousands of people every year are not granted the opportunity to be born. In our case, however, it seems that we were allowed to exist. Despite being parasitic fetuses feeding on our human host, we were treated as important enough to pass through the birth canal, and become actual humans. As unlikely as it is for two humans to actually pass through the birth canal sucessfully and alive, it is no doubt a challenging and unlikely feat, but does it mean we are related?

Some may say that this is all pure conjecture, but I subscribe to the principle of “Hamhocks Razor,” which states that the most moronic explanation is the most likely. This is the principle that validates such theories as, “9/11 was an inside job,” and “Iraq was better of under Saddam.” Returning to my point, since it is most moronic to think that we are, in fact, twins separated at birth, then that would be the most likely explanation.

Other naysayers would state that twins are born on the same date, and of the same mother, but I think it is most moronic to suggest that twins can be born on vastly differing dates. Therefore, it is the most likely explanation. I do agree that twins must be born of the same mother, which brings me to the biggest flaw in my logic. Again, using the principle of “Hamhocks Razor,” the most moronic explanation would dictate that we were not born of the same mother, because one us was given birth to by a man. If one of us was born by a man, and the other by a woman, then it most certainly would seem unlikely that we are twins at all.

I have laid out the case, in simple terms. I leave it to you to decide. Are FrankJ and I twins, separated at birth, or complete strangers?

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Trackbacked on Mudville Gazette